E
My entire life, I've been walking a path of self-righteousness, self-saving, boastfulness,and I was proud of my own achievements. Or so I thought. But deep, deep down, all I had was guilt, condemnation, weariness, troubles, hurt, pain, anxiety, remorse, sicknesses, but I tried my best to hide that all. I tried to fool the entire world by showing them that I was a "Christian". That I did a lot of good. I helped those in need, and I told God what I've done. All my achievements and everything good. I told Him that I was doing this so I could get saved. Because, only righteous people entered His kingdom. I lied to myself repeatedly, countless amount of times, by saying over,and over again, that I was going to Heaven because I was a "Christian" and the rest of them, were going to Hell. But to be honest, I wasn't too sure myself. And I was scared of death. After witnessing my grandfather's passing, I became afraid. That could be me one day. Where would I go?
But I blamed God. For everything in my life. Rarely did I ever thank Him. When the bad things happened, I would say, "Why God? Why would you do this to me? I believe in You. They don't. I do a lot of good. They do wicked and evil things, yet this doesn't happen to them". I would blame God for everything. Every mistake I made, God was to blame. But, every achievement I had, congratulations and thanking went to me. And when people asked me about God, I had no answers. How could I possibly answer them, when I myself didn't know? And then, I questioned God, for every little thing.
When I read the Bible,I somehow just laugh a little. They sound like child-like stories, with just bigger words. They don't make any sense. It all sounded like a big gigantic story. And Christ dying? That was the most embarrassing part of it all. All my Buddhist, Hindu and Muslim friends, talking highly of their gods. And me? My God died my crying out loud! How does that sound like a great God? To others,it was stupid. I was starting to think that way too. I asked God, "If you're so "almighty" and "great", then why let Satan rule, huh? Why let him have the upper hand at everything on this earth?"
I may have been young, but that's when you really start to ask the questions. I was called a "Christian", but just like everybody else, maybe even worse than everyone else, I had fights, I cried, and i just couldn't bare it anymore. "God,if you're so "good" and "loving" and "merciful", why aren't you here to protect me?" I asked God countless amount of times.
Though I called myself a "Christian", I was lost, weak,vulnerable, scared, tempted, empty, filled with void, darkness and I thought that there was no hope. At all, for me. I rejected God once. I didn't think He'd want me anymore, let alone help me. But the thing about God is; He never gives up. He never lost hope in me, even when I did, with Him. I just didn't get it. Why would God still help me, even after I disgraced Him, laughed at Him, was embarrassed of Him, even after I hated Him, why would God still want to show me kindness? But then, it hit me. Well, God opened up to me. He said "If I were to give up hope in you, I would have had given up hope in all of humanity. For My son came here to die, for people like you. If I were to lose that, then who would be in Heaven with Me? If I were to stop trying to win you back even after you despised me, then, I am no God. I am a God of love. I see those in need. I see their hearts. And before this, child, your heart was hardened. But it's because of those trials that I've put you through, because of the pain you've endured, that why you seeked My help. But know this; I have not left your side. Not once. I have, am, and will, always be there for you. You just needed a good little push before you realized what you really needed".
And that's when it all changed. I'd realized why God did what He did. And now, I'm grateful. Now, death is my friend. Condemnation, I have no longer. Pain, it's gone. Weariness, it dried out. I've been made new. I've been made clean. A lost cause like me, found hope. When all seemed lost, and hope was barely even there, God reached out His hand. His timings are perfect. He knows what to do, and when to do it. Because for God, it's never too late. The world lost hope in me. When no one would take me in, God did. Though I despised Him, ridiculed Him, laughed at Him, He never lost hope in me. It wasn't me that found God, it was God that found me. I may be a total waste of time to this earth, but to God, I'm even more precious than a gem. It's amazing how God works. The people you think are less likely to be saved, end up getting saved. It turns out that it's not the saints that get saved. It's the sinners. And in and through Him, those sinners, are made saints. Sinless and righteous ones, that is. Now I understand the whole "only the righteous can enter the Kingdom of God". It's simply amazing. And I just want to thank God. I want to thank Him for giving me a second chance. He's full of them.
Sometimes, all it takes is a push. Just one simple push to turn your entire life around. I'm glad I was given a push. Will you accept one today?
But I blamed God. For everything in my life. Rarely did I ever thank Him. When the bad things happened, I would say, "Why God? Why would you do this to me? I believe in You. They don't. I do a lot of good. They do wicked and evil things, yet this doesn't happen to them". I would blame God for everything. Every mistake I made, God was to blame. But, every achievement I had, congratulations and thanking went to me. And when people asked me about God, I had no answers. How could I possibly answer them, when I myself didn't know? And then, I questioned God, for every little thing.
When I read the Bible,I somehow just laugh a little. They sound like child-like stories, with just bigger words. They don't make any sense. It all sounded like a big gigantic story. And Christ dying? That was the most embarrassing part of it all. All my Buddhist, Hindu and Muslim friends, talking highly of their gods. And me? My God died my crying out loud! How does that sound like a great God? To others,it was stupid. I was starting to think that way too. I asked God, "If you're so "almighty" and "great", then why let Satan rule, huh? Why let him have the upper hand at everything on this earth?"
I may have been young, but that's when you really start to ask the questions. I was called a "Christian", but just like everybody else, maybe even worse than everyone else, I had fights, I cried, and i just couldn't bare it anymore. "God,if you're so "good" and "loving" and "merciful", why aren't you here to protect me?" I asked God countless amount of times.
Though I called myself a "Christian", I was lost, weak,vulnerable, scared, tempted, empty, filled with void, darkness and I thought that there was no hope. At all, for me. I rejected God once. I didn't think He'd want me anymore, let alone help me. But the thing about God is; He never gives up. He never lost hope in me, even when I did, with Him. I just didn't get it. Why would God still help me, even after I disgraced Him, laughed at Him, was embarrassed of Him, even after I hated Him, why would God still want to show me kindness? But then, it hit me. Well, God opened up to me. He said "If I were to give up hope in you, I would have had given up hope in all of humanity. For My son came here to die, for people like you. If I were to lose that, then who would be in Heaven with Me? If I were to stop trying to win you back even after you despised me, then, I am no God. I am a God of love. I see those in need. I see their hearts. And before this, child, your heart was hardened. But it's because of those trials that I've put you through, because of the pain you've endured, that why you seeked My help. But know this; I have not left your side. Not once. I have, am, and will, always be there for you. You just needed a good little push before you realized what you really needed".
And that's when it all changed. I'd realized why God did what He did. And now, I'm grateful. Now, death is my friend. Condemnation, I have no longer. Pain, it's gone. Weariness, it dried out. I've been made new. I've been made clean. A lost cause like me, found hope. When all seemed lost, and hope was barely even there, God reached out His hand. His timings are perfect. He knows what to do, and when to do it. Because for God, it's never too late. The world lost hope in me. When no one would take me in, God did. Though I despised Him, ridiculed Him, laughed at Him, He never lost hope in me. It wasn't me that found God, it was God that found me. I may be a total waste of time to this earth, but to God, I'm even more precious than a gem. It's amazing how God works. The people you think are less likely to be saved, end up getting saved. It turns out that it's not the saints that get saved. It's the sinners. And in and through Him, those sinners, are made saints. Sinless and righteous ones, that is. Now I understand the whole "only the righteous can enter the Kingdom of God". It's simply amazing. And I just want to thank God. I want to thank Him for giving me a second chance. He's full of them.
Sometimes, all it takes is a push. Just one simple push to turn your entire life around. I'm glad I was given a push. Will you accept one today?
All the glory and honour goes to Him.