A few weeks ago, I stepped down with the intention to learn afresh from God in a new way. It has proved beneficial as God has blessed it. I am sad to reply that those closest to me notice a better difference since relinquishing my public ministry in the church; but I fervently worship God because I want to-- not have to.
You see, I was in congregation that transformed fast. Lost some ol' faithfuls in the rush, while gaining new people to praise the Lord with. And, indeed, Praise the Lord for His faithfulness. Still, I have had some growing pains through the stretch of it all. And, well, pride started to creep in. Therefore, I admitted my need to leave... for the health of the congregation and my own soul. Thankfully, the team with whom I worked (and still love and adore) allowed me to peacefully step away for a month.
Here is the thing. I have been able to attend other Bible studies and services, in addition to starting an outreach at the same congregation (the one where I stepped aside in one way). And God has blessed in everyway, so it seems as though I should not return... except some people miss my presence in the more public ministry role.
Yikes! To convolute the situation even more, just as I am getting accustomed to the "break" or "perspective taking time," the music ministry leader has asked to speak with me. It is do or die, time. I need to make a decision. "Lord, do I return already?"
Then, an amazing thing happened. God blessed the basketball outreach. It was the burden that God placed on my heart a few months ago as an idea... and it is taking off. In its 3rd week, we had 15 men, of which 5 are new to the church. Well, thereafter, some guys needed a ride, so I tapped another old ministry partner (from the previous ministry position) and asked if he would help me drop them off. After dropping them off, the ride back allowed me to share. "Do you notice a better difference with me gone?" And my mentor friend replied, "Yes. You should not do anything (in regards to this decision) without hearing from God. Then, do His will, not mine nor anyone else's." (ok, ok, he was less wordy = a true mentor of wisdom)
This weekend I need to have an answer. I still do not hear God clearly, as I see it both ways (albeit, through my lens alone).
Well, here is what I am gong to do. I am going to walk and pray and ask God to help me in my conversation. In fact, let me begin before the walk....
Lord, I am no perfect leader, but I get called by people to assist in leadership and public service. I desire to be in the center of Your will, though I may not desire what You desire all the time. I trust You, I believe in You more than my own reasoning. Yet, I am the one to make the decision here. And it is scary. A few weeks ago, I just wanted to breathe. Now, I have found a way to fly with new freedom. But I am not sure which way you want me to "fly." Do stick with what I am doing? Do I return to old practice with renewed attitude? Do juggle them? Or is there another unknown calling on my life in the near future? Please, help me to find confidence in Christ as I submit, either way. Lord, I also thank you for all of my friends and acquaintances in various places along the way. I ask for continued encouragement for them and that my decision will in no way hinder them from following you more closely. I mean, I know I am nothing, and You can do without. Hello! That is why I have this dilemma; I needed to remove myself from the ongoing ministry. So, now what? I ask for a sign.
A literal sign to confirm my call... to stay away or return to the more public role in ministry. Finally, continue to work my heart and mind. Help me to hunger and thirst for You and then meet my Holy Longing. In Jesus' name, amen.
Ok, now that I prayed, here are some more praises:
--diet is improving
--new pals
--new burdens
--people are responding to God's people in the area
--as I attend 3 different churches, I can truly say I am grateful for God's activity across denominations and styles of worship and outreach
-- I am focusing on a daily devotional and getting into God's word more (although, I want to get back to reading the non-digital Bible longer, to save my eyes)
--my dad whom I have not seen eye-to-eye with on many an occasion just sent me a random email sharing his appreciation and love for me and the sermons of the pastor. (he normally does not combine the two ideas; long story) Yes, I replied, and I shared something that is true... I never once questioned my father's love for me. (something that so many have questioned, good or bad)
--my roommate and I are doing daily devotions more and hold each other accountable by asking about the daily Utmost for His Highest reading. We are growing together in Christ!
prayer requests:
pray for a man and his family who has not been to church for whatever reason
pray for me to be considerate yet confident with humility to go visiting to people who are homebound.
pray for greater hospitality
pray for my roommate to connect with a wonderful woman whom he can serve with in ministry.
pray for my relationship with my family (near and far)
pray for God's will and my response to it
Not to me, but to His Name be the glory.
--IDEA
(PS, I am attending a bible series on James this week's was about the hardships and how God never wastes an opportunity to grow us, love us. So even as things are smooth in my writing this, I expect harsher times around the corner. I hope to grow then, and even now. I pray the same for each reader.)
You see, I was in congregation that transformed fast. Lost some ol' faithfuls in the rush, while gaining new people to praise the Lord with. And, indeed, Praise the Lord for His faithfulness. Still, I have had some growing pains through the stretch of it all. And, well, pride started to creep in. Therefore, I admitted my need to leave... for the health of the congregation and my own soul. Thankfully, the team with whom I worked (and still love and adore) allowed me to peacefully step away for a month.
Here is the thing. I have been able to attend other Bible studies and services, in addition to starting an outreach at the same congregation (the one where I stepped aside in one way). And God has blessed in everyway, so it seems as though I should not return... except some people miss my presence in the more public ministry role.
Yikes! To convolute the situation even more, just as I am getting accustomed to the "break" or "perspective taking time," the music ministry leader has asked to speak with me. It is do or die, time. I need to make a decision. "Lord, do I return already?"
Then, an amazing thing happened. God blessed the basketball outreach. It was the burden that God placed on my heart a few months ago as an idea... and it is taking off. In its 3rd week, we had 15 men, of which 5 are new to the church. Well, thereafter, some guys needed a ride, so I tapped another old ministry partner (from the previous ministry position) and asked if he would help me drop them off. After dropping them off, the ride back allowed me to share. "Do you notice a better difference with me gone?" And my mentor friend replied, "Yes. You should not do anything (in regards to this decision) without hearing from God. Then, do His will, not mine nor anyone else's." (ok, ok, he was less wordy = a true mentor of wisdom)
This weekend I need to have an answer. I still do not hear God clearly, as I see it both ways (albeit, through my lens alone).
Well, here is what I am gong to do. I am going to walk and pray and ask God to help me in my conversation. In fact, let me begin before the walk....
Lord, I am no perfect leader, but I get called by people to assist in leadership and public service. I desire to be in the center of Your will, though I may not desire what You desire all the time. I trust You, I believe in You more than my own reasoning. Yet, I am the one to make the decision here. And it is scary. A few weeks ago, I just wanted to breathe. Now, I have found a way to fly with new freedom. But I am not sure which way you want me to "fly." Do stick with what I am doing? Do I return to old practice with renewed attitude? Do juggle them? Or is there another unknown calling on my life in the near future? Please, help me to find confidence in Christ as I submit, either way. Lord, I also thank you for all of my friends and acquaintances in various places along the way. I ask for continued encouragement for them and that my decision will in no way hinder them from following you more closely. I mean, I know I am nothing, and You can do without. Hello! That is why I have this dilemma; I needed to remove myself from the ongoing ministry. So, now what? I ask for a sign.
A literal sign to confirm my call... to stay away or return to the more public role in ministry. Finally, continue to work my heart and mind. Help me to hunger and thirst for You and then meet my Holy Longing. In Jesus' name, amen.
Ok, now that I prayed, here are some more praises:
--diet is improving
--new pals
--new burdens
--people are responding to God's people in the area
--as I attend 3 different churches, I can truly say I am grateful for God's activity across denominations and styles of worship and outreach
-- I am focusing on a daily devotional and getting into God's word more (although, I want to get back to reading the non-digital Bible longer, to save my eyes)
--my dad whom I have not seen eye-to-eye with on many an occasion just sent me a random email sharing his appreciation and love for me and the sermons of the pastor. (he normally does not combine the two ideas; long story) Yes, I replied, and I shared something that is true... I never once questioned my father's love for me. (something that so many have questioned, good or bad)
--my roommate and I are doing daily devotions more and hold each other accountable by asking about the daily Utmost for His Highest reading. We are growing together in Christ!
prayer requests:
pray for a man and his family who has not been to church for whatever reason
pray for me to be considerate yet confident with humility to go visiting to people who are homebound.
pray for greater hospitality
pray for my roommate to connect with a wonderful woman whom he can serve with in ministry.
pray for my relationship with my family (near and far)
pray for God's will and my response to it
Not to me, but to His Name be the glory.
--IDEA
(PS, I am attending a bible series on James this week's was about the hardships and how God never wastes an opportunity to grow us, love us. So even as things are smooth in my writing this, I expect harsher times around the corner. I hope to grow then, and even now. I pray the same for each reader.)