Have any of you fallen victim to your spouse being unfaithful? If so, how did you handle it?

[kqr_anointed]

lol i misread the title

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

lol i misread the title

It was good timing though! The thread was getting a bit depressing.

 

[Carlyw]

I don't know if you have a good pastor and church. If so, that's where I'd start. However, there are plenty of bad pastors with unbiblical council I've heard of. Beware of all and weigh each with the Word daily, especially online. It's a dangerous thing to consider such critical opinions from strangers of every background. You'll not always get God's opinion.

I agree 100%, its risky to take strangers advice at times. Whether pastors or people in person or online. thats why I asked for stories.

I do however appreciate your advice here. And I believe its helpful and modest. It isnt taking what little details I gave and suggesting a extreme life altering thing.

I guess its in our human nature to give our opinions even when unprompted. We want to help because we love one another, or feel as if we can make a difference in someone's life.

We have a good Church. I dont know how to talk to the pastor about it as my husband isnt completely honest about what happened and refuses to speak about it because he says its too hard to explain.

I dont think we will seek counsel for it at this time in our lives. But we do have pastoral counseling

 

[Carlyw]

Is your husband a believer? Perhaps he has a great amount of remorse, but doesn't know how to show it. You're presently living with him or separated? In my marriage I'm the one that fell into temptation. I felt like it was a black hole, and there was no real satisfaction. It was completely empty experience and I knew it wouldn't be something that created a bond even though I know in the flesh that continuing in that would've been bonding. I'm not sure. I really understand the scriptures when there is the admonition that not to have relations with a prostitute because "don't you know you become one with a prostitute" but I would counter only in so far without denying the authority scriptures here. Maybe I'm wrong and should be corrected, but I do believe that in the process of recovery and forgiveness, there is no bonding in a spiritual way because I've broken that off through the power of the strength of the Holy Spirit. Of course there is some memory of it, but the memory does not hold me or keep me from wanting to be affectionate to my wife… In theory but in my case, my wife left me so I'm not sure what the most godly way to proceed is sometimes. Does the partner who is abandoned just wait for the other partner to come back and for how long. I don't think more than two years I would be able to be alone because I already find myself developing deep friendships with sisters in the church. How does one not think about the possibility of remarriage when you are alone, even if you're still separated. But I suppose it's different in your case because you're together and hopefully keep praying for your partner that you both can draw close to the Lord through the experience and find trust. You have mentioned exactly the key point in my view, which is trusting the partner. And I don't know how my wife would trust me again and that's why she doesn't see any possibility of coming back together. But God is in control and I trust him and we'll see how he leads me in the future. I would only proceed one way or another in the peace of the Lord, whether it would be to have divorce or to remarry or to stay single. The key thing is to walk in the peace of the Lord. These are things that I can speak about anonymously here… I hope I can stay totally anonymous because it's not something that I would want to share publicly and be known. Although I would be open to getting to know people outside of the chat at some point. There are some very wise comments and thoughts and people sharing deep spiritual, and biblical insight here and I'm grateful to be a part of this forum. Also keep in mind that it would be impossible to explain that all so plainly to my wife, without bringing serious pain, and she does not want understand as I've tried to talk to her, but she just doesn't wanna communicate.I would never actually say it quite that way.

I love your honesty here! Wow. Thank you so much. Genuinely.

My husband says he is a believer and I hope to God he is. I really shouldn't look down on him as I do. He tells me what I think sounds silly by biblical standards..I do need to do better encouraging him and voicing things with love and humility. I am so lost lately.

I will pray for you and your wife. I know you didnt ask for my advice but I would wait. She may talk to you again. Pray and pray. Perhaps have these sisters in christ pray as well. I know God can work miracles. Your marriage is a covenant in his eyes. He made it with you two and him. He is faithful to his covenants. Don't give up, not yet. There's so much hope!

I want to say at least. But also, you know whats best for your walk. I tend to be overly hopeful at times. And I dont know you or your situation well. Take what I say lightly and consider my words carefully

 

[Carlyw]

I found this 15 minute talk by John Piper very beautiful and encouraging, even if it didn't work out for me. This would be my model.

https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-can-couples-heal-after-adultery

I love John Piper, thank you

 

[Mordy]

I love your honesty here! Wow. Thank you so much. Genuinely.

My husband says he is a believer and I hope to God he is. I really shouldn't look down on him as I do. He tells me what I think sounds silly by biblical standards..I do need to do better encouraging him and voicing things with love and humility. I am so lost lately.

I will pray for you and your wife. I know you didnt ask for my advice but I would wait. She may talk to you again. Pray and pray. Perhaps have these sisters in christ pray as well. I know God can work miracles. Your marriage is a covenant in his eyes. He made it with you two and him. He is faithful to his covenants. Don't give up, not yet. There's so much hope!

I want to say at least. But also, you know whats best for your walk. I tend to be overly hopeful at times. And I dont know you or your situation well. Take what I say lightly and consider my words carefully

Have you ever heard the phrase "he who has the most hope has the most influence"… The hope of a believer is not me wishful thinking, but it is holding onto the prize that we've already obtained through our Lord and Saviour Messiah Yeshua. I am hopeful, but there are days where I feel weak and sad and aching of rejection and abandonment has to be understood in the light of how I hurt her emotionally. I can't imagine how she must feel so I must be patient. what else is there? There really is nowhere else to go except to my new job far away.