K
Kels
Guest
So I've been a member of CC for about 9 months now and I figure it's about time I share my story lol. It all started in a small town called Smallville. As a baby, I crash landed in a spaceship and was discovered by an older, Caucasian couple by the names of Jonathan and Martha Kent...
Haha obviously I'm joking (I was actually bitten by a radioactive spider- duh). Although, laughter is probably the reason I am not literally insane right now. I was born in Ipswich, UK when my father was in the Air Force. I would like to say I had a fairly normal middle class childhood, which outwardly I did. But from a young age I was plagued by nightmares and spiritual attacks. Growing up in a family with prominent southern roots which can be traced back to the days of American slavery, mine is a family of money and secrets. (Unfortunately for me, I inherited the secrets side more than the money side. Indeed, I just last year discovered I alone- out of 4 siblings- have a different biological father than the one I spent my entire life believing to be). A vivid dream that has always stuck with me is one I had when I was about 5, in which myself and all my stuffed animals were on an airplane which was speeding towards the ground, trailing smoke. Only years later did the Lord reveal it's symbolic meaning as the death of my childhood. Even to this day, I know there is more to my "story" than what my parents are revealing (don't get me wrong, they're great parents; they just protect me in the way they feel is best).
Anywaayyy, not long after I was born, we returned to the States. By the time I was about 9 years old I was regularly masturbating and by 13, smoking cigarettes and marijuana, watching pornography, and experimenting sexually. I began stealing, selling drugs, fighting, staying out all hours of the night, arguing with my parents, running away from home, all that good stuff teenagers do. I was also a self-professed atheist and since my family was only Christian "by birth" (whatever THAT means
), it was pretty much "if it makes you happy, it's okay with us."
When I was 16, I had a wake up call that would change my life forever. I attacked a completely innocent person in a mall parking lot for absolutely no reason. I was literally growling like a mad man as I choked the life out of this person. Had anyone who knew me seen me that night, they would say I was another person. This is an important lesson I learned about sin: one can never really grasp how far gone they are; I would have never thought I was capable of such a violent, demonic act towards another human being. There was such a rage and a hatred and an inclination towards self-destruction in my heart, even now I shiver at the blackness in my soul. Was I possessed? I would say no but definitely STRONGLY influenced and headed down that road. By the grace of God, this person did not die and I was charged with crimes that had me facing a life sentence in prison. Needless to say, that was the lowest point in my life. I was so, so so so so ashamed and full of guilt for what I had done. Words cannot even express how vile I considered myself. I began to berate myself harshly, calling myself names- a dog, a worm, a loser, a nothing. Trash, s%!t, a monster- fueling my own self-contempt. I contemplated suicide several times. For days, I would just cry- I spent so much of my youth trying to be a man but I was nothing but a child. In a culture of 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and the rest of these reality shows, we must remember that teenagers are NOT adults. As mature as they try to act, as much responsibility as they claim to be able to take on, they are still children- immature, vulnerable, susceptible to deception, lacking in judgement, in need of guidance.
I was broken. So when those little old ladies came to the juvenile detention center with their bibles and their walkers, extending hope, peace, and salvation in the form of Jesus Christ, my my I grabbed on with everything that was within me! Another profound dream I had soon after was one in which the Lord appeared to me as a bright light. I was crying, "Please! Please!" The light flashed brighter and I was consumed, screaming this inhuman scream which only confirms how deeply I was entangled in darkness. It was as if something evil was snatched from off of me. I began to thank God and worship Him. I believe this is the event that truly delivered me. When I awoke, let me tell you I was light as a feather. I was brand new! What joy, what satisfaction, what belonging! Whoop whoop! Lol
By the grace of God, I did serve some time but it certainly was not the rest of my life. I'm 24 now and I have been out almost a year so you do the math!
My walk with God through my incarceration is a whole other story I won't even get into. But I know that- like Joseph- while the things I endured were meant to me for evil, God used them for good, that many lives would be positively affected for His purposes. I'm currently responding to God's call to enter the ministry, working with my church to reach out in the community and touch lives in a real, practical way. I'm also working with this crazy ole' family of mine. This pro gay rights, pro abortion, pro if it feels good do it family of mine. God is able. I for one do not despise the day of small beginnings because I have personally experienced the miraculous, amazing things God can and will do for His children.
So when I hear that cry for help, and I loosen my tie and pull open my dress shirt, revealing that crimson S emblazoned across my beefy chest...uhhh. Eh.
Haha obviously I'm joking (I was actually bitten by a radioactive spider- duh). Although, laughter is probably the reason I am not literally insane right now. I was born in Ipswich, UK when my father was in the Air Force. I would like to say I had a fairly normal middle class childhood, which outwardly I did. But from a young age I was plagued by nightmares and spiritual attacks. Growing up in a family with prominent southern roots which can be traced back to the days of American slavery, mine is a family of money and secrets. (Unfortunately for me, I inherited the secrets side more than the money side. Indeed, I just last year discovered I alone- out of 4 siblings- have a different biological father than the one I spent my entire life believing to be). A vivid dream that has always stuck with me is one I had when I was about 5, in which myself and all my stuffed animals were on an airplane which was speeding towards the ground, trailing smoke. Only years later did the Lord reveal it's symbolic meaning as the death of my childhood. Even to this day, I know there is more to my "story" than what my parents are revealing (don't get me wrong, they're great parents; they just protect me in the way they feel is best).
Anywaayyy, not long after I was born, we returned to the States. By the time I was about 9 years old I was regularly masturbating and by 13, smoking cigarettes and marijuana, watching pornography, and experimenting sexually. I began stealing, selling drugs, fighting, staying out all hours of the night, arguing with my parents, running away from home, all that good stuff teenagers do. I was also a self-professed atheist and since my family was only Christian "by birth" (whatever THAT means
), it was pretty much "if it makes you happy, it's okay with us."When I was 16, I had a wake up call that would change my life forever. I attacked a completely innocent person in a mall parking lot for absolutely no reason. I was literally growling like a mad man as I choked the life out of this person. Had anyone who knew me seen me that night, they would say I was another person. This is an important lesson I learned about sin: one can never really grasp how far gone they are; I would have never thought I was capable of such a violent, demonic act towards another human being. There was such a rage and a hatred and an inclination towards self-destruction in my heart, even now I shiver at the blackness in my soul. Was I possessed? I would say no but definitely STRONGLY influenced and headed down that road. By the grace of God, this person did not die and I was charged with crimes that had me facing a life sentence in prison. Needless to say, that was the lowest point in my life. I was so, so so so so ashamed and full of guilt for what I had done. Words cannot even express how vile I considered myself. I began to berate myself harshly, calling myself names- a dog, a worm, a loser, a nothing. Trash, s%!t, a monster- fueling my own self-contempt. I contemplated suicide several times. For days, I would just cry- I spent so much of my youth trying to be a man but I was nothing but a child. In a culture of 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and the rest of these reality shows, we must remember that teenagers are NOT adults. As mature as they try to act, as much responsibility as they claim to be able to take on, they are still children- immature, vulnerable, susceptible to deception, lacking in judgement, in need of guidance.
I was broken. So when those little old ladies came to the juvenile detention center with their bibles and their walkers, extending hope, peace, and salvation in the form of Jesus Christ, my my I grabbed on with everything that was within me! Another profound dream I had soon after was one in which the Lord appeared to me as a bright light. I was crying, "Please! Please!" The light flashed brighter and I was consumed, screaming this inhuman scream which only confirms how deeply I was entangled in darkness. It was as if something evil was snatched from off of me. I began to thank God and worship Him. I believe this is the event that truly delivered me. When I awoke, let me tell you I was light as a feather. I was brand new! What joy, what satisfaction, what belonging! Whoop whoop! Lol
By the grace of God, I did serve some time but it certainly was not the rest of my life. I'm 24 now and I have been out almost a year so you do the math! My walk with God through my incarceration is a whole other story I won't even get into. But I know that- like Joseph- while the things I endured were meant to me for evil, God used them for good, that many lives would be positively affected for His purposes. I'm currently responding to God's call to enter the ministry, working with my church to reach out in the community and touch lives in a real, practical way. I'm also working with this crazy ole' family of mine. This pro gay rights, pro abortion, pro if it feels good do it family of mine. God is able. I for one do not despise the day of small beginnings because I have personally experienced the miraculous, amazing things God can and will do for His children.
So when I hear that cry for help, and I loosen my tie and pull open my dress shirt, revealing that crimson S emblazoned across my beefy chest...uhhh. Eh.
Thank you and may God bless you as well!