what God is doing???? Despair,Despair..........
I recommend reading Job 38-41, and realize that God does more than we can ever fathom and He has a plan that He will bring to pass in His timing. The ways of God are far above the ways of man, and His thoughts above our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). Do not despair because as long as you are His, you will overcome the seasons of loneliness. Let Jesus be everything to you, to satisfy your every need and to have access to all of you, and I assure you that your despair and anxiety will fade away.
The Bible says that we are friends of God and as friends we are told what God is doing (John 15). Are you God's friend or are you still living as His servant only? Jesus says that a friend lays down his life for another. This is what Jesus did for us, of course, so that we can be saved. As such, we are sons and daughters of God, considered friends of God, brought into His confidence. He reveals His plans to us in the measure that we can receive. If you have not fully accepted this, then you are still living out your salvation as one of works, how much you can do for God, rather than of grace, knowing that nothing we do (or don't do) can make Him love us less. As a friend of God, He will show you His plans.
Rest in this, trust in the salvation that comes through repentance, and know that God is up to something...something good!