Hey Im new to this BUT NEED ADVICE

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Charlize

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I was wondering if anyone can help me...
I have been in a 7 year relationship and im now 24.
The man who im engaged too has been since the start a challange and i can say ive changed him to a much nicer human being who is now a lot more in tune with his emotions and has given up drinking which affected his moods so badly but because i was so young i didnt understand...
His a lot older than me however quite young in many ways..i love him so much and care about him but he just doesnt hold me,...hug me unless i reach out for him : (
his sooo distant his always been this way yet his the MOST generous man you will ever meet...a real provider (and im not with him because of this) its just a beautiful trait he has.
I love him like family
But am not in love with him anymore :(
after 4 years of almost begging for attention in the touching feeling and emotional way ive lost the desire to keep trying as the only time id get a kiss was in the bedroom.
Im a full time model that loves my work and enjoys the excitment of my job so i accepted my life and i am really lucky in many ways but still felt empty...then my best guy friend of 8 years fell in love with me,...I now love him too.
His my age would give his life for me and i miss him everyday.
but i cant BEAR THE thought of hurting my man :(
i dont know what to do it was a terrible mistake to get involved with a man so much older than me there is no future but i feel as if im obligated to stay as he doesnt even have any close family and i cant bear to break him
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP
X
 
It isn't always about love. Love comes in waves I think. Though you may constantly love someone as a person, feeling "in love" can be stronger sometimes than other times. It sounds to me like you went outside of your relationship to get what you weren't getting in the relationship (affection, attention, etc). Maybe you really aren't right for each other, but in any case, communication is so important to making a relationship work. In the future you might want to be more careful about how you handle situations in which you're not getting what you want from your partner. If you were married, this would drive a wedge and you'd be dealing with divorce. My sister just came out of a marriage that way. It's not right to go looking elsewhere for what you're not getting.. Just be extremely honest and direct when you want something "I NEED this from you and if I don't get it, I'm going to start resenting you and it's going to drive a wedge between us." ..

Having said that, if you really don't feel like this guy is right for you, now is the time to get out. Don't lead him on anymore. It's not fair to either of you. Just tell him that you've loved him for 7 years and you still do but you just don't feel like you are right for each other. Don't mention this other guy, that's only going to hurt him unnecessarily.. As for him not having a lot of support, offer your friendship if you're willing? It's difficult to make the transition, it might take some time apart at first, but I've managed to make it work with my ex. Now we're great friends, nothing more.

I would also say that you might not want to jump into another relationship right away. If you were with this man for 7 years you need to properly close that door before you can open a new one. Take some time to figure your life out and then try things with your best guy friend.
 
I know you don't want to hurt this man, but you are not receiving the intimacy you need from the relationship. You don't love him in that way anyway, so even if you were, it wouldn't be real, would it? Don't settle. As tough as it can be sometimes, it's never a good idea to stay in a relationship just because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. The longer you stay with him, the more it will hurt both of you.

It also sounds like you need some time to be alone. You are very young. You have time. Take it. Be the best you in Christ that you can be. THEN you'll be ready for the right relationship. This obviously is not it for you. :)

Love in Christ! <3
 
Thanks so much for replying,
I have tried talking to my man of 7 years...he always says he will make a effort he will change ect and never does.
Then when i tried to leave he made me feel so guilty and sad by saying the right things and being so kind,
we keep going around in circles.
He doesnt spend any time with me his married to his job but he doesnt want to lose me either!
Its so hard as i love my step children soooooo much they are 12 and 10 and ive been in their lives since they can remember :(
I know this is not the right relationship, i feel though i cant break this family up....
the kids will be more than devasted and my mans much older than me i made a HUGE mistake by going with a older man im very mature for my age i gew up quite fast and thought the maturity was perfect....
but his had his life previously been married, 2 kids, home, business ect...
Im so scared i truly know the best relationship for me is with another man yet i have ties to 3 ppl

xx Charlize
 
The things is, if you're not happy, you're not giving your best self to the relationship.. I'm sure it would be extremely painful to break up with a family.. It sounds like you are being drawn by this guy friend of yours.. The grass looks greener on the other side... But you can't let that guy distract you from making this life decision. You need to be able to say to yourself, "I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, than be with him another minute." Because you think that you are better off without him in your life. Don't break up with guy #1 because you're more interested in guy #2... because guy #2 is going to have problems too...

I understand how hard it is to break up with someone that's just not letting you break up with them... My last boyfriend, I tried to break up with him at least 10 times.. and every single time he said the exact words I wanted to hear... and he would change for a few days and then it went back to the same old problems.. Eventually he gave up too and it was a more mutual decision..

Here's the thing, it sounds like you've already made up your mind.. So now, you just have to do it.. Tell him there is nothing he can say that is going to change your mind.. It's over, you are out. And then start doing whatever you have to do whether its moving out or whatever.. If you know you're going to leave him anyway, do it now.. You can't keep putting it off further and further... Perhaps once he realizes it's over you can talk to his kids together... If you're going to do it, do it now.. there is no benefit to waiting another few months.. or another year..
 
Can you pray and take a good decision ?. The love isn't a feeling. feeling comes and go but to be with someone is a decision in better and worse
 
You said u were in a relationship so I assume you are not married. I think its high time you broke it off with this other man that you don't have feelings for anymore and give the other guy a chance.
 
How is the most important relationship of all? Your relationship with Jesus?
 
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