Long, difficult marriage with controlling Husband

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Magpie said:
You know what, Kroogz, you have no idea what has been happening to me for the last 47 years. I didn't go into detail, so you were spared that. Your answer is very blunt and angry. Possibly, you have no empathy towards me? Your veiled accusatory tone is very offensive. I got a much better response from a Christian man who said he was with his abusive wife for many years, that she claimed to be a Christian, but she was physically and emotionally abusive to him. He said he finally left her and remarried and has been happy since. He started off by saying he understood my situation. Funny how he understood where I was coming from, but you didn't even try. I don't know, maybe this website isn't for me after all. However, to those who might have cared about my situation, I am doing better now. God brought to my mind, "We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." God knew this scripture would help me to once again understand why this keeps happening in my marriage. If anyone prayed for me, thank you so much.
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I care very much for you and your husband.

Bring him on this thread and show him your OP........If you cannot do that.......Get out of your marriage.

Why put yourself through terror? Walk away.
 
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I am going to suggest something that may be very difficult but I believe it is true.

You are only half-way through your story. You understandably feel the pain of a very difficult situation, it is terrible and incredibly difficult, but it is not the end. It is the second to last chapter.

God put you there for a reason. He knows that reason and we do not. You made a promise before God and absent personal danger you should keep it. Be courageous and trust. Very soon the reason you are going through these difficult times will become clear and God's plan will be revealed. Protect yourself and find comfort where you can. His cross is never easy to carry but it always leads to the same place.
 
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Magpie said:
Hello out there. I've read a lot of the scriptures on how wives are to treat their husbands, but after 47 years of marriage to a very controlling, dismissive, hurtful, and downright mean husband (emotionally, not physically), I am at a loss. I just made major breakthrough no. 50 in my role in our marriage meaning "God has spoken to me, I followed his Word, and God is doing miracles now, in my marriage," as I brush myself off and get up again. I still always end up back at square 1 - we love each other but it's a very toxic relationship. Not too long ago I tried to end it as things never changed; they never let up. I've recently tried one more tactic, I've pretty much stopped asking my Husband to help me with important issues that need his attention around our house because it finally seems easier that way. So, I pick up the slack and do everything I can do without "bothering" my Husband much and then things do go much better for both of us, except for the fact that I am literally wearing myself out. I'm almost 70 and he's 73. We both are still capable of taking care of things....wait. I'm going to stop explaining as I'm also physically sick of doing that. I feel a great depression falling upon me. God has spoken to me that He determines when it's time for me to leave this earth. I heard that and thought to myself, "Yes Sir. I hear You. I'm sorry. I won't do it again." But I also just told God that this has literally been 47 years of HELL. Oh, I know enough about hell, and the scriptures on hell, to know this life on earth does not even come one smidgen close to how awful and unending hell really is, but that doesn't lift my spirit to know what I already know. I know there will be some concerned Christians out there who will throw tons of scriptures at me, but without many compassionate words to go with all those scriptures, you just come off as COLD HEARTED. I can affirm one thing from God's Word - DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED. NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO JUST BECAME A CHRISTIAN SO THEY CAN MARRY YOU. NEVER BELIEVE THAT LIE AND HEAD TOWARDS THE MARRIAGE ALTER! Anyway, I look forward to when I'm set free from this earth, from this very difficult life. I've told God so. That I'm fine with going Home sooner rather than later and I meant it. Anyway, thank you for listening. I'm sure tomorrow I will have my head up, with a smile on my face, a prayer in my heart, ready to face another day with my Husband on this earth once again.
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I can recognize the situation that you are in. A few years before she died, my mother showed me a prescription that her doctor had given her to improve her health. It read "Divorce". My mother declined to use it though and endured over 50 years of a somewhat similar to what you described marriage.
 
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Hi Magpie, glad the Lord led you here, welcome to the fellowship at CC! Can I just throw one or two scruiptures at you😊 'What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder' Mk 10:9. Since you've made it thus far I would be praying that the Holy Spirit softens his heart and show both of you what you could change.
'...... pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayers of a righteous person is powerful and effective' Jms 5:16.
God bless your family and your endeavors🙏🙌
 
faithlife said:
Hi Magpie, glad the Lord led you here, welcome to the fellowship at CC! Can I just throw one or two scruiptures at you😊 'What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder' Mk 10:9. Since you've made it thus far I would be praying that the Holy Spirit softens his heart and show both of you what you could change.
'...... pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayers of a righteous person is powerful and effective' Jms 5:16.
God bless your family and your endeavors🙏🙌
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faithlife, I know you mean well by quoting Mk 10:9 but advising or implying someone to stay in an abusive marriage is neither wise nor right.
There is no place for abuse of any kind, in a marriage and a woman is under no obligation to continue in it either in terms of submission or obedience to her husband.
 
Aussie52 said:
faithlife, I know you mean well by quoting Mk 10:9 but advising or implying someone to stay in an abusive marriage is neither wise nor right.
There is no place for abuse of any kind, in a marriage and a woman is under no obligation to continue in it either in terms of submission or obedience to her husband.
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In general I totally agree esp if there's physical abuse going on. In this case, they've been married 47 yrs, that's remarkable in itself, so I'm thinking her best route is to claim the promise I quoted for a good mariage and have faith God will intervene. That's where faith comes in 'calling things that are not as though they are' then tossing it over to the Lord. I hear what you're saying though too👍
 
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Romans 8:28
New International Version
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
 
James 1:2-4
New International Version
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
 
Magpie said:
Hello out there. I've read a lot of the scriptures on how wives are to treat their husbands, but after 47 years of marriage to a very controlling, dismissive, hurtful, and downright mean husband (emotionally, not physically), I am at a loss. I just made major breakthrough no. 50 in my role in our marriage meaning "God has spoken to me, I followed his Word, and God is doing miracles now, in my marriage," as I brush myself off and get up again. I still always end up back at square 1 - we love each other but it's a very toxic relationship. Not too long ago I tried to end it as things never changed; they never let up. I've recently tried one more tactic, I've pretty much stopped asking my Husband to help me with important issues that need his attention around our house because it finally seems easier that way. So, I pick up the slack and do everything I can do without "bothering" my Husband much and then things do go much better for both of us, except for the fact that I am literally wearing myself out. I'm almost 70 and he's 73. We both are still capable of taking care of things....wait. I'm going to stop explaining as I'm also physically sick of doing that. I feel a great depression falling upon me. God has spoken to me that He determines when it's time for me to leave this earth. I heard that and thought to myself, "Yes Sir. I hear You. I'm sorry. I won't do it again." But I also just told God that this has literally been 47 years of HELL. Oh, I know enough about hell, and the scriptures on hell, to know this life on earth does not even come one smidgen close to how awful and unending hell really is, but that doesn't lift my spirit to know what I already know. I know there will be some concerned Christians out there who will throw tons of scriptures at me, but without many compassionate words to go with all those scriptures, you just come off as COLD HEARTED. I can affirm one thing from God's Word - DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED. NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO JUST BECAME A CHRISTIAN SO THEY CAN MARRY YOU. NEVER BELIEVE THAT LIE AND HEAD TOWARDS THE MARRIAGE ALTER! Anyway, I look forward to when I'm set free from this earth, from this very difficult life. I've told God so. That I'm fine with going Home sooner rather than later and I meant it. Anyway, thank you for listening. I'm sure tomorrow I will have my head up, with a smile on my face, a prayer in my heart, ready to face another day with my Husband on this earth once again.
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Im sorry about this.
I pray that your marriage will be restored and until then you can find peace. Taking on the burden of everything yourself is very draining I know.
And it sucks when in order to fix a marriage you have to be the husband and wife and almost do mental gymnastics in order to be grateful for the things he does do for you. It is very bittersweet.
I am hioing this place can be a refuge for you so you can have the emotional and spiritual support you need.
 
Thank you for having the courage to share such a deeply personal and painful part of your life. As I read your words, what stood out to me most was the tremendous burden you have carried for so many years. Forty seven years is a very long time to live under constant emotional strain.


I also appreciate your honesty about your faith. God is not afraid of our honest prayers or of us bringing our weariness and pain to Him. Many people in Scripture cried out to God from the depths of their anguish.


I was especially moved by what you wrote about getting up again tomorrow, praying and facing another day, even though you are so exhausted. That speaks of remarkable perseverance, even when your strength feels almost gone.


I hope you won't have to carry all of this alone. You, too, need people who will listen to you with compassion and take your experiences seriously. Your well-being matters.


I pray that God will give you peace, wisdom and caring people to walk alongside you. People who will meet you with love, kindness and genuine compassion.
 
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