Thank you both for you help. It is very encouraging.
It is not so much a lack of skill, it is more of a lack of an environment where I can build and refine my leadership skills, but more importantly, build up my confidence in that I can be a leader. I know that I am a born leader, it is in my blood. I have felt it all my life. I want to be a Shepard with his own flock.
At work now, there is two other full time guys, and two high school students.... The oldest full time is 25, and the other one is 19... As with most people I have found in AB, they are Me focused, and they do what they want.... and avoid the work they do not want to..... I, or any one else, ask for help.... it is minimal to avoiding help.... I use all the manners that I grew up with, and I ask as nicely as I can... still rejected.... 20 years of living with people like this, dealing with people like this....... it hurts... Soo much......
My wife and I have only been married for 7 months. I know that she wants me to lead in a loving way. She knows that I want to lead, but that I am scared to lead. Part of it is that I do not want to fail her, for it mostly feels like that is all I can do.
Another thing that does not help is that I can get a panic attack on "anything," and my mind shuts down....
I need to be off to bed, and to try and fall asleep. Again, thanks Soo Much!!