"Daddy! Look at that weak person over there, he's holding his hand and crying!"
"He burned himself badly on his fireplace, Son. And he's your brother, have some respect for him."
"You know what? I'll get rid of my fireplace! That's what I'll do! I'll never be burned, isn't that smart of me? Why didn't anyone else think of this?"
"I put that fireplace in your house for a reason, son. You need it to stay warm."
"But I have this jacket though! Polar-Tek, keeps me crazy warm! I don't need your fireplace! Plus I have these crossword puzzles to keep me busy with the time I would have spent tending the fire! Aren't I awesome?"
"Do whatever you want with your fireplace."
"I think I'll board it up all nice and neat! I'm afraid of that thing, what if I got too close to it and burned myself? I've never even built a fire before! I accidentally lit a big grass fire once when I was little and got teased over it, I'm not going through that again!"
"It's part of growing. Do I need to remind you that you get these lessons better when you are young?"
"Lessons nothing! There's a whole lot more at stake, what if I build too big of a fire and my house burns down?"
"You have plenty of water to help you put it out, don't you?"
"Well, yeah, but what about wolves? They can get inside your house and hurt you by jumping down the chimney into the fireplace! I'm not going to be the next wolf attack statistic!"
"If you kept your fire lit they wouldn't be able to."
"Yeah, but you know me, I'm no good at tending fires! I know I'll let mine go out and I'll get hurt in a wolf attack!"
"Son, when I built your house, I traded something you don't understand so a bodyguard would stand on top of your roof all day. Do you really think wolves would get inside your house unless they were supposed to be there? All I want you to do is try to keep your fire going to show me that I didn't pay the man all of it to defend an empty house. Your brother would still appreciate some help. Do you have any aloe to offer him?"
"Get someone else to do it! I'm busy with these crossword puzzles, and someone might think I'm one of the weak people that hangs around fireplace users! Besides, what if I end up liking it inside his warm house? I don't trust myself not to spend all my time over there helping him with his burns and I'll never get my crossword puzzles done! And I don't need to keep aloe around since I don't use my fireplace! Boy, my life sure is meaningful!"
"I don't want anyone but you to do it. Why do you think I asked you?"
"Alright, fine! I went and got some aloe, and while I was out I met this really nice young princess who needed help melting the ice off of her well so she could drink! She offered me some of her firewood if I would help her out, but what do I need firewood for? Sure, it was nice and warm inside her house, but someone might see me carrying the firewood home or bringing her hot water to thaw the well and think I'm some kind of fireplace-using wimp! It must stink to be her, you should find someone that's good at building fires and thawing things to help her get her well thawed! I have the aloe though, where did that guy go?"
"You can take it to him after you help the princess get some water."
"No way! Do these arms look like they are strong enough for carrying firewood? They're made for crossword puzzles, I'm telling you! Plus, I don't even drink as much water as I should, how can I help anyone else get any? So where's the guy who needs aloe?"
"He passed out from pain and fell into his fireplace, son."
"Well, that's off my back! Got my fireplace boarded up now, you can't tell it was ever there! I won't end up like him, that's for sure!"
"Very grand. You might want to unboard it now. You've seen the winters here before, haven't you? Even if you manage to not freeze to death, you will need your fireplace going to thaw the sheep's water so they can drink."
"One word: 'Jacket'! Forget the sheep!"
"I paid a price higher than you'll ever understand for those sheep. Would you like to cut your own hand off by accident?"
"Not nice! Boy, it's getting colder outside! I'm glad I have this jacket on! Hey, whatever happened to the young princess with the firewood?"
"A salesman came along and offered her a lifetime supply of soda in exchange for all of her firewood. She had nothing to drink, what did you expect her to do? Do you think the salesman will make sure she stays warm now that he has all of her firewood for himself?"
"Whoa, no water is coming out of my faucet, daddy! I think maybe my line froze?"
"Likely. You didn't really think wearing a jacket would make it okay that your house is five degrees inside, did you?"
"Well that's... darn. I guess I should have un-boarded that fireplace a long time ago, huh?"
"...I'll go ahead and not answer that, son."
"Blast! When I took the boards off, it's full of snow inside! Man, these winters do come on quick!"
"How do you think this looks, son? You're running around in the freezing cold, shoveling snow out of your chimney, leaving a trail of general misery due to unhelpfulness, trying to thaw your water line and burning your hands because you have no practice starting a fire. Everyone else has a warm house, plenty of water, and their sheep are doing fine. Aren't you glad you don't look like one of these 'weak fireplace users'?"
"I think I look like a chump, daddy. Also the sheep you paid everything for are probably dead."
"The sheep are fine. I sent someone else to take care of them because you wouldn't, I'm not going to make them suffer because of your disobedience and self-centric idiocy. I found someone to take the young princess a load of firewood and thaw her well. Soda is not a substitute for water. The gentleman with the burns is doing fine. Everyone else might forgive you once they see you start using your fireplace."
"You know what? These burns on my hands feel kind of good. So does sitting by the fire."
"I love you, son."
"You shouldn't, daddy. Look how badly I have wrecked everything."
"Your burns will heal, the only thing you have wrecked is your house. Your pipes cracked and there's melted snow all over your floor. I'll fix it for you tomorrow because I love you."
Based loosely on a true story. Don't be a jerk like me.
"He burned himself badly on his fireplace, Son. And he's your brother, have some respect for him."
"You know what? I'll get rid of my fireplace! That's what I'll do! I'll never be burned, isn't that smart of me? Why didn't anyone else think of this?"
"I put that fireplace in your house for a reason, son. You need it to stay warm."
"But I have this jacket though! Polar-Tek, keeps me crazy warm! I don't need your fireplace! Plus I have these crossword puzzles to keep me busy with the time I would have spent tending the fire! Aren't I awesome?"
"Do whatever you want with your fireplace."
"I think I'll board it up all nice and neat! I'm afraid of that thing, what if I got too close to it and burned myself? I've never even built a fire before! I accidentally lit a big grass fire once when I was little and got teased over it, I'm not going through that again!"
"It's part of growing. Do I need to remind you that you get these lessons better when you are young?"
"Lessons nothing! There's a whole lot more at stake, what if I build too big of a fire and my house burns down?"
"You have plenty of water to help you put it out, don't you?"
"Well, yeah, but what about wolves? They can get inside your house and hurt you by jumping down the chimney into the fireplace! I'm not going to be the next wolf attack statistic!"
"If you kept your fire lit they wouldn't be able to."
"Yeah, but you know me, I'm no good at tending fires! I know I'll let mine go out and I'll get hurt in a wolf attack!"
"Son, when I built your house, I traded something you don't understand so a bodyguard would stand on top of your roof all day. Do you really think wolves would get inside your house unless they were supposed to be there? All I want you to do is try to keep your fire going to show me that I didn't pay the man all of it to defend an empty house. Your brother would still appreciate some help. Do you have any aloe to offer him?"
"Get someone else to do it! I'm busy with these crossword puzzles, and someone might think I'm one of the weak people that hangs around fireplace users! Besides, what if I end up liking it inside his warm house? I don't trust myself not to spend all my time over there helping him with his burns and I'll never get my crossword puzzles done! And I don't need to keep aloe around since I don't use my fireplace! Boy, my life sure is meaningful!"
"I don't want anyone but you to do it. Why do you think I asked you?"
"Alright, fine! I went and got some aloe, and while I was out I met this really nice young princess who needed help melting the ice off of her well so she could drink! She offered me some of her firewood if I would help her out, but what do I need firewood for? Sure, it was nice and warm inside her house, but someone might see me carrying the firewood home or bringing her hot water to thaw the well and think I'm some kind of fireplace-using wimp! It must stink to be her, you should find someone that's good at building fires and thawing things to help her get her well thawed! I have the aloe though, where did that guy go?"
"You can take it to him after you help the princess get some water."
"No way! Do these arms look like they are strong enough for carrying firewood? They're made for crossword puzzles, I'm telling you! Plus, I don't even drink as much water as I should, how can I help anyone else get any? So where's the guy who needs aloe?"
"He passed out from pain and fell into his fireplace, son."
"Well, that's off my back! Got my fireplace boarded up now, you can't tell it was ever there! I won't end up like him, that's for sure!"
"Very grand. You might want to unboard it now. You've seen the winters here before, haven't you? Even if you manage to not freeze to death, you will need your fireplace going to thaw the sheep's water so they can drink."
"One word: 'Jacket'! Forget the sheep!"
"I paid a price higher than you'll ever understand for those sheep. Would you like to cut your own hand off by accident?"
"Not nice! Boy, it's getting colder outside! I'm glad I have this jacket on! Hey, whatever happened to the young princess with the firewood?"
"A salesman came along and offered her a lifetime supply of soda in exchange for all of her firewood. She had nothing to drink, what did you expect her to do? Do you think the salesman will make sure she stays warm now that he has all of her firewood for himself?"
"Whoa, no water is coming out of my faucet, daddy! I think maybe my line froze?"
"Likely. You didn't really think wearing a jacket would make it okay that your house is five degrees inside, did you?"
"Well that's... darn. I guess I should have un-boarded that fireplace a long time ago, huh?"
"...I'll go ahead and not answer that, son."
"Blast! When I took the boards off, it's full of snow inside! Man, these winters do come on quick!"
"How do you think this looks, son? You're running around in the freezing cold, shoveling snow out of your chimney, leaving a trail of general misery due to unhelpfulness, trying to thaw your water line and burning your hands because you have no practice starting a fire. Everyone else has a warm house, plenty of water, and their sheep are doing fine. Aren't you glad you don't look like one of these 'weak fireplace users'?"
"I think I look like a chump, daddy. Also the sheep you paid everything for are probably dead."
"The sheep are fine. I sent someone else to take care of them because you wouldn't, I'm not going to make them suffer because of your disobedience and self-centric idiocy. I found someone to take the young princess a load of firewood and thaw her well. Soda is not a substitute for water. The gentleman with the burns is doing fine. Everyone else might forgive you once they see you start using your fireplace."
"You know what? These burns on my hands feel kind of good. So does sitting by the fire."
"I love you, son."
"You shouldn't, daddy. Look how badly I have wrecked everything."
"Your burns will heal, the only thing you have wrecked is your house. Your pipes cracked and there's melted snow all over your floor. I'll fix it for you tomorrow because I love you."
Based loosely on a true story. Don't be a jerk like me.