B
Sooo... I recently posted an issue that i had at my church. I wanna be a lil more clear on the subject. But I am also breaking them into 2 seperate posts. Heres the 1st... I was raised in the church.. mostly lutheran. My Dad was an alcoholic, involved with drugs, and cheated and left my mom for.. now my stepmom. Religion was a huge part of his sobriety. I was always forced to go to church. If I said i didnt want to... I had to write papers on why. He made me go through confirmation. Even though I felt i wasnt ready. Once I was old enough to make a decision... I stopped going. My father has been sober now for over 12 years... and i havent seen him in 6. He has a new family... and forgot about us. Hasnt made an attempt since then. That was at my uncles funeral. My uncle was who i lived with for a great deal growing up while my dad was on his journey of sobriety. When he passed away it had already been a few years since me an my dad spoke. We had an on and off relationship. I only lived with him for 3rd and 9th grade. After he had my brother with my stepmom... everything kinda fell apart. I dont blame them at all 100% But, i truely feel he didn't care for me the same... maybe I remind him to much of my mom... like i am always told haha. I don't know. But, anywho... it had been 2 years since I had seen him the day of the funeral. I went with my older sister. My dad was the one who gave a speech that day. Thanking my uncle for taking care of us when he couldn't, how he helped raise 2 beautiful girls, how he was sorry for not being apart of our lives, how he loved us, and was sorry. In front of everyone. Later when we went to lunch afterwards he approached me. He came to me and whispered... Chelle it'd be so nice to shoot you an email and say hello and see how you are, call you when I want to talk to you and catch up, and then maybe lunch one day when your ready. He has/had my email, my phone number, my address, where I worked... that i had given him. I havent heard from him since. I have recently TRUELY found god and myself out of all these years. Everyone says I will learn to 4give him. I really feel like I won't. Lately I have been having dreams of him. Its always the same situation. Us going to meet up to talk... and me getting there and just wanting to leave... and leaving. What do i do???? Do I need some sort of closure? Will I ever be able to forgive him.......