S
ShyForHim
Guest
So, you could say it's a long testimony.
Originally, I was brought up Catholic. As far as I started learning about God, I was around five years old. My mom was the one who always taught me about him and such, but there was always something else, and that was Mary and the saints.
Being a kid, I had no idea, but I really loved the fact that there was a God, better than anyone and who loved every single creation of his. And so I did with my journey for now, I thought I'd be with God always. But one day in church (or someone said it) that since I desired to go to Heaven, I would never, ever be able to reach it, due to my arrogancy of desiring it.
That phrase, crushed my soul, so I continued sad and depressed, knowing I'll never meet God personally after death.
When I was around 11, I left Poland with my mother and sister, in search of a better life. We landed in Spain and I still live here. One day, few hours before going to school, my mom claimed that I literally died, not passed out, but died since my heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing. Until today, I remember I faced darkness and it was as vivid as life itself.
I eventually "woke up" and I knew I had to find the answers for this.
Years later, when I was 17, I fell into deep depression as I failed school, and kept failing at life itself. I was never good at anything, and the economical crisis started, my mom became frustrated and always released her rage on me. (Yellings) I was sick of it and self harmed for a couple of months. I eventually recovered.
In 2009, I found a website talking about Heaven and God.. ironically enough, it lead to a Christian website (TalkJesus, some of you may know it). I decided to give it a try and thought "Hey, christian website, I bet they're all like me, catholics." I was deadly wrong. I learned the truth about Mary and the Saints, even more about God, Jesus and everything. I was sad again, I refused to listen to it. Thus, I left the website. I blamed God for my life and told him "I never want to do anything with you again."
Three years later, in the early 2012 on april, I met this young girl named Kaimaya. She told me how she was born with a weak heart, and spent all her childhood in the hospital. Back then, she was on the edge of death so I decided to stay by her side for her last days of life. We created a huge bond, we became like sisters.
One day on april, she eventually landed in the hospital, none of the operations helped her go through it. I was sad, and again, blamed God for taking away a loved one of mine. She did die, and I broke down. For two hours, I cried miserably and wanted to kill myself just to follow her to hell.
But after those two hours, I received the news that she started breathing in the ambulance. I was surprised, and I knew it was a sign. A couple of day later, she told me the following: "I met Jesus.. and he told me it's not my time yet. Said, all of my friends and family are crying over the loss." I was stunned, but also became really jealous. I found it unfair that she met God so early while I sought him all my life.
Back then I thought I simply had to live my life, despite it being bad and such. (I still lived in sin) But this summer wasn't great either, and things got worse again - economically speaking. When I had my internet back on September, I got the news that my friend Kaimaya already went through various operations.
At the end of the month, she died again, but I don't know for how long. It was really late at night for me, but I remember having a dream of her telling me "everything's fine now." The next couple of days later (I was constantly being updated by her boyfriend) she met Jesus again and said "It's time for you now." but someone else (a friend of Kaimaya's, who died couple of days earlier) interrupted Jesus and said "not yet."
As much as messy this can be, it's real. I got jealous again and returned to the christian chat mentioned earlier, and stayed. I was frustrated, angry and evious of my friend, but I started opening my heart and begged Jesus to come and help me later that night. That was on 29th September.
From then, I decided to grow and learn more about God, and now everything has changed, life is colorful and not black and gray.
I tried sharing my testimony to my friends and spread the Word to Kaimaya and others, sadly, they refuse to accept Jesus. Again, Kaimaya's body now is too weak and she might die within the next days. Sad, yet I have to move on. God saved me, and I'm glad.
Originally, I was brought up Catholic. As far as I started learning about God, I was around five years old. My mom was the one who always taught me about him and such, but there was always something else, and that was Mary and the saints.
Being a kid, I had no idea, but I really loved the fact that there was a God, better than anyone and who loved every single creation of his. And so I did with my journey for now, I thought I'd be with God always. But one day in church (or someone said it) that since I desired to go to Heaven, I would never, ever be able to reach it, due to my arrogancy of desiring it.
That phrase, crushed my soul, so I continued sad and depressed, knowing I'll never meet God personally after death.
When I was around 11, I left Poland with my mother and sister, in search of a better life. We landed in Spain and I still live here. One day, few hours before going to school, my mom claimed that I literally died, not passed out, but died since my heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing. Until today, I remember I faced darkness and it was as vivid as life itself.
I eventually "woke up" and I knew I had to find the answers for this.
Years later, when I was 17, I fell into deep depression as I failed school, and kept failing at life itself. I was never good at anything, and the economical crisis started, my mom became frustrated and always released her rage on me. (Yellings) I was sick of it and self harmed for a couple of months. I eventually recovered.
In 2009, I found a website talking about Heaven and God.. ironically enough, it lead to a Christian website (TalkJesus, some of you may know it). I decided to give it a try and thought "Hey, christian website, I bet they're all like me, catholics." I was deadly wrong. I learned the truth about Mary and the Saints, even more about God, Jesus and everything. I was sad again, I refused to listen to it. Thus, I left the website. I blamed God for my life and told him "I never want to do anything with you again."
Three years later, in the early 2012 on april, I met this young girl named Kaimaya. She told me how she was born with a weak heart, and spent all her childhood in the hospital. Back then, she was on the edge of death so I decided to stay by her side for her last days of life. We created a huge bond, we became like sisters.
One day on april, she eventually landed in the hospital, none of the operations helped her go through it. I was sad, and again, blamed God for taking away a loved one of mine. She did die, and I broke down. For two hours, I cried miserably and wanted to kill myself just to follow her to hell.
But after those two hours, I received the news that she started breathing in the ambulance. I was surprised, and I knew it was a sign. A couple of day later, she told me the following: "I met Jesus.. and he told me it's not my time yet. Said, all of my friends and family are crying over the loss." I was stunned, but also became really jealous. I found it unfair that she met God so early while I sought him all my life.
Back then I thought I simply had to live my life, despite it being bad and such. (I still lived in sin) But this summer wasn't great either, and things got worse again - economically speaking. When I had my internet back on September, I got the news that my friend Kaimaya already went through various operations.
At the end of the month, she died again, but I don't know for how long. It was really late at night for me, but I remember having a dream of her telling me "everything's fine now." The next couple of days later (I was constantly being updated by her boyfriend) she met Jesus again and said "It's time for you now." but someone else (a friend of Kaimaya's, who died couple of days earlier) interrupted Jesus and said "not yet."
As much as messy this can be, it's real. I got jealous again and returned to the christian chat mentioned earlier, and stayed. I was frustrated, angry and evious of my friend, but I started opening my heart and begged Jesus to come and help me later that night. That was on 29th September.
From then, I decided to grow and learn more about God, and now everything has changed, life is colorful and not black and gray.
I tried sharing my testimony to my friends and spread the Word to Kaimaya and others, sadly, they refuse to accept Jesus. Again, Kaimaya's body now is too weak and she might die within the next days. Sad, yet I have to move on. God saved me, and I'm glad.
