Hello : D

[Joanii]

20 year old lady here, I have honestly been wondering if there are any Christians out there who also lack the desire of having children? Aka they plan on having a child free life. Children are a blessing and I do not ever disagree with that but I’ve met people that believe that it’s a mandatory requirement in marriage. This also makes it hard for someone like me since I lack this desire for children many people look at me like I have just committed the worst sin

 

[Lynx]

20 year old lady here, I have honestly been wondering if there are any Christians out there who also lack the desire of having children? Aka they plan on having a child free life. Children are a blessing and I do not ever disagree with that but I’ve met people that believe that it’s a mandatory requirement in marriage. This also makes it hard for someone like me since I lack this desire for children many people look at me like I have just committed the worst sin

First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

I'm 48 and have no desire to have kids. Never have had any desire for it. There's a lot to be said for it. I have a much more peaceful life than some people.

On the other hand, my dad is currently dying. I'm here to take care of him. I know that when I die nobody will be here to take care of me. I don't resent that because I did not put in the work to raise a family. But I think I am not looking forward to it.

 

[Joanii]

First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

I'm 48 and have no desire to have kids. Never have had any desire for it. There's a lot to be said for it. I have a much more peaceful life than some people.

On the other hand, my dad is currently dying. I'm here to take care of him. I know that when I die nobody will be here to take care of me. I don't resent that because I did not put in the work to raise a family. But I think I am not looking forward to it.

Wow thank you for sharing this with me! Honestly I believe God just called us all to different paths.

 

[cinder]

Well I think we as a society have young people who's bodies are reaching adult maturity faster than their emotions. So at 20 it's fine to feel like you don't want or aren't ready to raise children. People would probably give you just as much pushback if you said you couldn't wait to have kids. But 20-30 years in the future when it's too late to change things you start to realize that having a family benefits you in areas like social and community connection, having good milestones to look forward to, feeling like you've done something fulfilling and meaningful with your life etc.

So no one is going to force you to have children, but a childless future comes with its own rarely acknowledged costs as well.

 

[Lanolin]

The Christians I know that had children are all divorced.
I became a Christian much later, so I think I just had a different path, and also I didn't marry so if not married I'm not expected to have children.
Looking after in old age, well, I never expected to make it that far, honestly, in my country for my generation we just live like there's no tomorrow, cos it was never promised to us.

 

[Lanolin]

Yea the looks of pity or suggestions of some of the ladies at church give me actually I find are creepy.
I love children and get on with them well, but I don't think I could bear them. If I'm asked about it, I just give a vague answer otherwise they'll keep on nagging me.
Many women have had complications of childbirth so it's a miracle they've survived, but those who are really determined will do so, it's just not as easy as it once was to raise children these days.

And of the ones I know, that I asked why did you have children, and if they were giving me an honest answer, it was because everyone else in their family was having them. So its probably just a case of envy which is probably a bigger sin than not having them in the first place. Make it make sense!

 

[Joanii]

Well I think we as a society have young people who's bodies are reaching adult maturity faster than their emotions. So at 20 it's fine to feel like you don't want or aren't ready to raise children. People would probably give you just as much pushback if you said you couldn't wait to have kids. But 20-30 years in the future when it's too late to change things you start to realize that having a family benefits you in areas like social and community connection, having good milestones to look forward to, feeling like you've done something fulfilling and meaningful with your life etc.

So no one is going to force you to have children, but a childless future comes with its own rarely acknowledged costs as well.

I completely understand that fear but I don’t fear these things since well I don’t plan to leave something of myself behind because I don’t believe I should…? My happiness and fulfillment will be in heaven with The Lord whatever I left behind doesn’t matter to me really.

 

[Joanii]

Yea the looks of pity or suggestions of some of the ladies at church give me actually I find are creepy.
I love children and get on with them well, but I don't think I could bear them. If I'm asked about it, I just give a vague answer otherwise they'll keep on nagging me.
Many women have had complications of childbirth so it's a miracle they've survived, but those who are really determined will do so, it's just not as easy as it once was to raise children these days.

And of the ones I know, that I asked why did you have children, and if they were giving me an honest answer, it was because everyone else in their family was having them. So its probably just a case of envy which is probably a bigger sin than not having them in the first place. Make it make sense!

Indeed, people are very unrealistic when it comes to children. They are a huge responsibility, they aren’t just objects or cute little creatures. You literally have to be with them, teach them, and so on. It is a blessing from God but people fail to understand that children aren’t toys. They are humans. And as a parent you have to be responsible for every little thing about them. That’s why people end up getting stressed and so forth and letting their emotions out on their kids. Or they get a career and they end up neglecting their children. This is why it is wise to not follow tradition of the church because God does not call us all to make a family because he knows that we all won’t be able to handle or even properly carry that out.

 

[Lynx]

I completely understand that fear but I don’t fear these things since well I don’t plan to leave something of myself behind because I don’t believe I should…? My happiness and fulfillment will be in heaven with The Lord whatever I left behind doesn’t matter to me really.

Yeah, this one comedian said how I feel best: "I'm not excited enough about me to feel like I should put more of me out there. Myself was good for one run. I like my life. But I don't think I'm hot enough that the world needs another one of me.

 

[welsh79]

First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

I'm 48 and have no desire to have kids. Never have had any desire for it. There's a lot to be said for it. I have a much more peaceful life than some people.

On the other hand, my dad is currently dying. I'm here to take care of him. I know that when I die nobody will be here to take care of me. I don't resent that because I did not put in the work to raise a family. But I think I am not looking forward to it.

You're pretty much in the same boat as me.

I always wanted children and a family growing up and through my 20's and 30's but sadly the people I was in relationships with either didn't want children, or I didn't feel as if they were in the right place to settle down and so I left before we got to marriage...and then of course, children.

Now there's only my dad and uncle left in the family, I do often wonder how I will feel with no family, siblings, wife or children. It does make me feel sad and a little isolated at times but ultimately God will still be there for me.

 

[Lynx]

You're pretty much in the same boat as me.

I always wanted children and a family growing up and through my 20's and 30's but sadly the people I was in relationships with either didn't want children, or I didn't feel as if they were in the right place to settle down and so I left before we got to marriage...and then of course, children.

Now there's only my dad and uncle left in the family, I do often wonder how I will feel with no family, siblings, wife or children. It does make me feel sad and a little isolated at times but ultimately God will still be there for me.

Yeah... I take a little cold comfort in the knowledge that it will not be forever.

 

[Lanolin]

You can't always guarantee your children will look after you in your old age, if you do reach old age.

I know its an obligation in the Bible, but children might send you to a rest home you don't like! Also, Jesus made provision for his mother Mary when he knew he wouldn't be around to look after her, and he didn't ask any of Mary's other children - his own brothers and sisters, He asked John, one of his disciples.

 

[Lynx]

You can't always guarantee your children will look after you in your old age, if you do reach old age.

I know its an obligation in the Bible, but children might send you to a rest home you don't like! Also, Jesus made provision for his mother Mary when he knew he wouldn't be around to look after her, and he didn't ask any of Mary's other children - his own brothers and sisters, He asked John, one of his disciples.

I'm still learnin' about life, my woman brought children for me
So I can sing them all my songs and I can tell them stories
Most of my boys are with me, some are still out seekin' glory
And some I had to leave behind, my brother, I'm still sorry

[Chorus]
Soon, I'll be sixty years old, my daddy got sixty-one
Remember life and then your life becomes a better one
I made a man so happy when I wrote a letter once
I hope my children come and visit once or twice a month

[Breakdown]
Soon, I'll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me?
Soon, I'll be sixty years old


- Lukas Graham

 

[Lanolin]

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera

 

[Lanolin]

Doris Day

I think she did end up divorced as her husband(s) beat her up, and widowed - she did have one child, but he didn't take care of her in her old age, as she worked and made her own money, which she gave to animal welfare charities and she had a lot of dogs for company.

So she wasn't a crazy cat lady with no children, she became a crazy dog lady with one child -- and many husbands
Also one of her husbands tried to force her to have an abortion, so it's like, you can't win being female. She decided to keep the baby and the dad ran off, the child was then adopted by one of her later husbands.

Plus, you might marry a widow that already has had children. You never know how life may turn out is what I'm saying. Oh and she lived to age 95.

 

[Lanolin]

Doris Day's son died years before she did.

Anyway..theres some good reasons to have children and some bad, but whatever age you have them, even if they aren't your own, treat them well and they'll think of you as their mother. And that goes for pets as well.