D
DavidFord
Guest
Hi Peeps
Ive noticed here on a few different topics, on suffering. Im hoping I can explain a little bit of my own story briefly, to help others. I know Im not a great writer, so bear with me.
How many of you have seen that small shy child, hiding behind Mom or Dad? You know the type, that take a few minutes before they open up? I was that type LOL. In fact, one of my nicknames was "smilie" I was always smiling once I was relaxed with strangers. I look back at my childhood, and I see how I was every parents dream. BIG brown eyes. Dimples. Always smiling and polite. Tons of manners. Loved people like crazy. I was told and remember, I was the type of child a parent could only wish for. For this story-like, thing, I will also change some names, since I have forgiven those mentioned.
--------------------------------------------------------
My Dad built our house in a small town. 3 floors,swimming pool, jacuzzi. The works. He was a Master plumber, and worked REAL hard for what we had. But everything wasnt so perfect. When I was 4, my Mother left my Dad. When I woke up one morning, she was gone. Now here is the woman who was my BEST friend. We did everything, and I mean everything together. And now, she wasnt there when I woke up. Instead, was my Grandmother. Yes, I loved seeing her LOL, dont get me wrong. But yes, I had to ask where my Mom was. I cant actually remember the exact words, but It was always a made up line.
Every hour was spent looking out the window. Days on end, I did this. No phone call, nothing. By the time my Dad got home from work, I was already in bed. But this went on for 2 weeks. Constant crying on the kitchen floor, not knowing where my best friend went. She had eventually pulled up after 2 weeks, and I was all excited LOL. I finally had her. I thought we could go in the backyard and play on the swing set. But, this didnt happen. Instead, she went to her room, to collect some clothes.
This was a major kick. I will NEVER forget that day (In fact I remember when I was a baby in the crib, but cant remember yesterday LOL. Still forget the trash
) She had packed up her suitcase, and I kept asking where she was going. Over and over. And I remember my Grandmother, grabbing her wrist saying, "Carol Ann,you cant just walk out , and NOT talk to him" So she did stop, and explained that her and Daddy wernt getting along scene. Didnt get it, but what 4 year old does?
She proceeded to the door, with me WAILING. Im talking decibels LOL. I was flipping out. She had gotten into the car, only to drive away. I remember just loosing it and starting chasing the car. Dont ask why, I dont know LOL. But I have never seen an ol' woman run. My grandmother scooped me, from our busy main road. I ran right in the line of traffic. Talk about your nut kid But yes, I lost it uncontrollably. I remember the closeness I had with her.
----------------------------------------
Somethings have to come to an end. And my Grandmothers time was up. She needed to go back to her home. So my Dad had to hire a maid or something. THIS people, is the move that altered my life. My Dad had hired "Becky." In the beginning she was cool. Really awesome to us. I had an older brother Matt, and younger brother "Jeff" We thought Becky was just the greatest. But I still missed my Mother. Becky wasnt the replacement. No grown up, no matter how great, is a replacement to a 4-5 year old. Especially a Mother. Well, eventually over a year, Becky and my Dad, got together. And yes, they got married. My Grandfather, who is now my Dads, ex-father in law, had pleaded several times, to not have this woman around his Grandkids. He argues several times over this. But it was too late. And they also had a new baby on the way.
---------------------------------------
Just before my new little brother was born, Becky had brought us 3 little ones into the hallway. It went something like this:
Becky: Are you guys excited a new baby is coming?"
All 3: Ya
Becky: Well, you do know, that you 3 have to start calling me Mom now, right?
Me: Why?
Becky: Well you dont want the baby to call me Becky do you? It will be very confusing.
Me: But I have a Mom
Becky: DAVID, JUST DO IT!!!!! (this was the first time she ever raised her voice to us)
Over several weeks, it took some practice. A few slaps here and there, but I finally got it. I have to give it too Becky, she didnt turn evil on us over night. This took a little time. Problem here, is she just got 3 young kids who dont understand, and a new baby. BAD mix. But at this same time, my real Mom was able to pick us 3 up on Fridays, for the weekends. So there may of been a possibility of things working out. Ahhhhh prob not.
Becky, used to get upset us 3 would talk about our Mom, and when we ran to see her, would get jealous. But let me explain Becky. She was from a broken family, who were major alcoholics, and would abuse her. To make things worse, she joined a notorious biker gang. And let me tell ya, this woman was strong. Even adults feared her. Including my Mother. To have her near little kids was just ASKING for trouble. This is what my Grandfather was warning my Dad about. My Grandfather was a cop for a tunnel, and had her background checked. I wish I knew that as a kid.
---------------------------------------------------------------
* Im not going to get in full detail or ALL the stories. Im getting tired typing, and this is a Christian site.
Over time, Becky just had a short fuse, and nothing made her happy. In fact, hitting was more violent, and she used certain tactics, to inflict pain. When I was younger, my Mother used to blast the huge radio to clean the house. Nothing like "Chicago" on volume 10 LOL. I loved it!! Hence the reason I play guitar. Doing this did come at a cost. My hearing. In this pre-school like program, a teacher had noticed I was hearing her. They had it checked out to find out my ear drums were blown. After some surgery and healing I had some hearing come back. But Becky changed this. She used to open hand slap my ears. She had caused my ears to bleed several times. And she knew it.
I dont think it was so much the pain she used. It was more the words. I have never heard a more evil mouth come off something satanic, never mind a human. Everytime this woman spoke, my self-esteem was lowered worse and worse. I started to get an attitude. And a bad one. Could not understand how I could make this woman happy. Nothing ever did.
Now because of my loosing my temper, I now started sucking my thumb, and wetting the bed. It was almost nightly, my brother Jeff and I wet the bed. Couldnt figure for the life of us why, we were doing this. But I will tell ya, Becky did NOT approve of this. And she was going to see to it, that we knew it. Beatings were excessive. Name calling started. And Im talking nasty grown up type. We were woken up in the morning for school, being choked by our bed sheets. Faces were punched in, (even with that dumb ring) Hair pulled and kicked us to the floor to a Bolivian end. We got our butts wooped as if we were adults, by a biker chick. And she would be WAILING SCREAMING!!Never turned out nice. It could almost look like an episode of Cops. Beyond words.
So we did what most kids do when they are in fear. We started to hide the wet sheets. I really wish we thought that out better. The beating were 2X worse now. it got so bad, that one day, she made me go to school in diapers. Second grade, Mrs Boncore. Will never forget the day. I sat ALL day without moving once. I mean, after all, a plastic diaper makes noise. Didnt want the other kids hearing it. I was humiliated in front of ALL the kids. Worse day. I didnt even go out to play. I just sat in class. Then at one point, dont know why or how, but I got called out of class, an hour before the day was over. It was Becky. The only time I had EVER heard her be sincere. Or at least its sounded it. My Dad could of threatened her. She said in the nicest voice ever "David, I am soooo sorry" "I forgot to tell you to take it off before you left" "It was only to scare you"
Now I dont know if she meant it or what. But the damage was done. Even if I got an ice-cream. Didnt know what to make of it. As we grew a little, Becky never got better. Beating were worse. Names got dirtier. My Dad worked so much, he never knew. And when he did, words got twisted to were us 2 kids were liars. My older brother kinda got along with Becky. At this point, he had given up on our real Mother. Made Becky his new Mom. Jeff and though, new better, and would avoid Becky at ALL costs. She went upstairs, we went down stairs. She went in the backyard, we went inside. It was really an hourly ordeal. To live in fear hour by hour.
---------------------------------------------------
Most of the childhood was doing EVERY chore, having no friends, and living scared. That was it. At this point I needed something. My Dad used to make us go to church every Sunday. So Ive thought, it was time to ask for help. I quietly at first started praying to God. It was lame at first LOL.
"Hi God, its me David""Can you hear me?""Im scared, and I dont know what to do"
I mean, here I am now, this little 8 year old, just decided to talk to God. After some practice, I almost started having actual conversations to God. I would be doing laundry, and spark up a conversation with the Lord.
"Hey God, its me again, do you remember last week, when,,,,," what ever I would talk about. LOL
"God I hate to bother you, I know your busy but,,,,"
This was the start of my faith. And I always felt good. Of course I would have major several times, I would be in tears asking him for help. Didnt care what, but I needed it. I always thought Becky hated us for existing. Whole family (except my Dad cause of work) would go on vacations and trips, and Jeff and I would be left behind to do chores. So much has happened, we had no purpose anymore.Also at this point I now had a sister. There is 5 of us. And Jeff and I started to LOOSE IT. Even though God was in my life, we couldnt take it anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ive noticed here on a few different topics, on suffering. Im hoping I can explain a little bit of my own story briefly, to help others. I know Im not a great writer, so bear with me.
How many of you have seen that small shy child, hiding behind Mom or Dad? You know the type, that take a few minutes before they open up? I was that type LOL. In fact, one of my nicknames was "smilie" I was always smiling once I was relaxed with strangers. I look back at my childhood, and I see how I was every parents dream. BIG brown eyes. Dimples. Always smiling and polite. Tons of manners. Loved people like crazy. I was told and remember, I was the type of child a parent could only wish for. For this story-like, thing, I will also change some names, since I have forgiven those mentioned.
--------------------------------------------------------
My Dad built our house in a small town. 3 floors,swimming pool, jacuzzi. The works. He was a Master plumber, and worked REAL hard for what we had. But everything wasnt so perfect. When I was 4, my Mother left my Dad. When I woke up one morning, she was gone. Now here is the woman who was my BEST friend. We did everything, and I mean everything together. And now, she wasnt there when I woke up. Instead, was my Grandmother. Yes, I loved seeing her LOL, dont get me wrong. But yes, I had to ask where my Mom was. I cant actually remember the exact words, but It was always a made up line.
Every hour was spent looking out the window. Days on end, I did this. No phone call, nothing. By the time my Dad got home from work, I was already in bed. But this went on for 2 weeks. Constant crying on the kitchen floor, not knowing where my best friend went. She had eventually pulled up after 2 weeks, and I was all excited LOL. I finally had her. I thought we could go in the backyard and play on the swing set. But, this didnt happen. Instead, she went to her room, to collect some clothes.
This was a major kick. I will NEVER forget that day (In fact I remember when I was a baby in the crib, but cant remember yesterday LOL. Still forget the trash
) She had packed up her suitcase, and I kept asking where she was going. Over and over. And I remember my Grandmother, grabbing her wrist saying, "Carol Ann,you cant just walk out , and NOT talk to him" So she did stop, and explained that her and Daddy wernt getting along scene. Didnt get it, but what 4 year old does?She proceeded to the door, with me WAILING. Im talking decibels LOL. I was flipping out. She had gotten into the car, only to drive away. I remember just loosing it and starting chasing the car. Dont ask why, I dont know LOL. But I have never seen an ol' woman run. My grandmother scooped me, from our busy main road. I ran right in the line of traffic. Talk about your nut kid
But yes, I lost it uncontrollably. I remember the closeness I had with her.----------------------------------------
Somethings have to come to an end. And my Grandmothers time was up. She needed to go back to her home. So my Dad had to hire a maid or something. THIS people, is the move that altered my life. My Dad had hired "Becky." In the beginning she was cool. Really awesome to us. I had an older brother Matt, and younger brother "Jeff" We thought Becky was just the greatest. But I still missed my Mother. Becky wasnt the replacement. No grown up, no matter how great, is a replacement to a 4-5 year old. Especially a Mother. Well, eventually over a year, Becky and my Dad, got together. And yes, they got married. My Grandfather, who is now my Dads, ex-father in law, had pleaded several times, to not have this woman around his Grandkids. He argues several times over this. But it was too late. And they also had a new baby on the way.
---------------------------------------
Just before my new little brother was born, Becky had brought us 3 little ones into the hallway. It went something like this:
Becky: Are you guys excited a new baby is coming?"
All 3: Ya
Becky: Well, you do know, that you 3 have to start calling me Mom now, right?
Me: Why?
Becky: Well you dont want the baby to call me Becky do you? It will be very confusing.
Me: But I have a Mom
Becky: DAVID, JUST DO IT!!!!! (this was the first time she ever raised her voice to us)
Over several weeks, it took some practice. A few slaps here and there, but I finally got it. I have to give it too Becky, she didnt turn evil on us over night. This took a little time. Problem here, is she just got 3 young kids who dont understand, and a new baby. BAD mix. But at this same time, my real Mom was able to pick us 3 up on Fridays, for the weekends. So there may of been a possibility of things working out. Ahhhhh prob not.
Becky, used to get upset us 3 would talk about our Mom, and when we ran to see her, would get jealous. But let me explain Becky. She was from a broken family, who were major alcoholics, and would abuse her. To make things worse, she joined a notorious biker gang. And let me tell ya, this woman was strong. Even adults feared her. Including my Mother. To have her near little kids was just ASKING for trouble. This is what my Grandfather was warning my Dad about. My Grandfather was a cop for a tunnel, and had her background checked. I wish I knew that as a kid.
---------------------------------------------------------------
* Im not going to get in full detail or ALL the stories. Im getting tired typing, and this is a Christian site.
Over time, Becky just had a short fuse, and nothing made her happy. In fact, hitting was more violent, and she used certain tactics, to inflict pain. When I was younger, my Mother used to blast the huge radio to clean the house. Nothing like "Chicago" on volume 10 LOL. I loved it!! Hence the reason I play guitar. Doing this did come at a cost. My hearing. In this pre-school like program, a teacher had noticed I was hearing her. They had it checked out to find out my ear drums were blown. After some surgery and healing I had some hearing come back. But Becky changed this. She used to open hand slap my ears. She had caused my ears to bleed several times. And she knew it.
I dont think it was so much the pain she used. It was more the words. I have never heard a more evil mouth come off something satanic, never mind a human. Everytime this woman spoke, my self-esteem was lowered worse and worse. I started to get an attitude. And a bad one. Could not understand how I could make this woman happy. Nothing ever did.
Now because of my loosing my temper, I now started sucking my thumb, and wetting the bed. It was almost nightly, my brother Jeff and I wet the bed. Couldnt figure for the life of us why, we were doing this. But I will tell ya, Becky did NOT approve of this. And she was going to see to it, that we knew it. Beatings were excessive. Name calling started. And Im talking nasty grown up type. We were woken up in the morning for school, being choked by our bed sheets. Faces were punched in, (even with that dumb ring) Hair pulled and kicked us to the floor to a Bolivian end. We got our butts wooped as if we were adults, by a biker chick. And she would be WAILING SCREAMING!!Never turned out nice. It could almost look like an episode of Cops. Beyond words.
So we did what most kids do when they are in fear. We started to hide the wet sheets. I really wish we thought that out better. The beating were 2X worse now. it got so bad, that one day, she made me go to school in diapers. Second grade, Mrs Boncore. Will never forget the day. I sat ALL day without moving once. I mean, after all, a plastic diaper makes noise. Didnt want the other kids hearing it. I was humiliated in front of ALL the kids. Worse day. I didnt even go out to play. I just sat in class. Then at one point, dont know why or how, but I got called out of class, an hour before the day was over. It was Becky. The only time I had EVER heard her be sincere. Or at least its sounded it. My Dad could of threatened her. She said in the nicest voice ever "David, I am soooo sorry" "I forgot to tell you to take it off before you left" "It was only to scare you"
Now I dont know if she meant it or what. But the damage was done. Even if I got an ice-cream. Didnt know what to make of it. As we grew a little, Becky never got better. Beating were worse. Names got dirtier. My Dad worked so much, he never knew. And when he did, words got twisted to were us 2 kids were liars. My older brother kinda got along with Becky. At this point, he had given up on our real Mother. Made Becky his new Mom. Jeff and though, new better, and would avoid Becky at ALL costs. She went upstairs, we went down stairs. She went in the backyard, we went inside. It was really an hourly ordeal. To live in fear hour by hour.
---------------------------------------------------
Most of the childhood was doing EVERY chore, having no friends, and living scared. That was it. At this point I needed something. My Dad used to make us go to church every Sunday. So Ive thought, it was time to ask for help. I quietly at first started praying to God. It was lame at first LOL.
"Hi God, its me David""Can you hear me?""Im scared, and I dont know what to do"
I mean, here I am now, this little 8 year old, just decided to talk to God. After some practice, I almost started having actual conversations to God. I would be doing laundry, and spark up a conversation with the Lord.
"Hey God, its me again, do you remember last week, when,,,,," what ever I would talk about. LOL
"God I hate to bother you, I know your busy but,,,,"
This was the start of my faith. And I always felt good. Of course I would have major several times, I would be in tears asking him for help. Didnt care what, but I needed it. I always thought Becky hated us for existing. Whole family (except my Dad cause of work) would go on vacations and trips, and Jeff and I would be left behind to do chores. So much has happened, we had no purpose anymore.Also at this point I now had a sister. There is 5 of us. And Jeff and I started to LOOSE IT. Even though God was in my life, we couldnt take it anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
