Z
I haven't had a single Christmas without some form of drama for over a decade. It's like everyone's expectations for the day become so immense that it's forgotten what the day is really about. It's not about presents - who spent the most money - or past grievances. It's Christ, our Lord, our Saviour's birth. It is the beginning of something so very special, but not with my family. This year I really tried to make sure everyone was happy, because this is a joyous occasion. But some things are just out of our control.
It all started with a post on Facebook. Before that post everything was literally a wall of positive. Friends and family were wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, but then I sighted this one post that was different from all the rest and worse than that it was directed at my family. You see I have an older brother who is 32. He has 2 kids with a past girlfriend and has nothing to do with them. He has a new girlfriend, younger, prettier I'm told and they have no children. My mum isn't the typical grandmother. Except for birthdays and Christmas there's really no contact. For a while I was holding the fort, going to see my niece and nephew whenever I could, but around 5 months ago her mum had a heart attack and while I was there and helped as much as I could we kind of lost touch afterwards. I had won a gym membership and I guess i just was working so hard because I was part of a fitness challenge that I just didn't have the time, energy or the fuel to visit (I live 40 minutes drive from their house, which is around 35km away). And then I hurt my back and was laid up for 8 weeks which led to depression... It was just a really bad time.
The post last night was about how we didn't deserve to call ourselves family because we just let them down. That was the gist of it, with a whole lot of swearing. I messaged Racheal (the mum) and told her how sorry I was and how could I make it up to the kids, and she forgave me and went on to tell me she was just sick of the kids missing out and that my mum and my older brother could have at least called. I understand where she's coming from. I told her I'd come around today and see the kids.
Mum is just so angry though. "I called her on Saturday to see if she was coming out but she was too hungover". I understand mum's frustration. It's just if her and Racheal start pointing fingers it's the kids who are going to miss out. Christmas Eve was beautiful. My mum was filled with the Holy Spirit to the point she was crying. She told me that things would be different and she was going to change and if she did or said anything to me that hurt me or made me spiral into depressed thought to tell her and say "What would Jesus do?" I tried this last night because I know The Lord doesn't want her to hold onto this anger and this pride but she said she doesn't think Jesus cares what she does. Now she is talking of having no more contact with Racheal or the kids and is going to do the same as my big brother has. I don't know what to do... I reminded her how Jesus forgave Peter and gave him peace of mind but her pride is too big and all she can see is how she has been wronged. I've asked her to talk to our pastor's wife but she refused. I know I need to pray about this because God can move my mum's heart. If my mum and Racheal could just sit down together I know this could be resolved... Please, Lord, help me. This burden is too great for my shoulders alone...
It all started with a post on Facebook. Before that post everything was literally a wall of positive. Friends and family were wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, but then I sighted this one post that was different from all the rest and worse than that it was directed at my family. You see I have an older brother who is 32. He has 2 kids with a past girlfriend and has nothing to do with them. He has a new girlfriend, younger, prettier I'm told and they have no children. My mum isn't the typical grandmother. Except for birthdays and Christmas there's really no contact. For a while I was holding the fort, going to see my niece and nephew whenever I could, but around 5 months ago her mum had a heart attack and while I was there and helped as much as I could we kind of lost touch afterwards. I had won a gym membership and I guess i just was working so hard because I was part of a fitness challenge that I just didn't have the time, energy or the fuel to visit (I live 40 minutes drive from their house, which is around 35km away). And then I hurt my back and was laid up for 8 weeks which led to depression... It was just a really bad time.
The post last night was about how we didn't deserve to call ourselves family because we just let them down. That was the gist of it, with a whole lot of swearing. I messaged Racheal (the mum) and told her how sorry I was and how could I make it up to the kids, and she forgave me and went on to tell me she was just sick of the kids missing out and that my mum and my older brother could have at least called. I understand where she's coming from. I told her I'd come around today and see the kids.
Mum is just so angry though. "I called her on Saturday to see if she was coming out but she was too hungover". I understand mum's frustration. It's just if her and Racheal start pointing fingers it's the kids who are going to miss out. Christmas Eve was beautiful. My mum was filled with the Holy Spirit to the point she was crying. She told me that things would be different and she was going to change and if she did or said anything to me that hurt me or made me spiral into depressed thought to tell her and say "What would Jesus do?" I tried this last night because I know The Lord doesn't want her to hold onto this anger and this pride but she said she doesn't think Jesus cares what she does. Now she is talking of having no more contact with Racheal or the kids and is going to do the same as my big brother has. I don't know what to do... I reminded her how Jesus forgave Peter and gave him peace of mind but her pride is too big and all she can see is how she has been wronged. I've asked her to talk to our pastor's wife but she refused. I know I need to pray about this because God can move my mum's heart. If my mum and Racheal could just sit down together I know this could be resolved... Please, Lord, help me. This burden is too great for my shoulders alone...