I don't know what to do about my friend!

[gigitgirl]

My best friends of 11 years has changed so much since we got into high school. It seems like as soon as she got her first boyfriend something happened to her. She started to sleep with guys without even thinking. She makes jokes about how many guys she's slept with in the past 3 years; sometimes she can't even name them all. She's also tried drugs, drinking, and smoking. She knows that I'm a Christain, and yet she still does all this and talks about it around me. When I'm around her, I feel like she brings out the worst in me. I don't do anything bad, but she makes me think differently. She's my best friend and I love her, but I'm afraid that if I can't get to her soon, I'll lose her. Do you have any advice?

 

[STRUGGLING]

The only thing I can tell you you is that "back when" I was in school I went the way like your best riend ablack sheep then But now can say since Im found to you from her side "where I WAS in school is that i truly LOVED the best friend I had left behind/hurt and never forgot the Love and Christian life that he/she/they shared with me and so never forgot the Lamb Who loves me read: aout the prodigal son my story too believe I mean with fauth and prayer your best friend will come home soon to her True love : "the life of Christ in you! " be patient with her He IS till everyone comes home Im not saying STOP witnessing to her Im saying witness more about that ther is little time now AND with LOVE maybe share what im telling you here as you might plan a nice meal for someone plan a witness and time togethr to share the gospel but only prepare yourself to be HURT hoping and praying a result now nay be the seed you plant that will grow and grow with Christs work in her heart when that time comes BELIEVE for her in His perfect timing even if you must go seperate ways for now OK?

 

[Joshua175]

My advice is to be bold in Christ and preach to her. Tell her what Christ Jesus can do for her life. Tell her the Gospel message. How Jesus died on the cross and on the third day he arose again so that we can be saved from condemnation and sin. If she doesn't want to be your friend anymore than so be it. Jesus should be the fullness of our friendship. Jesus said "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."

Remember the Love of the Father is much greater than the love that you have for your friend.
"Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners."

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

I think you should preach to your friend. If she does not want to be your friend as I have said so be it. If she does want to be your friend but you feel she is setting a bad example toward you. Maybe you should let her know that you still love her but you can't be her friend until she gets her act together. That's by opinion on the matter. God Bless You. I hope everything works out.

 

[Muirnin]

I agree about being around those that influence you inappropriately......in thought or deed. God gives us free choice and she is choosing a path that isn't following the Word of God. However, God loves her too so please be loving in your appraoch with her.

 

[xJoe]

My best friends of 11 years has changed so much since we got into high school. It seems like as soon as she got her first boyfriend something happened to her. She started to sleep with guys without even thinking. She makes jokes about how many guys she's slept with in the past 3 years; sometimes she can't even name them all. She's also tried drugs, drinking, and smoking. She knows that I'm a Christain, and yet she still does all this and talks about it around me. When I'm around her, I feel like she brings out the worst in me. I don't do anything bad, but she makes me think differently. She's my best friend and I love her, but I'm afraid that if I can't get to her soon, I'll lose her. Do you have any advice?

YOUR JOB is to make sure she has the gospel. Make sure she knows how to be saved and make sure she knows you are.
I have some friends who live wrong and I try to make sure that they know I don't support what they do. You can be someones friend but it doesn't mean that you agree with them. If people will not change and seem to only get worse it will only bring you down.

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

If you are not effecting her for good then she is in deed effecting you for bad. You rub off on each other.
I am friends with lost people but I am not best friends with them for this very reason. Whoever we are the most close to is the person we conform to.
I never grew a lot spiritually until I let go of all my bad friends sadly.

 

[dmdave17]

Dear gigitgirl,

I hesitated to respond to your post since I am so much older than you, then I read the post by xJoe. As is often the case, I think he shows remarkable insight for someone his age.
I believe that he is right; you cannot consider this girl your best friend any longer. She can be a dear friend, a valued companion, but I believe that you need to move on from considering her your best friend. She has chosen a different path for her life than you have, and those paths do not run parallel to each other.
I would suggest that you pray for her earnestly. Ask God to show her the error of her ways and turn her away from the lifestyle she has embraced. And be a witness to her, in word and deed. When she begins to talk about her partners or her sexual encounters, tell her gently but firmly that you don't want to hear about them. Tell her you are not interested in that, and if that is all she can talk about, you don't want to talk to her.
Also, I assume that you have as much fun in general as she does; socializing and doing things which young people of your age do. You can show her through your actions that sex and drugs are not necessary to enjoying life. Also, sexual promiscuity at her age is often a sign of insecurity and low self esteem. You can "build her up" verbally, and show her that she is a valuable person without having to give herself to boys so freely.
But mostly, I believe that you need to draw a line in the sand with her. Tell and show her that if she continues to pursue the life she is currently living, you can no longer be her friend.
Hope this helps. God be with you in your endeavors.

 

[OneHolyFire]

I Corinth. 15:33 says " Do not be deceived. Bad company corrupts good character." You have a decision to make. Obviously, you love this person and want what's best for them, but you must also remember to "guard what's been entrusted to you" - your faith! If you believe that your prayers have power, then they will work, even if you are not standing right beside her! We all have seasons in our life. Just because she has been a long time friend, doesn't mean you should continue to expose yourself to this behaviour. You have entered into a new season of your relationship, and it sounds like it needs to look differently. Continue to pray for her, continue to believe that one day your prayers will come to fruition, but until then, I agree with the others who say, it's time to walk away from this potentially damaging relationship. Do not look down upon her, but genuinely intercede for her. Some are lost, deceived, blind, helpless, they need a Saviour, they need an intercessor who will believe for them! You can't save her from herself, only Christ can do that. "His" influence changes everything, yours is limited. KNOW that you've been a good example, and TRUST that God will do the rest! And whether you see the results of your prayers or not, remember this: Never give up on ANYBODY!! God will do the work! He will bring everything to perfect completion! May God bless you and heal your hurting heart.

 

[OneHolyFire]

Oops, one final thought: If you do seperate yourself, make sure she knows you are not doing this because you think you are "better than her". You are doing it, because it makes you too sad to see her like this. And you can't bear to watch.

 

[VikkiKate89]

I've been down this road too and it's not an easy one. The best thing you can do right now, if you can't bring yourself to end the friendship then at least start distancing yourself from her. Spend less time with her, make contact with her less, just start to pull away from that, especially if you feel she's bringing up a side of you that you don't like. And if she asks why your relationship has changed, be honest, but gentle about it. There's always the chance she'll come around and level out, I know I've seen that happen to some of my best friends in the past who were making the same mistakes, they eventually burned out whatever part of them made them want to act out and they leveled out. But sometimes it's not a phase, so all the more reason to distance yourself. Be supportive in what ways you can, but if she's going in a downward spiral, don't let her take you down with her.