J
Jordache
Guest
This takes a little back story so I'll keep it as short as possible. My father began raping me when I was an infant. It's hard to say exactly when it started but it began earlier than 18 months for me. My father was very perverted and had no shame about it. He had stacks and stacks of porn in every room in the house. He celebrated holidays with orgies. The fact that I know the justifies to how you how shameless he was. I remembered very few out right abuses of my father, but even with those nothing struck in me that they were wrong. They were simply just memories of my dad and his behavior was just normal to me. However, at 13, after everything (for the most part) had ended, I ended up making a police report and my father was brought up for something he had done for years that I was just barely beginning to recognize as inappropriate. However I still didn't think it was that bad. After that ordeal I shoved it under the rug and had no real surface issues with him. At about 17 I had a horrific nightmare. It came completely out of the blue. The subject had not been on my mind. I had not heard stories or watched movies about. There was absolutely no reason for me to dream this. And to make matters worse, it was the most void dream I have EVER had in my entire life even to this day. To be brief, my father was abusing me as I lay on the living room floor when I used to sleep at his house. I really couldn't figure it out so I settled within myself that I don't know exactly what happened, but my dad wasn't quite as good as I thought he was. Years after this dream, I had another greyscale dream. It was eerie and played like a horror movie. I was terrified. There was a baby in a crib waiting to get picked up and I'm comes a man with a full dark beard. My dad was the only man I knew like that. I felt myself at that point completely shut the dream down. I knew there was more to go, but I couldn't bear to witness it. Years later I had the same dream again and I felt a strange feeling that I finally related to déjà vu. I knew The Lord wanted to speak to me through it and I asked him to help me not be afraid and be able to continue in the dream. That night I had the dream and despite the horrific abuse I saw taking place, I felt peace because I knew God was with me. When I woke up I was at peace that Id finally seen, but still felt that I had shut the dream off early for fear of what would come next. However, the revelation was already enough for that season. Sometime later the dream came back and I again prayed that The Lord would help me to see all that happened. I had the dream that night and it did continue and get worse. However, this time I notice a few elements I hadn't seen before. I was in a room that was dreary. There were two windows with yellow curtains blowing in a gentle breeze. Through the window shone right yellow sunshine and the room was completely white.
Part of processing abuse is finding what The Lord was doing or where he was in the event. This has been very difficult. I have had limited success at it. I always knew that these elements meant something but never realized just how meaningful they were. I always thought Id see Jesus' face. But not this time. A friend of my church recently did a short dream seminar that several people attended. That was a few days ago, so I thought I'd consider some older dreams ive had which haven't been completely interpreted. I thought that all those symbols were just peace... But they mean so much more.
My father abuse me in a home full of people in denial, and at times behind locked doors... And I felt like no one knew.
2 means witness
windows let the light in
a light breeze is peaceful control
white is righteousness and purity
yellow is hope
Thus, the Lord shone his light on this and Jesus was there witnessing it all along. I was never alone, and it was never hidden. Through Jesus flowed hope which filled that room. Jesus was in calm control of it all. The room itself was actually me. Though there was darkness all around that room was white (righteous and pure) and filled with the sunshine (hope) that shown through the windows (Jesus the witness).
Part of processing abuse is finding what The Lord was doing or where he was in the event. This has been very difficult. I have had limited success at it. I always knew that these elements meant something but never realized just how meaningful they were. I always thought Id see Jesus' face. But not this time. A friend of my church recently did a short dream seminar that several people attended. That was a few days ago, so I thought I'd consider some older dreams ive had which haven't been completely interpreted. I thought that all those symbols were just peace... But they mean so much more.
My father abuse me in a home full of people in denial, and at times behind locked doors... And I felt like no one knew.
2 means witness
windows let the light in
a light breeze is peaceful control
white is righteousness and purity
yellow is hope
Thus, the Lord shone his light on this and Jesus was there witnessing it all along. I was never alone, and it was never hidden. Through Jesus flowed hope which filled that room. Jesus was in calm control of it all. The room itself was actually me. Though there was darkness all around that room was white (righteous and pure) and filled with the sunshine (hope) that shown through the windows (Jesus the witness).
