-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
U
If the person isn't willing to admit they are addicted, and also see this as a problem and have an active desire to want to change, there is really nothing you can do. Just don't enable this person by providing them with things they want and need, but can't obtain on their own because of their alcoholism. Addicts need to hit rock bottom before they decide to look up. And the more you help this person, the harder it is for them to hit rock bottom.
I know it seems like prayer doesn't help, because we like to see immediate reactions... But fact of the mater is, prayer is the best thing and the thing that can help the most... God is more powerful than any quick gimmick or fix...
Besides praying just show the family member what Jesus is by your life... Live like Jesus would have lived... If you show love like Jesus you will see that person start to change...
And I know you don't want to hear this sentence right here but, you also might have to accept that maybe right now the family member is not ready to hear God... Just plant some seeds and let God water them...
If you try to force Christianity down the family members throat, it will never work... Just keep praying...
Besides praying just show the family member what Jesus is by your life... Live like Jesus would have lived... If you show love like Jesus you will see that person start to change...
And I know you don't want to hear this sentence right here but, you also might have to accept that maybe right now the family member is not ready to hear God... Just plant some seeds and let God water them...
If you try to force Christianity down the family members throat, it will never work... Just keep praying...
A
You've given some good advice. I had had the experience of dealing with an alcoholic in my family and confronting them before they're ready to admit they have a problem will only cause them to be defensive. They have to reach a point where they want to change. Find the address of the nearest meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous they have support groups for family members of alcoholics.
Keep praying for this person. God hears you!
Keep praying for this person. God hears you!
I have a relative who's had a problem with alcohol for close to 30 years now. She's definitely addicted. But whenever she wants a drink she has to conjure up problems to convince herself that her reason to drink outweighs her reason for staying sober. Then she gets more problems. After she gives in and has recuperated she gives the usual, "I've learned a lot now. I can really manage my emotions. I've made some great break throughs." And she tries to make herself feel better. A week later she's back at it again. I don't think she gets it. It's all about feelings with her. She wants to feel good instead of correct the problem. She wants to feel like she's corrected the problem and been forgiven and forgive herself and move on with her life every time she screws up. And she ends up neither feeling good nor correcting the problem. It's become ritual.
1. Restless > 2. Conjure up past problems > 3. Drink > 4. Drunk > 5. Stop drinking for a month to feel like you've conquered your problems and reinforce this perception by feeding yourself a steady string of b.s. > go back to step one
She's got it down like clockwork. So I can sympathize.
1. Restless > 2. Conjure up past problems > 3. Drink > 4. Drunk > 5. Stop drinking for a month to feel like you've conquered your problems and reinforce this perception by feeding yourself a steady string of b.s. > go back to step one
She's got it down like clockwork. So I can sympathize.
B
my boyfriend is a severe alcoholic and I just posted on this site. I am going to al-anon meetings, and I went to a few aa meetings. I also ordered the book- getting them sober by toby rice drews.
Mostly, I learned what not to say to him, like forcing things on him. Lecturing him makes him run from me. and avoid me. I just lived calmly, in God, and said I can't change another person. I can only leave him. Or stay and pray. I am currently praying for him, and in the last two months saw a huge change in him. toward me. As for his drinking, that did not change, he just tried to not black out on me.
that did not stick. Now, I am just trying to go back to prayer, and remind myself that God does and CAN heal people of afflictions like this. We cannot predict or perceive the many ways in which his grace works. And he does listen when we need him, and others we pray for need him.
Mostly, I learned what not to say to him, like forcing things on him. Lecturing him makes him run from me. and avoid me. I just lived calmly, in God, and said I can't change another person. I can only leave him. Or stay and pray. I am currently praying for him, and in the last two months saw a huge change in him. toward me. As for his drinking, that did not change, he just tried to not black out on me.
that did not stick. Now, I am just trying to go back to prayer, and remind myself that God does and CAN heal people of afflictions like this. We cannot predict or perceive the many ways in which his grace works. And he does listen when we need him, and others we pray for need him.
Y
My father has the same problem. He almost has never provided me. I hated him for while before i got to know God. I have been praying for him for years since i accepted Jesus. Years passed, he is wtill the same. I don't agree what he does for sure. What i can do is to accept and love him with God's patience. The changing working in only in God's hands though our prayers. God is much bigger, even my father is the same, i also get so worried, no peaceful often, but when i turn my eyes back to God, there is always hope there.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
Prayer is always the best help. The same time, accept and love him more in God.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
Prayer is always the best help. The same time, accept and love him more in God.
R
I have had experience with a few addicts over time. One thing I have learned is that it doesn't really matter what the person is addicted to, the patterns are the same. Every addict has an enabler. If that is you....stop. Prayer always works so don't ever stop doing that. Just be patient. Addicts don't stop using until they are ready to do it themselves and you will wear yourself out trying to get them to stop. What ever it is that feeds their addiction is going to come before you and everything else in their lives that doesn't feed that addiction in some way. I guess in a way, what ever the addiction is, it becomes like a god to them and they serve it. The hardest thing for me to accept was that there was nothing I could do to help and I wasted years of my life learning that lesson. I could have listened to other people that were telling me the things I just told you but I didn't. I learned the hard way. Im not saying that an addict doesn't need your help or support. You just have to make sure what you are doing to help isn't actually enabling the addiction. Addicts are extremely good at keeping their enablers fooled. If this person doesn't want to stop using alcohol they aren't going to no matter what you do, no matter how much you beg, cry, scream.....it has to be their decision. Hitting "rock bottom" can happen over and over for an addict. Some people just stay there and find a way to use. If this person isn't ready to stop drinking...they aren't going to. No matter what you or anyone else does or says....they are going to drink. I know this may sound pretty cold and cruel but if you decide to try to spend your time helping a person quit using their substance of choice you are going to be pulled down with them. Tell this person how you feel and offer to do anything they need to get assistance with their addiction and leave it at that. Go on about your life and keep praying for them. If you choose to do this you will have enormous feelings of guilt and and addict will try to use that to their advantage in using you. Addicts use....they use alcohol, drugs, sex, people....its a vicious cycle that only ends when the addiction ends. The addiction ends when they end it. Not you or anyone else on this earth can change that fact. Keep praying. It may take months, years or even decades but don't stop praying. God will work in his own time. In the mean time, live your life and do God's will. I think it is called "tough love" when you stop helping an addict. I don't like that term really. I don't have a better one but it is early in the day for me. I do know that sometimes it is better to smack a hand than to hold it. I wish you all the best with what you are going through. Always remember that God is watching and knows what you need. He will never leave us nor forsake us. Wait on the Lord and let Him work. He can do things that we can't even imagine.
I have a friend who is a Christian and has alcohol problems. He's maybe a little different in that he wants to be dry, but what I and my other friends do with him is that if we're together, if we go out somewhere, etc, we NEVER drink alcohol in front of them. Not because we think alcohol in itself is bad, but because it will cause him to stumble if we drink around him.
So I would suggest spend time together, do genuinely fun things together, but don't drink around them. Don't facilitate their drinking (avoid buying them drinks, don't give them money for drinks, as gently as possible), but don't outright block them, either, because that will just burn the bridge between you when the time comes for them to reach out for help.
But some of the stuff said above is true, I think - ultimately, you can't do anything until they decide they want out of it. In that respect, prayer is the best thing you can do for them. You almost want the person to bottom out, so they'll finally do something about it (hence why it's so important for you to have a good relationship with them despite themselves!) But model for them that it is possible to live a life without being drunk, love them and support them in every way bar their drinking, don't preach at them, but provide openings for them to invite thoughts from you. I used to smoke, and there were times when I really hated it, and wanted someone to tell me to stop smoking. From speaking to people who are reformed or reforming addicts, even when they most loved the stuff, there was also a part that wasn't happy, and sometimes wanted someone to gently say "Do you want to be free of this?" to them.
You want God to send his Holy Spirit to stir up that part, and you want to make it easy for that part of your relative to in God's mercy wake and say to you "I want to talk to you about my drinking."
So I would suggest spend time together, do genuinely fun things together, but don't drink around them. Don't facilitate their drinking (avoid buying them drinks, don't give them money for drinks, as gently as possible), but don't outright block them, either, because that will just burn the bridge between you when the time comes for them to reach out for help.
But some of the stuff said above is true, I think - ultimately, you can't do anything until they decide they want out of it. In that respect, prayer is the best thing you can do for them. You almost want the person to bottom out, so they'll finally do something about it (hence why it's so important for you to have a good relationship with them despite themselves!) But model for them that it is possible to live a life without being drunk, love them and support them in every way bar their drinking, don't preach at them, but provide openings for them to invite thoughts from you. I used to smoke, and there were times when I really hated it, and wanted someone to tell me to stop smoking. From speaking to people who are reformed or reforming addicts, even when they most loved the stuff, there was also a part that wasn't happy, and sometimes wanted someone to gently say "Do you want to be free of this?" to them.
You want God to send his Holy Spirit to stir up that part, and you want to make it easy for that part of your relative to in God's mercy wake and say to you "I want to talk to you about my drinking."