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M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#1
part 1
I would like to write this well. Because like most peoples' faith journey there are twists and turns. One step forward two steps back. Its ongoing now. I try to keep it real but of course I have my own blind spots and biases.
Short answer? its a cradle catholic revert story. Raised in a big loving catholic family. never rich but wealthy in love. Never missed Mass. Short stint as an altar boy. No rogue priests. No awful catholic teachers. No horror stories. And yet I know many people have bad experiences in childhood with rogue priests. It makes me sad to think some people suffered such trauma.
I had a charmed childhood. Little responsibility. Small town. Allowed to roam the streets and play all day with no fear of adult interference. The image of Jesus on the cross must haver haunted me. But still most kids take anything in their stride and don't let it bother them. Also when I came home from school I had a readymade social life. 6 brothers and my mother took in 4 boarders to supplement Dad's income. Dad was on the railways and had risen to traffic inspector. Still the extra money was needed. One of my brothers went to a special disabled school which required more money. therefore Mum took on the extra work. We had a huge house and so many interesting and unique characters walking in and out. Also next door there were 11 kids. We never had to knock. You never knew who was going to be home when you got there. it was never empty. Plus in the late sixtees my older brother would bring hoime all his high school mates for coffee and listening to new albums . Especially the Beatles. Sgt. Peppers. magical Mystery Tour. I feel prvileged to witness this era of music by the way. Mum never complained about extra people in the house. She was a bloody saint really.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#2
Part 2
I think I felt sorry for non catholics. Because I associated my loving home with Catholicism. And I met so many people who loved my parents and coming to our home. My cousins held my parents and family in high esteem. I think we became like the benchmark for happy families. happy catholic families. I am starting to sound too proud I know. sorry... :)
I talked to God in my own childish way. We had to go to Confession after age 9. Once a week usually. I felt so clean after it! I felt forgiven! I felt loved. Still the real God or gods I worshipped as a child were my older brothers. if they ever praised me I would be in Heaven immediately. But they never did! I felt their put downs severely. I was a sensitive kid. But put downs from other people I didn't really care about. Other people weren't gods. My older brothers were to be worshipped! In fact I think I sought the validation from them all my life. They were like my surrogate parents. My real parents were too nice, and more likely to praise then condemn.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#3
I'm just wondering, why you think you need more faith, when Jesus says we only need a mustard seed sized faith??
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#4
I'm just wondering, why you think you need more faith, when Jesus says we only need a mustard seed sized faith??
good point ladybug. i will visit that gospel verse soon.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#5
Well it seems my faith is not even as big as a mustard seed. More like the head of a pin.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#6
your sharing is very much appreciated - it gives us, the readers a clue of where you are coming from,
another words, your mis-understanding of the Holy Scriptures and God's Will that you were mis-informed
from such a young age and is now influencing you to the point that you are questioning your false up-bringing...
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#8
your sharing is very much appreciated - it gives us, the readers a clue of where you are coming from,
another words, your mis-understanding of the Holy Scriptures and God's Will that you were mis-informed
from such a young age and is now influencing you to the point that you are questioning your false up-bringing...
fortunately not everyone thinks like you
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#9
Part 3
School
I went to Marist Brothers in Elementary School. I had good teachers in an all boys school. I was good at school so school was rarely stressful. I remember in Grade 6 Bra (Brother) Domininic gave us free Q and A time. We could ask questions about sin and hypotheticals. He gave me a free soft drink at the end of the year for asking imaginative ones.
"Bra bra .......what if ..what if you were stranded in the desert, close to death and hadnt been to Confession for a long time? Would you go to Heaven?"
"more faith as long as you made a
sincere act of Contrition....."
In high school i fell in love with rugby. My grades suffered. My social life gradually became enormous for someone pretty introverted. Of course God was completely ignored. Who needs God when you are having fun? But when you are a teenager you ignore most authority figures? I probably never seriously prayed from age 11 to 55? That might be wrong . I did pray when my parents died. That their soul might go to Heaven.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
7,426
3,478
113
#10
It's weird how i have so many things in common with more faithreguired but have come to a totally different place as far as my relationship with the LORD Jesus is concerned..

Australian? Yep
Raised in a large catholic family? Yep 6 sisters and 3 brothers..
Spent time as a altar boy? Yep
Never had any trouble with a priest? Yep
Went to a Marist brothers all boys school? Yep
Bit of an introvert? Yep
sensitive? Yep

But i read the Bible when i was in my early 20's..
Put me on a totally different path..
Thanks be to God.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#11
It's weird how i have so many things in common with more faithreguired but have come to a totally different place as far as my relationship with the LORD Jesus is concerned..

Australian? Yep
Raised in a large catholic family? Yep 6 sisters and 3 brothers..
Spent time as a altar boy? Yep
Never had any trouble with a priest? Yep
Went to a Marist brothers all boys school? Yep
Bit of an introvert? Yep
sensitive? Yep

But i read the Bible when i was in my early 20's..
Put me on a totally different path..
Thanks be to God.
you couldnt fully understand the Bible without help.
people say they read the Bible. but that doesnt mean much to me. you need to live the gospels. not quote them.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#12
part 3 continued
The importance of music
Old traditional organ hymns take me to Heaven.
A cold winters day. Mysterious stain glass windows, maybe the smell of incense. a packed Church and a really competent organist.
The lyrics woven poetically into a sacred tapestry. These hymns have stayed with me all my life:
"Jesus in your heart we find
Love of the Father
And mankind
These two loves
To us impart
Divine Love
in a human heart"
The chord progressions are beautiful. i play some now on guitar.
The depth and breadth of Catholic art is hard to ignore.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
7,426
3,478
113
#13
you couldnt fully understand the Bible without help.
people say they read the Bible. but that doesnt mean much to me. you need to live the gospels. not quote them.
I know the Gospel of Jesus well enough to know that no one can ever live up to the standards of the Gospel..

The standards of the Law and the Gospel are there to show me just how far a fall short of the standards of the Law and the Gospel.. Which then causes me to understand by continuing need for me to rely on the Atonement of Jesus..
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#14
Part 4
Early Career
mostly as a primary school teacher.
I worked in Catholic Schools. And taught Religious Education despite no training. I know a lot more now. In my first year I assisted in the sacrament of Confirmation preparation. I was not a good inspiration for the kids in hindsight. I was a very naive person in my twenties. I was not a classroom manager. Teaching was an onerous chore. I envied those talented coworkers who seemed totally unfazed. I was not suited to teaching. In fact though I wasnt suited to much of anything which required good leadership skills. I needed help.Its too bad I didnt reach out to God at the time. I might have benefited but I didnt. It all led to a mini nervous breakdown.
I think now I needed time out. I needed serious personal reflection time. Mentoring. Counselling. Retreat time. Discernment Time. Psychological help. Because I started developing coping behaviours which were unhealthy. Drinking. Gambling.
I was single my whole twenties. I had a few dates but i was not a good match for anyone much. I was too anxious and introverted.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#15
Part 5 the Buddhist Phase
Influenced by living in Asia.
Buddhism has a seductive quality.
Those meditators look so peaceful. Compared to we stressed out Westerners. It was the cool option and still is maybe.
I can vouch for its psychological benefit.
But after a while I felt a coldness. A superficiality. A self alienation. There was something missing in my life.
and it wasnt coca cola.
 

WingsOfLight

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2019
198
267
63
#16
I just now started reading through some of the Testimonies...... late much??
It sounds like you've had a mix of good and challenging times throughout.
Life changes in so many ways at unpredictable moments. So many unplanned experiences come with planned ones. This I know all too well. We try to build our paths and again, the "not knowing" comes into play.

I don't find it bad that a person doesn't reach out when they should. A person reaches out at the time when they need it the most. We may agree or disagree when the right time is/was, but something inside us opens up at the moment it's necessary. I enjoyed reading your testimony.