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Okay, I know I doubt anyone will read this all the way through..becuase I ramble..A LOT!
But here goes!
I was born into a family who don't believe in God. My Mum & Dad where both on drugs, My Dad an alcoholic & drug dealer too. When I was about 2 1/2 my Dad got sent down for dealing I presume. The house I was living in...it was horrible. Dirty needles everywhere, piles of dirty clothes and never any food in the cupboard. The police came to take me and my brother away when I was 4 & he was 5. So we moved in with my Nan ( Dad's Mum.) It was okay for a few years, but as we grew up my Nan started to take things out on me..I looked like my Mum & my brother looked like my Grandad, so naturally he got the best treatment. He got all the presents & all the love. I got the bruises.
When we moved to Secoundry School, the bullying started. My typical day would be wake up, Get shouted at, go to School, dodge a few punches, Take in all the insultes, get chaced home, (Maybe that's why I turned out to love Cross Country so much lol!), And then get bullied at home. What a great life! I put up with this for ages.
My Mum & Dad moved a couple of hundred miles away when I was about 6 and then soon split up. I never saw them again untill I was 15. My Brother decided that we was fed up of living with my Nan. He moved in with our Dad. I stayed. I didn't want to leave what I knew. But the bullying all over got worse. So I moved.
Dispite pretending he was not, My Dad was still taking drugs heavily, and drinking. So three months later I moved in with my Mum & my Brother with his girlfriend. I was getting bullied at my new School, and I didn't get along with my Mum that well, but I stuck it out. I met a guy who I fell for, but he turned out to be using me. He made me believe I was the only one he wanted..when every day he was going home to his girlfriend. I couldn't let go of him. I met a friend where I lived and she invited me to this gig, Which I happily attended. Then I found out what the gig was >.<
It was a Christian band (!Audacious, if you've ever heard of them!) and A Christian dude was preaching. At every word he spoke, I melted...My brain went into overdrive. What he was saying made sense, And it was like he wasn't speaking to 500 people..he was speaking to ME...I then gave my life to Christ.
The next few weeks were harder than ever, but when I started to understand things, I became much happier in myself. The depression tablets I where on, I chucked. I didn't need them! The guy I was "with" I continued that relationship, Even though I shouldn't have. I couldn't let go of him. Even though I had God, I still needed that sense that he needed me in some way..
And then I fell pregnant.
My world came crashing down on me, and I was between a rock & a hard place. Why was God doing it to me? The guy insisted it couldn't be his. But it was. How could I look after a child at my young age with no support? My family wouldn't help me. I was 16, and stupid. I really was planning on doing something stupid. Even more so than I had already done. I was trying to decide what to do, But before I could make up my mind, I lost the baby. I've never cried so hard in my life. But the people at my youth group helped me so much. My faith in God didn't weaken, Instead it grew stronger. I know that my little baby had served it's purpose. It's purpose was to help me get out of the relationship I was in. And it worked. It hurts, still, But I know that I'll see my little man someday!
I thank God for everything he's done for me. I praise him. He's shown me love & grace beyond all measure. I've stuffed up so many times, I don't deserve the grace he gives me. But God doesn't give us what we deserve, He gives us so much more!
But anyway! that was a year ago now! God is still working miricles in my life everyday. And letting him in was the turning point in my life. So if you've actually stayed with me through that, and you're thinking "wow, Why won't God do that for me?" Then Hold tight! It doesn't take a lot, An open heart, a willingness to listen to him is all you need! Oh, And it only takes a prayer
Woops..I think I rambled a little too much! Never mind
But here goes!
I was born into a family who don't believe in God. My Mum & Dad where both on drugs, My Dad an alcoholic & drug dealer too. When I was about 2 1/2 my Dad got sent down for dealing I presume. The house I was living in...it was horrible. Dirty needles everywhere, piles of dirty clothes and never any food in the cupboard. The police came to take me and my brother away when I was 4 & he was 5. So we moved in with my Nan ( Dad's Mum.) It was okay for a few years, but as we grew up my Nan started to take things out on me..I looked like my Mum & my brother looked like my Grandad, so naturally he got the best treatment. He got all the presents & all the love. I got the bruises.
When we moved to Secoundry School, the bullying started. My typical day would be wake up, Get shouted at, go to School, dodge a few punches, Take in all the insultes, get chaced home, (Maybe that's why I turned out to love Cross Country so much lol!
), And then get bullied at home. What a great life! I put up with this for ages. My Mum & Dad moved a couple of hundred miles away when I was about 6 and then soon split up. I never saw them again untill I was 15. My Brother decided that we was fed up of living with my Nan. He moved in with our Dad. I stayed. I didn't want to leave what I knew. But the bullying all over got worse. So I moved.
Dispite pretending he was not, My Dad was still taking drugs heavily, and drinking. So three months later I moved in with my Mum & my Brother with his girlfriend. I was getting bullied at my new School, and I didn't get along with my Mum that well, but I stuck it out. I met a guy who I fell for, but he turned out to be using me. He made me believe I was the only one he wanted..when every day he was going home to his girlfriend. I couldn't let go of him. I met a friend where I lived and she invited me to this gig, Which I happily attended. Then I found out what the gig was >.<
It was a Christian band (!Audacious, if you've ever heard of them!) and A Christian dude was preaching. At every word he spoke, I melted...My brain went into overdrive. What he was saying made sense, And it was like he wasn't speaking to 500 people..he was speaking to ME...I then gave my life to Christ.
The next few weeks were harder than ever, but when I started to understand things, I became much happier in myself. The depression tablets I where on, I chucked. I didn't need them! The guy I was "with" I continued that relationship, Even though I shouldn't have. I couldn't let go of him. Even though I had God, I still needed that sense that he needed me in some way..
And then I fell pregnant.
My world came crashing down on me, and I was between a rock & a hard place. Why was God doing it to me? The guy insisted it couldn't be his. But it was. How could I look after a child at my young age with no support? My family wouldn't help me. I was 16, and stupid. I really was planning on doing something stupid. Even more so than I had already done. I was trying to decide what to do, But before I could make up my mind, I lost the baby. I've never cried so hard in my life. But the people at my youth group helped me so much. My faith in God didn't weaken, Instead it grew stronger. I know that my little baby had served it's purpose. It's purpose was to help me get out of the relationship I was in. And it worked. It hurts, still, But I know that I'll see my little man someday!
I thank God for everything he's done for me. I praise him. He's shown me love & grace beyond all measure. I've stuffed up so many times, I don't deserve the grace he gives me. But God doesn't give us what we deserve, He gives us so much more!
But anyway! that was a year ago now! God is still working miricles in my life everyday. And letting him in was the turning point in my life. So if you've actually stayed with me through that, and you're thinking "wow, Why won't God do that for me?" Then Hold tight! It doesn't take a lot, An open heart, a willingness to listen to him is all you need! Oh, And it only takes a prayer
Woops..I think I rambled a little too much! Never mind