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4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1.Cor. 13:4-7)
What happens in the marriage when the "worse" strikes?
I know a couple that has been through "worse". They married quite young and after some years, the wife got the same diagnosis as I. A Muscular Dystrophy called Limb Girdle. Despite her MD, they tried to get a child, but didn't succeed. They then decided to adopt, but was refused. She fought the case through the courtsystem, and won. And rightfully so. You could never find a more stable and loving and Christ centred home than theirs. I can only imagine how tough their struggle was. How unjust it has to have been felt. How it is to be judged by one criteria that overshaddows everything. I know how the latter feels. I have been there more than once.
For me their life, their struggles and their love examplifies this scritpture. Love is patient and it gives hope. Living in that and trusting in it, they overcame the crisis. The boy they adopted is now an adult, and they are still happily married. She needs care and assistance 24/7, but is still at work as well as he.
I have another friend, also with the same diagnosis. She and her boyfriend were a beautiful couple. But they didn't have the Christian foundation and love. She was already quite ill when they met, but the in-love blindness didn't perservere and it didn't last the "worse".
For my own marriage, getting my dagnosis was a big blow to an already struggling marriage. And I can go through the whole list in this quoted Bible verse, to prove it was not love. My husband was not patient with me. He couldn't live with me getting worse, althuogh he boasted about how he fixed the entry to house to make it accessible, he yelled at me if stumble and fell by accident and could refuse to help me up. He wasn't kind, either. He cussed and called me names of the worst kind. Envy was a part of the marriage, as we were both musicians that had to elbow our way in auditions and competitons with other musicians. And we were both proud and could boast. He pushed me down, and I complained (or dishonored) him to my friends. And he got very easily angry. Constantly. And I kept record of wrongs. The whole marriage was not based on love. And to make it worse, he envied the attention I got for my disability so that he "thought himself ill" , too. Even trying to compete in this case to get more pity than I did.
A marriage not based on the love described in 1. Cor 13. can never last when "worse" strikes. It will be destructive and when abuse and violence is involved you can question yourself if it is worth fighting for a dysfunctional marriage. Love is not a must for staying married, but it is like a vitamin shot that will prevent problems when crisis hits down the road.
If you are in a dysfunctional marriage, do you then have the right to divorce when the crisis strikes? Not according to the Bible. I do not regret that I moved out from him and asked for a seperation, though. I had to protect myself and my son from his anger and violence. And it was he that asked for the final divorce when he wanted to marry the woman that he had made pregnant. I still felt married, and despite the pain of being in the marriage, I
still had a hope that he would be saved and stop drinking. He chose differently and I had to accept that. It took me years, though.
Our marriage could never have lasted when facing "worse" because it was not based on love that was patient and kind and gave hope. I pray I will once experience the love described in this verse. But upon reflection, I see I already have. I have it in Christ. The love I have found in Him is patient and kind. And by His mercy He doesn't keep record of wrongs. And in Him I have hope and can rejoice in the truth.
What happens in the marriage when the "worse" strikes?
I know a couple that has been through "worse". They married quite young and after some years, the wife got the same diagnosis as I. A Muscular Dystrophy called Limb Girdle. Despite her MD, they tried to get a child, but didn't succeed. They then decided to adopt, but was refused. She fought the case through the courtsystem, and won. And rightfully so. You could never find a more stable and loving and Christ centred home than theirs. I can only imagine how tough their struggle was. How unjust it has to have been felt. How it is to be judged by one criteria that overshaddows everything. I know how the latter feels. I have been there more than once.
For me their life, their struggles and their love examplifies this scritpture. Love is patient and it gives hope. Living in that and trusting in it, they overcame the crisis. The boy they adopted is now an adult, and they are still happily married. She needs care and assistance 24/7, but is still at work as well as he.
I have another friend, also with the same diagnosis. She and her boyfriend were a beautiful couple. But they didn't have the Christian foundation and love. She was already quite ill when they met, but the in-love blindness didn't perservere and it didn't last the "worse".
For my own marriage, getting my dagnosis was a big blow to an already struggling marriage. And I can go through the whole list in this quoted Bible verse, to prove it was not love. My husband was not patient with me. He couldn't live with me getting worse, althuogh he boasted about how he fixed the entry to house to make it accessible, he yelled at me if stumble and fell by accident and could refuse to help me up. He wasn't kind, either. He cussed and called me names of the worst kind. Envy was a part of the marriage, as we were both musicians that had to elbow our way in auditions and competitons with other musicians. And we were both proud and could boast. He pushed me down, and I complained (or dishonored) him to my friends. And he got very easily angry. Constantly. And I kept record of wrongs. The whole marriage was not based on love. And to make it worse, he envied the attention I got for my disability so that he "thought himself ill" , too. Even trying to compete in this case to get more pity than I did.
A marriage not based on the love described in 1. Cor 13. can never last when "worse" strikes. It will be destructive and when abuse and violence is involved you can question yourself if it is worth fighting for a dysfunctional marriage. Love is not a must for staying married, but it is like a vitamin shot that will prevent problems when crisis hits down the road.
If you are in a dysfunctional marriage, do you then have the right to divorce when the crisis strikes? Not according to the Bible. I do not regret that I moved out from him and asked for a seperation, though. I had to protect myself and my son from his anger and violence. And it was he that asked for the final divorce when he wanted to marry the woman that he had made pregnant. I still felt married, and despite the pain of being in the marriage, I
still had a hope that he would be saved and stop drinking. He chose differently and I had to accept that. It took me years, though.
Our marriage could never have lasted when facing "worse" because it was not based on love that was patient and kind and gave hope. I pray I will once experience the love described in this verse. But upon reflection, I see I already have. I have it in Christ. The love I have found in Him is patient and kind. And by His mercy He doesn't keep record of wrongs. And in Him I have hope and can rejoice in the truth.
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