M
Its quite difficult for me to mention this because its very personal and about someone who is very special to me. And also while 80-90 % of childhood and relationship with,my mum has been a healthy Christian relationship that 10% left a real gaping hole a hole of pain and feeling neglected still to this day God is healing me deeply. Frankly sometimes ive shoved it out of the way (the pain) and said to myself 'this is childish and selfish' because but God wants to heal us hes the best hes better than what my mum could ever be and the best Dad he fills the gap of a mother wound- my mum is an amazing woman im not going to disrespect God or my family by saying i came from a bad family upbringing im not using this moment to falsely complain about her nor accuse her . My mum has been mentally ill my whole life and that meant a burden a real burden for me to be strong myself and to somehow let her illness affect but actually im not bulletproof we neither are you your heart your soul is gonna feel pain, heartache. We shouldnt fight the fact we are going to feel pain , grief and loss.For me the neglect made me feel rejected and unworthy the hole of what my mother tried to be but couldnt. So i can remember having fantasies of woman (mental pictures) looking after me imagining i was sick or dreams of woman hugging me . you see this may sound strange to you and id like to add it was never the father id picture i always wanted that mother the perfect mother. Or in real life not just in fantasy or dreams it was always older woman who i thought would fill that gap id think about them constantly and theyd become my life which is not healthy to make someone your idol .God should have that place in our hearts he is all . One day angrily questioning God because the pain was to much to bear 'why did you give me this mother?' He lead to a verse in the Old Testament 'From everlasting to everlasting I have loved you- im not sure but i think in this pasage it goes on to say 'with loving kindness i have drawn you??. Yeh dont quote me on that you can look it up. God is truelly All, this person the being of Love is only and always and ever enough. He 'll be the best Dad and Mum we could ever hope for. God is the one we adore hes perfect. Many of you im sure have gaping holes that spot that place thats crying for your Dad or Mum - the pain they caused you. My journey of healing from my mother wound isnt over yet. Im still seeking him for healing praying too. So I know how you feel. Dont die with a broken heart Father God will wrap his arms and around and as you confess and tell him all your pain step by step he'll heal you of it . God wants us ready for heaven. Please let God - Father heal you- dont say its too much to pray/talk to God and trusted Christians about . 'I dont know where to start' i started somewhere and God is healing me I have a loving wonderful faithful God. Im believing youll do the same please dont stay the same come to God he will accept you just as you are. Hell is not worth it. That place has the most lonely bitter brokenhearted ppl like we cant imagine. This is why im telling you the truth we all need God to continually heal our hearts . Dont stay the same choose life. Im on a journey but dont give up, begin the healing between you and your Father God. xo Missy.