Foster Families

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LewisSantola

Guest
#1
#1
Right now I just don't know what to do. I went for a trail run with a foster family and they've decided they don't want me (note: it doesn't matter how many times foster parents reject you, it hurts just the same). They said that they couldn't cope with my anger and apparently how aggressive I was to the other children and they can't handle having to leave work to come get me from school even though that only happened twice. It's unfair being in a carehome sucks and I'm not allowed to have my son here which is a stupid rule so I need to get fostered to be able to actually look after him properly. My social worker is still looking but she said it could be another year until they find someone suitable. People who want to foster come looking for cute little kids, not teenagers with bad records like me. What even is the Christian way forward from this?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
OK, hold the phone a minute.. You're only 16, and you already have a son? Wow..

Anyhoo, the foster parents having to leave work early even ONCE, cuts down on their paycheck and their bosses schedule. And if they don't feel that their kids are safe with you, or that you're bullying them, then it's natural for them to want to remove that problem. I'm sorry, sweetie, but until YOU are in a stable home and can prove that you're a competent, fit parent, then your son will remain with whoever he's with right now. Ain't no way in heck you're gonna get custody of that kid, and probably not even visits either.

Just try to work on your behavior and your attitude, and keep trusting that God will bring you the right parents, at the right time.. :) *hugs*
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#3
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#3
LewisSantola said:
Right now I just don't know what to do. I went for a trail run with a foster family and they've decided they don't want me (note: it doesn't matter how many times foster parents reject you, it hurts just the same). They said that they couldn't cope with my anger and apparently how aggressive I was to the other children and they can't handle having to leave work to come get me from school even though that only happened twice. It's unfair being in a carehome sucks and I'm not allowed to have my son here which is a stupid rule so I need to get fostered to be able to actually look after him properly. My social worker is still looking but she said it could be another year until they find someone suitable. People who want to foster come looking for cute little kids, not teenagers with bad records like me. What even is the Christian way forward from this?
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I agree I know it is hard to be in the situation your in and that anger is a part of maybe not feeling loved. Are there any homes for unwed mothers you can go live in? Can you be emancipated? Basically can you go to a judge and be released from the social service system so you can get a small place of your own that is probably not the ideal way to go as your still pretty young and have some anger issues and such. That would mean you would be responsible for working your own job and paying your own bills. I think the best thing for you is that you get some counseling for your anger issues before they become worse. I know it is difficult to live without your child how ever do you feel that you are a good role model for your son right now? Do you think you can handle the stress of caring for him 24 seven when you say you have some anger issues and such? I am not trying to throw you under the bus so to speak Ii am asking because that little boy relies on you to show him how to be a man someday. He will see you actions and then repeat them when he is older. monkey see monkey do kind of thing. Maybe god has it to where he is giving you time to correct things now before a permanent home is found for you so you can finally have peace and your son. Just some things for you to think about.
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#4
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#4
sometimes you need to get knocked down several times before you realize what your doing is not working out... So please we do not say these things to be mean we say them because it is a good hard dose of reality for you. Hoping you will change the situation so you can have what you want and need.. I have to say if I were in your shoes I may be a bit bitter with the way life got handed to me but I would also be ever happy if a loving family stepped in and decided to love me and take care of me.. DO not get me wrong I know many homes are not great and foster parents can be real bad at times but a majority take children in because they care..
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
jenniferand2 said:
I agree I know it is hard to be in the situation your in and that anger is a part of maybe not feeling loved. Are there any homes for unwed mothers you can go live in? Can you be emancipated? Basically can you go to a judge and be released from the social service system so you can get a small place of your own that is probably not the ideal way to go as your still pretty young and have some anger issues and such. That would mean you would be responsible for working your own job and paying your own bills. I think the best thing for you is that you get some counseling for your anger issues before they become worse. I know it is difficult to live without your child how ever do you feel that you are a good role model for your son right now? Do you think you can handle the stress of caring for him 24 seven when you say you have some anger issues and such? I am not trying to throw you under the bus so to speak Ii am asking because that little boy relies on you to show him how to be a man someday. He will see you actions and then repeat them when he is older. monkey see monkey do kind of thing. Maybe god has it to where he is giving you time to correct things now before a permanent home is found for you so you can finally have peace and your son. Just some things for you to think about.
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I'm guessing a home for unwed mothers wouldn't be keen on taking in a 16 year old male.



To the OP
To actually answer the OPs question, the Christian way to handle this is with patience. And trust that God will work things out. It sounds cliche, i know. And 9 times out of 10 when people say it, it is cliche. But there are those moments when it really comes down to that and nothing else. You probably have a high likelihood of living out the rest of your two years where you're at. So your best bet is to spend your time dealing with that in the best possible manner, as well as preparing yourself for your eventual release at 18.
I don't know what all is and isn't allowed with someone in your situation, so if any advice isn't possible, then chalk it up to my inexperience in the specifics. If possible, and you aren't already, do whatever you can to begin saving financially for your adult release. Also begin working through the anger issues, and any others you have. If counseling is an option there, take it. If you're already in it, don't take it for granted, use it to help you. If you have a bible, keep your nose in it. The bible can be a brain washer, of sorts. It can be a thought replacer. If you have anger issues, when you feel yourself getting angry then memorize scriptures on controlling anger. Quote them to yourself before speaking or acting on your anger.
If you have any needs for meds, then be sure to take them and stay consistent.

It's commendable that you want to take care of your child, and to me that shows that you are a person of good heart who is just in a tough situation. So you have some time to become the kind of person your child will need you to be. And to prove to adult courts that you will be mentally and emotionally stable enough to take your child at 18. So don't focus on how bad things are now. Look to your future and prepare yourself to be ready for that time. Let God work in you and heal you. Get closer to Him. You have the right attitude, so you already have a good foundation to build yourself up on.
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#6
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
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#6
ohhhhh shoot sorry about that I was half in a daze and sleep state when I wrote that so sorry to you young man that posted this thread forgive me
 
Silverwings

Silverwings

Senior Member
#7
Jul 27, 2016
1,368
495
83
#7
I am sorry that you are in this situation, however, at least part of it is due to your actions. Like having a child at 16, with no mention of the mother. It is great that you wish to be with your child, however you are a child yourself, and need more time in which to grow up and mature. Please take this time to work on you. Determine that you are going to be the best person you can be, and then do not change from that, no matter what life throws at you. Your sons life is determined in a great part by the influences he has in his life, and with you being his father, you quiet possibly may end up being his #1 influence, and you to not want to raise a child to be angry like you are at the moment. Would you wish that upon him? I didn't think so, neither would you desire to see him in your situation. Every child deserves both a mother and a father, who love one another, and get along. If you do not spend some time on getting yourself in order, and time in anger management, this will never happen with your child. I speak out of love for both of you & the mother of the child, as he will always want to know his real mother, no matter what.
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#8
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
113
Germany
#8
Well. No matter how nice we put it. The truth is that you gotta get your act together and do what is right. Stop screwing your life over and pick yourself up. You have a child that needs you, you have a God that wants you even when foster parents reject you.
You cannot expect people to change if you dont change for them. You have to make that choice.
Commit your anger to God and ask him to take it from you and start overcoming it until it will eventually be gone. Let God lead you rather than your emotions. Be someone to look up to, rather than down to.
You can do it. You cannot tell me you cant as by your post I can see that you care about your life but you just dont know how because you feel lost where you are at.
You may now thing theres no hope but I can tell you there is. My father rejected me telling me im a waste of time and dumped me. Now hes over a ocean away from me and doesnt care if I am dead or alive. I know what rejection is like. Which is why I can tell you one thing. If you go to Jesus and give him the rejection, the pain, the hate,anger and and and.. He will take it with you. And he will give you and your soul peace. Let God take over your life. Let him take the wheel, we cannot make anything work on our own. We need him.
 
S

Sac555

Junior Member
#9
Nov 30, 2016
16
0
0
#9
LewisSantola said:
Right now I just don't know what to do. I went for a trail run with a foster family and they've decided they don't want me (note: it doesn't matter how many times foster parents reject you, it hurts just the same). They said that they couldn't cope with my anger and apparently how aggressive I was to the other children and they can't handle having to leave work to come get me from school even though that only happened twice. It's unfair being in a carehome sucks and I'm not allowed to have my son here which is a stupid rule so I need to get fostered to be able to actually look after him properly. My social worker is still looking but she said it could be another year until they find someone suitable. People who want to foster come looking for cute little kids, not teenagers with bad records like me. What even is the Christian way forward from this?
Click to expand...
Lewis, My parents took in foster kids from the time I was 5 until I was a senior in high school. They PREFERRED teens...you just haven't found the right family yet. Don't let this time that's passing get you down, think of ways to save money for you and your baby, finish school, and be prepared for the heavy duty responsibilities waiting for you when you turn 18! Perhaps when you refocus your limited time to getting ready, you will have a better attitude also and be a bit more endearing to a family that will take you in! I'm sorry you are going thru this, I know we had lots of kids that they didn't know where or what to do, but maybe you could get a few things working for you as you wait.
 
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