“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. Romans 9:14
Sometimes it's hard to see his mercy.
i know, John. i know. i feel like i'm circling the drain at the moment.
i have to remind myself that God has already taken care of my biggest problem; my own sin and rebellion. He was willing to do that; can i trust Him with my little problems? the answer is of course! but then, His ways are not my ways. what if i pray for something He knows would not benefit me, or would actually be harmful? can i accept a "no" answer? these are not rhetorical questions for me; they're very real.
years ago, a man wrote a book about what he called God's "severe mercy". Moses experienced this when he wasn't allowed to enter the Promised Land. Moses' crime was that of Nadab and Abihu, and they were killed, as it was a capital crime. Moses wasn't punished as his crime deserved, but i feel fairly sure it must have felt to him a severe mercy.
if you think about it, in the beginning all our crimes against God are capital crimes (in the day you eat of it, you shall surely die). the wages of sin is death. God IS merciful in postponing judgement for some, and having Christ die in the place of others.
i'm making a mull of this, but i just want to say for some of us, trusting the Lord is very difficult. it's why we have to raise a stone of remembrance in our minds for each time God helps us... so we can build trust on them.
i wish you could hear how gently i say this, and know how guilty i am of doing it. please, i beg you, don't raise an idol. please don't put an earthly thing above your love of God. it isn't worth it, and that's a masterpiece of understatement. often we think, "if i could have this ONE thing i would be happy". it rarely stops at 'this one thing'.
God knows better than we what's good for us, and we must believe it.
in the words of William Cowper:
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour:
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own Interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
may the Lord bless and keep you