Girls - Are Guys Ego-Maniacs? Or Just Nervous?

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M

Matthew

Guest
#1
#1
Question for the girls/ladies/women and whatever men care to be honest!

Having read many 'how do I' threads about how to break the ice with a woman and how to begin a relationship, one piece of advice often repeated is :-

'guys, ask the girls some questions and don't just talk about yourself'

I didn't know this was a thing guys were known for doing, mainly because I always find myself doing the opposite and I ask a lot of questions, I do that for two reasons, the first is I like her so I want to know about her therefore talking about myself is entirely the wrong way to go about things, secondly, I don't consider me and my life to be so interesting she is going to want to hear all about it....my life isn't that of an international spy so I figure my life story won't get her fascinated.

So seeing as this apparently happens a lot why do you girls think guys do it? is it just that some men are supremely confident and incredibly impressed by themselves or is it just that nerves get the best of them and they start talking about the only thing they really know a lot about?

Feel free to share your own stories, preferably the funny ones ;)
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#2
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
0
52
#2
Women want to feel special. We want to feel signifigant to you. We want to know that you would be inconviencanced for us....and that you will love us in a way that is meaningful to us...not just in a way that you think is good enough.

Going out of your way to do things that make her feel special is all about being creative. Often I think it comes down to selfishness. People can just get so wrapped up in themselves that they do not go out of the way anymore to make a person feel special. Not just in the first few months....but for always.

If any of you have seen Fireproof....Caleb does just enough to get by and Catherine KNOWS it...so it feels meaningless to her. She can tell that he is just going through the motions with not enough EMOTION.

(just my thoughts....hope I did not stray too much from your orriginal topic lol)
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#3
#3
Matthew said:
Question for the girls/ladies/women and whatever men care to be honest!

Having read many 'how do I' threads about how to break the ice with a woman and how to begin a relationship, one piece of advice often repeated is :-

'guys, ask the girls some questions and don't just talk about yourself'

I didn't know this was a thing guys were known for doing, mainly because I always find myself doing the opposite and I ask a lot of questions, I do that for two reasons, the first is I like her so I want to know about her therefore talking about myself is entirely the wrong way to go about things, secondly, I don't consider me and my life to be so interesting she is going to want to hear all about it....my life isn't that of an international spy so I figure my life story won't get her fascinated.

So seeing as this apparently happens a lot why do you girls think guys do it? is it just that some men are supremely confident and incredibly impressed by themselves or is it just that nerves get the best of them and they start talking about the only thing they really know a lot about?

Feel free to share your own stories, preferably the funny ones ;)
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Honestly I rarely experience this I feel in the guys I actually eventually have feelings for..The guy I like right now asks me more questions than he talks about himself, i mean he answers my questions in detail but doesnt just talk....I do have one fairly entertaining story about a guy that really couldnt talk about anything but himself!!

OK so I had "dated" this guy over a year ago now, and were in the same major so we see alot of each other throughout the school year. Well when Ihop had their free pancakes last year we went togehter because I had no one else to go with, and wanted to know if we could be friends. Well a year later I had forgotten how awkard and uncfomrtable that dinner at ihop had been. SO when he asked me to go with him again this year for some reason I decided to say yes, but this time brought my roomate along as well.

So obviously he knew me, but he had never met my roomate and when you meet someone you usually ask the questions about hey whats your major, what year are you, etc...NOPE not him, he literally talked about himself for 90% of the time for anotehr 5% he talked about the girl he wanted to date and the other 5% somehow I managed to get h im to talk about our major so we could both talk but that usually didn't last long.

And No i didnt believe he talked about himself because he was nervous, we've known each toher a while, and we even dated (I dont remember him talking about himself when we were together). But it was definetly just self-centerdness, and when we left ihop and my roomate and i got in her truck and shut the door we just started laughing and couldnt stop...and yes it was a long story sorry.
 
K

karuna

Guest
#4
#4
People in general are bad conversationalists. This advice, ask more questions, can easily apply to any conversation. It's not just a girl/guy thing. It just shows up in dating advice because that's where people are willing, maybe even frantic, to try new things.

(I will add, if it feels like an interrogation, that is a very bad thing.)
 
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AJ52

Guest
#5
#5
so what are you saying..:mad:
 
S

Sweetheart996

Guest
#6
#6
Partially, I think it is because guys just want to impress us. Alot of times they think all the things they do minute by minute would impress us. They just want us to feel like they are superior. Also I think it is due somewhat to nerves and other things. I think it is rarely from a case of over-confidence or cockiness, but then again, I say rarely. ;)
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#7
#7
Matthew said:
nerves get the best of them and they start talking about the only thing they really know a lot about?
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This one.

And, a lot of the time I find women are just really quite boring to talk to (unless they're over 60). Sometimes, the only way to stay genuinely interested in the conversation is by bringing in subjects that do interest you (usually your interests, things you have done or said, or just things otherwise about yourself). However, the usual trade off is that she will find you boring (women are strange creatures and find boring things interesting and interesting things boring).

In my experience, in most one to one cross-sex conversations with individuals to whom you have only recently been acquainted, at least one party is going to find the conversation boring. The only realistic exception is if you both fancy the pants off each other and then it doesn't matter what you say; you could probably even confess to genocide and she'd think it lovely.
 
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Kuroko

Guest
#8
#8
lol
Maddog welcome to the conundrum that is being a man, my favorite line from any movie regarding the topic is when the professor from back to the future (you know the one who invents TIME TRAVEL) turns away from marty and says "It's better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe, women!" and it's so true!

I doubt girls will ever truly know what they want (so don't even try yourself) but I know what they need is to feel important, all we want is to be accepted.. pretty easy both ways but some where it gets confusing.

Rob.
 
K

Kay_Kay

Guest
#9
#9
Aw, not arrogant, just when people get nervous they tend to talk about themselves. It's a subject they know the most about, ha ha! :)
 
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Kuroko

Guest
#10
#10
I already know myself, time to get to know other people :p

But it's also hard on the other angle because you kind of feel like you're interrogating them as well ^_^
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#11
#11
Okay, I'll tell you about my friend. Incredibly, he manages to be even more socially gauche than me.

So it was the hottest day of the year and I decide to take him on a day trip to Scarborough. I was ligging about on the beach in nobbut me speedos, but he was still fully dressed and wearing his jumper. He didn't even roll his sleeves up. Anyway, it came to his notice that there was a young lass sunbathing a few yards in front of us; blond hair, blue eyes, altogether rather pretty. He desperately wanted to go and talk to her but it took him a good half hour to pluck up the confidence. During this time we managed to listen in to some of her conversations with her sister and surmised that she was foreign, and it later transpired that Sweden was her home country.

When he finally wandered over to engage her in some light intercourse, I couldn't resist listening in to hear what charming compliments he was bestowing on her. Unfortunately, rather than light hearted conversation as one might expect, he had instead opted to stand over her and give her a long monologue on our countries' respective economies.

He tried a similar method when we went on holiday to Munich. On the beach next to the river he again attempted to win over the affections of a young fraulein. However, peroration on his admiration for German efficiency and industry did not have the desired effect. When he had finished his speech and enquired as to her Christian name she responded ''I'd rather not tell you''.
 
K

Kay_Kay

Guest
#12
#12
Maddog said:
Okay, I'll tell you about my friend. Incredibly, he manages to be even more socially gauche than me.

So it was the hottest day of the year and I decide to take him on a day trip to Scarborough. I was ligging about on the beach in nobbut me speedos, but he was still fully dressed and wearing his jumper. He didn't even roll his sleeves up. Anyway, it came to his notice that there was a young lass sunbathing a few yards in front of us; blond hair, blue eyes, altogether rather pretty. He desperately wanted to go and talk to her but it took him a good half hour to pluck up the confidence. During this time we managed to listen in to some of her conversations with her sister and surmised that she was foreign, and it later transpired that Sweden was her home country.

When he finally wandered over to engage her in some light intercourse, I couldn't resist listening in to hear what charming compliments he was bestowing on her. Unfortunately, rather than light hearted conversation as one might expect, he had instead opted to stand over her and give her a long monologue on our countries' respective economies.

He tried a similar method when we went on holiday to Munich. On the beach next to the river he again attempted to win over the affections of a young fraulein. However, peroration on his admiration for German efficiency and industry did not have the desired effect. When he had finished his speech and enquired as to her Christian name she responded ''I'd rather not tell you''.
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As a sapiosexual I would be very impressed with your friend and probably offer him my number, ha ha! Although I understand the desire for most women to be romanced in a more traditional way. ;)
 
K

Kuroko

Guest
#13
#13
When he finally wandered over to engage her in some light intercourse
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Well there's the first problem! :p

Next time tell him that a conversation needs to be held up on two sides, what he should do is think of some questions he would like to ask her that he himself would like to get to know about her, certain things she may thing and certain things she might like doing.

Never will you find a turtle willing to leave the safety of it's shell without an incentive.
Besides from her answers he can delve into her personality a little easier ^_^
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#14
#14
Maddog said:
Okay, I'll tell you about my friend. Incredibly, he manages to be even more socially gauche than me.

So it was the hottest day of the year and I decide to take him on a day trip to Scarborough. I was ligging about on the beach in nobbut me speedos, but he was still fully dressed and wearing his jumper. He didn't even roll his sleeves up. Anyway, it came to his notice that there was a young lass sunbathing a few yards in front of us; blond hair, blue eyes, altogether rather pretty. He desperately wanted to go and talk to her but it took him a good half hour to pluck up the confidence. During this time we managed to listen in to some of her conversations with her sister and surmised that she was foreign, and it later transpired that Sweden was her home country.

When he finally wandered over to engage her in some light intercourse, I couldn't resist listening in to hear what charming compliments he was bestowing on her. Unfortunately, rather than light hearted conversation as one might expect, he had instead opted to stand over her and give her a long monologue on our countries' respective economies.

He tried a similar method when we went on holiday to Munich. On the beach next to the river he again attempted to win over the affections of a young fraulein. However, peroration on his admiration for German efficiency and industry did not have the desired effect. When he had finished his speech and enquired as to her Christian name she responded ''I'd rather not tell you''.
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I've never thought of comparative economics as a way in with the ladies, obviously not the most effective method :) credit to the guy for trying though.

I figured it was more often nerves than egotism although that does come into play with some guys, I can't really relate to the nervous rambling as when I get nervous it usually results in my mind going blank and all my preparation passing into the ether, and I am left with that voice in my head yelling 'say something!, anything is better than nothing!'.

It's all a bit crazy but I try to see the humour in it, otherwise I'd never talk to anyone. :p
 
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