How do I pick up the pieces?

[Schambe7]

I have been married for 10 years this July and we have 2 beautiful children together. We have had a wonderful picture perfect marriage( well I thought we did). We are both from Christian homes and both got saved at an early age. We have had our fights over the last 10 yrs but nothing major. We have never gone to bed mad or upset at one another. He has always been my rock and my strength. My whole world crumbled on March 1 of this yr. I was on the computer and I went to pull up my facebook but it pulled up his instead. He must not have logged off last time he was on. Anyways, there was a message on there so I checked it. It was from a former co-worker for an ambulance co.(one that he hasn't talked to in 5 yrs) and it was basically her talking about a night 5 yrs ago. Well I was shocked to make a long story short, I asked him about it and he told me everything. He told me that she had been coming onto him for a while back then and one night he was on her shift and they were alone and it just happened. He left his job right after that,which at the time I thought was odd but now I understand he was getting away from her. And he promises me he has not talked to her since that time. She requested him as a friend on facebook and he accepted(idiot) but that was the first message she had sent him. We have never had any other problems. I wish now that I had not found out about it. But he did come out with everything and he was honest. I know I have every biblical ground to divorce him but I don't want to. I feel like we can make it through this. I have really good days and everything seems to be fine between us and then it hits me like a ton of bricks and it makes me sick. I guess my good days are because I don't think about it and I push it away or bottle it up. I know that is not what I need to do to make it throuth this. We are starting a class at our church called Recovery- its basically for hurts hangups and addictions. And I know that will help. I have read Every Heart Restored and he has read Every Mans Battle. He is more than willing to do whatever it takes. He is my bestfriend and I won't give up on us.He assures me that it won't ever happen again and that it was nothing but sex. Its hard as a Christian woman to disassociate sex from love. He has told me that he was away from the Lord and struggling at that point in his life. I understand that it was 5 yrs ago and we were out of church but that does not justify it. I know we can make it through this but at the same time how do I pick up the pieces and go on. I feel with all my heart that our relationship will be stronger because of this. Please if you have any advice or you just want to pray for us it would be greatly appreciated.

 

[choZn]

It sounds as though you are on the right track. I have two thoughts for your consideration:
1) The class will only be as helpful as you and your husband allow it to be. If both of you do not FULLY participate, dedicate your efforts first and foremost to God, over and over again-as many times as it takes, and seek deeper counsel within the leadership of the church you will only be going through the motions.
2) A willingness to ignore, bottle up, overlook suspected infidelity can come across to your mate as if you don't care. There's a fine line between trust and rightly staking a claim.
I feel deeply for you. I hear and understand your pain. My heart goes out to you as do my prayers for you.

 

[grace]

I read your post earlier today, and did not feel the right words to say to you.

I still don't.....but I wanted you to know that I prayed for you today.

I too know the pain of knowing that your spouse was not faithful to you. You do wonder how you begin to pick up the pieces when it appears that the pieces have been all thrown into the wind.

Your post seemed very sincere and full of honesty. Thanks for shareing some of your story.