C
Hello.
I'm a 54 year old married woman with 4 children and 8 grandchilldren. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, but we have been together for amost 27. I love my husband very much! We have been seperated twice in our marraige due to infidelity, and personal issues that my husband has regarding his own self image and sexual behavior. (meaning his addiction or obsession to porn, and just sexual outlook.)
My husband & I have grown children and we have granchildren. My husband is my world. I love him and am still very much in love with him. He has hurt me in our marriage e few times emotionally because of his personal sexual issues and the marriage seperations.
My husband was overweight, and was not comfortable with his body so he just had gastric bypass surgery a few months ago. He went from a size 42 waist pants and just bought a new pair of size 32 waist jeans. He looks great! But here's the problem and I don't know what to do. I have been gettng insecure feelings since my husband has had his suregery. I'm sure that's a normal feeling. But I started getting strong feelings a few weeks back that something was just not feeling right. I confronted my husband and he said that our marriage is fine, and that he loves me and is in love with me. But those words were still not comforting to me because I felt as though he were hiding something.
I started checking some of his email accounts that he does not know that I have the password to. Yesterday, I was shocked!!!!!! I found a couple of emails to this man from my husband and from the other man to my husband. They were talking about their penis size, and my husband said that he wanted to "make this happen" and could they hook up sometime, and told this man what time he gets off of work.
My husband works 1-1/2 hours away from home, so he could have a secret life and I would NEVER know about it. When I read this email, I cried, and then got angry, and then cried again. I called my husband at work. I told him what I had found. He said that it was nothing. Just an email. A set up to get this other man to send him pics of his genital so that my husband could see if he was a "normal" sz. I told him that I wasn't stupid! I told him that there are thousands of porn sites that he could have looked at to see that. He said that he wanted to see real men, not porn stars who are endowed. My husband proceeded to tell me that he has a problem with his own size. He said that he feels inadequate when we are intimate. I told my husband that God made him just right for "ME"!!!!!!!. He then started talking to me about when he was a child. How there was sexual abuse between him & his brothers & sisters. How his olders brothers use to always watch porn, and an older brother taking him to strip clubs where he worked when my husband was a young boy and how he saw one of his brothers having sex with his sister. (biological siblings).
My husband swears that there has been no one else. He says that he doesn't want me to end our marriage over an email that was sent over curiousity, and there was no meeting or hook up. He just wanted the other man to send him private pictures of his size genitals, so that could compare himself. He says that he has real issues over this. Maybe this is all a real form of mental issues. I too was sexually abused as a child, and I know that it has messed with my life too.
My husband promised me that he will call a therapist today to seek out help for his personal issues. And he said that we can go to marriage councelling if that is what I think that we need. He said that his life is NOTHING without me and that he is so sorry for hurting his best friend, and that he promises that only death will take him from me. That he will do whatever it takes to prove to me how much he loves me and how much he wants to save our marriage.
I want to believe everything that my husband is telling me because I don't want to believe that he would do this to us. I am asking for your advise, and please pray for healing of our marriage. My husband is truly my best friend. But in all honesty, I don't like to be lied to. And I don't like feeling like I'm a fool. I just want him to be truthful. I want to believe that he wants to save this marriage as much as I do. Actions speak louder than words. Please pray that we can get through this, and the healing can begin.
Thank you so much for letting me share. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
I'm a 54 year old married woman with 4 children and 8 grandchilldren. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, but we have been together for amost 27. I love my husband very much! We have been seperated twice in our marraige due to infidelity, and personal issues that my husband has regarding his own self image and sexual behavior. (meaning his addiction or obsession to porn, and just sexual outlook.)
My husband & I have grown children and we have granchildren. My husband is my world. I love him and am still very much in love with him. He has hurt me in our marriage e few times emotionally because of his personal sexual issues and the marriage seperations.
My husband was overweight, and was not comfortable with his body so he just had gastric bypass surgery a few months ago. He went from a size 42 waist pants and just bought a new pair of size 32 waist jeans. He looks great! But here's the problem and I don't know what to do. I have been gettng insecure feelings since my husband has had his suregery. I'm sure that's a normal feeling. But I started getting strong feelings a few weeks back that something was just not feeling right. I confronted my husband and he said that our marriage is fine, and that he loves me and is in love with me. But those words were still not comforting to me because I felt as though he were hiding something.
I started checking some of his email accounts that he does not know that I have the password to. Yesterday, I was shocked!!!!!! I found a couple of emails to this man from my husband and from the other man to my husband. They were talking about their penis size, and my husband said that he wanted to "make this happen" and could they hook up sometime, and told this man what time he gets off of work.
My husband works 1-1/2 hours away from home, so he could have a secret life and I would NEVER know about it. When I read this email, I cried, and then got angry, and then cried again. I called my husband at work. I told him what I had found. He said that it was nothing. Just an email. A set up to get this other man to send him pics of his genital so that my husband could see if he was a "normal" sz. I told him that I wasn't stupid! I told him that there are thousands of porn sites that he could have looked at to see that. He said that he wanted to see real men, not porn stars who are endowed. My husband proceeded to tell me that he has a problem with his own size. He said that he feels inadequate when we are intimate. I told my husband that God made him just right for "ME"!!!!!!!. He then started talking to me about when he was a child. How there was sexual abuse between him & his brothers & sisters. How his olders brothers use to always watch porn, and an older brother taking him to strip clubs where he worked when my husband was a young boy and how he saw one of his brothers having sex with his sister. (biological siblings).
My husband swears that there has been no one else. He says that he doesn't want me to end our marriage over an email that was sent over curiousity, and there was no meeting or hook up. He just wanted the other man to send him private pictures of his size genitals, so that could compare himself. He says that he has real issues over this. Maybe this is all a real form of mental issues. I too was sexually abused as a child, and I know that it has messed with my life too.
My husband promised me that he will call a therapist today to seek out help for his personal issues. And he said that we can go to marriage councelling if that is what I think that we need. He said that his life is NOTHING without me and that he is so sorry for hurting his best friend, and that he promises that only death will take him from me. That he will do whatever it takes to prove to me how much he loves me and how much he wants to save our marriage.
I want to believe everything that my husband is telling me because I don't want to believe that he would do this to us. I am asking for your advise, and please pray for healing of our marriage. My husband is truly my best friend. But in all honesty, I don't like to be lied to. And I don't like feeling like I'm a fool. I just want him to be truthful. I want to believe that he wants to save this marriage as much as I do. Actions speak louder than words. Please pray that we can get through this, and the healing can begin.
Thank you so much for letting me share. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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