Danielle this is an oppression and INTIMIDATION tactic. The enemy knows if you feel afraid and guilty then that hinders your faith. If he can hinder your faith, he can block your ability to hear and receive peace from God. If someone is drowing and panicking, they can't even hear or receive the hand or voice that tries to rescue. You must absolutely calm down and refuse the fear. Please keep asking the Lord for deliverance and for assurance (confidence) of your IDENTITY in Christ.
I want to give you an example of a similar OCD oppression i suffered and how i overcame. One day the enemy attacked me with a spirit of great fear and i suddenly could not have confidence in who i was in Christ. This came after i had sinned and i had not yet forgiven myself even though God already forgave me.
When i prayed "my father" the devil would speak to me that i was addressing him and not God and that my prayer was directed at him. When i would sing a song that contained the name "emmanuel" i would suddenly feel a strong warning that i would die very soon because that was the name of a person i had previously fallen into sexual sin with and that i was not even allowed to speak that name because it provoked God to anger at me. When i tried to worship Jesus, i would feel a strong evil presence around me and a PHYSICAL sensation of a sharp knife on my skin, with a voice threatening me that i would die. When i would kneel down to pray, i would hear demons quoting scripture as an accusation against me and they would show me a mental image of the spirit of death, a long dark shadow wearing a Hood, and she was standing behind me leaning forward. I would feel intense fear and impending doom. I would feel physical symptoms of knives and choking. It was very scary.
This lasted a few days until the Lord told me: "you know who you are, why are you allowing the enemy to frighten or confuse you?". I stood up and rebuked the fear, and had FAITH that God is my father and the devil can never confuse me again. I recovered peace and confidence from that point. I think what you're facing is very connected to fear and a confused identity in Christ. You keep refusing to forgive yourself and seeing yourself as forgiven by God. This gives the devil more room to torment you. Please make an effort to forgive yourself and rebuke fear. The more they intimidate you, the more they will continue until you say STOP, no more.
Ask the Lord to restore your sense of identity and to deliver you from fear. Ask Him also to fortify your FAITH
God loves you danielle, you belong to Him and no matter how the devil oppresses your mind, you are a beautiful child of God and i pray for that assurance to enter your heart. God is NOT looking down at you and seeking for every little thing he could accuse you of, He loves you as a father and He's waiting for you to finally grow in confidence.
Father i pray concerning danielle, that every tactic of intimidation will be put to shame and exposed, that she will receive your peace and your love in her heart, that she will know your great mercy towards her and the Healing that is in your name. I take autority in the name of Jesus and rebuke now every form of intimidation and harrassment against her mind. This harassment must stop now in Jesus name! I scatter every evil reinforcement of fear against her life and i declare her loose in Jesus name. Father, glorify your name in her life. Make her bold as a lion. Father let the powers that are tormenting her life be tormented from now on. Father i pray that whatever gift, talent, blessing or opportunity they are trying to hinder through fear in her life, will be revealed to your glory and that you will promote her in the very sight of her enemies. In Jesus name. Amen!!!
