B
Brandon777
Guest
I have a problem. In my quest to become a better man I ran a course that goes something like this. When I was saved I became sensitive to evil, shunning it at a small glimpse. As I got older I met the betrayal of my flesh. My desire grew and I could scarsely control myself. I had never disobeyed God so much. I prayed the same prayer so so many times. Help me God, help me. God left the job up to me. But in my young eyes, He had abandoned me. I began crying out to God in confusion. Years pasted, with glories here and there in different areas, especially wisdom and the helps, but this still haunted me. They told me it was every mans battle, to be easier on myself, but that wasn't me. They told me all kinds of different things. Some things that were so ridiculous I couldn't stand it. And I was embarrased about Christianity. After a time of suffering I grew cold to God, still keeping my Bible close because I still believed God could help me if He wanted to, but for some reason (that wasn't right) He just didn't. Now I have grasped in my soul that I'm not entitled to anything: Love, blessings, anything good. All the good in my life came to me freely from God. He is the One who entitles things for people. He choses which things go to which people. Here I am still. I've mostly given up on trying to be better in that area. There's one more thing. I'm bipolar, so my libito is higher than the average man's. I won't give up, but I won't ever feel right until I am made right. Not because I demand it, but because I need it to please God and feel full.