L
I kicked my childrens father out the other morning...I actually feel good about it. Don't get me wrong, I miss cuddling and waking up to him...I miss the way my son would call him daddy when we get home or when he wakes up...As I am sure my son misses him as well but it was not a healthy envirornment for him to be in. My son's father was completely disrespectful...he cursed at me and always would scream at me if I asked him something that he did not want to talk about. He told me he didnt love me or wanted to be with me but yet stayed in my apartment. The morning I told him to leave he was doing things to make me react so that he would have an excuse to hit me. I just walked away and went into the closet, grabbed his things and told him to go. He thru everything that I have gone thru back in my face and said not to call him when I have these issues again. I said fine. He also said that I needed to move because he wasnt going to help me pay the rent any more nor was he helping me with our children. So with that being said, I wont be taking a maternity leave because I no longer can afford to take that time off. Thank God my employer is working with me and will allow me to use my vacation time instead of forcing me to take a leave...
I worked Saturdays for extra money but they may cut down on those days so I may be forced to get a second job, while also going to school, while also working full time and taking care of my two young ones as well as my little cousin...I will try not to stress because God has to make a way for me to survive. *Sigh*
I cannot say that I am sad that he is gone because it is actually a relief...He left so I wont have to be worried about him treating me like crap or walking over me as though I am a doormat. I don't have to worry about the disrespect, i wont have to worry about constantly being hurt because the only thing I am facing now is the fact that it is over and not whether or not it is going to work while his actions are constantly hurting me. That is why it is a relief. I am however sad that I now have a financial burden...I am unsure how some of my bills will be paid...and more importantly, my son will be coming home asking for his dad because he is very attached to him. He loves to play the game with him, and just the little things...so that is also going to bother me but I am ok...
It is so weird because the day prior to all of this, I sat in the park and prayed...and I prayed HARD...I prayed for God to give me the strength to do what ever it was that he needed me to do but I also let him know how much I loved this man and how much I really wanted it to work. But he obviously was not for me... When I kicked him out, I cried because he hurt me...I cried when he finally left...I cried thinking about the way he spoke to me that morning...and I cried because I will be raising a new born, plus a 2 year old on my own. I have to admit that I am extremely scared...I don't have much family and should it get that bad, I really don't have any where else to go...But I am just going to pray that God helps me through this and that he makes it so that I can afford to keep my apartment while also being able to pay all of my bills and make sure that my children, including my cousin, are well taken care of. I know there are times that I will go without and that is fine...as long as I can provide for them I will be happy.
I now just need to pray for forgiveness....Forgivng myself for allowing things to take place the way they did...and I also need to forgive him...right now I have no plans on calling him because he wronged me. I have no plans on making arrangements for him to see his children because he walked out on them...I have no plans to deal with him, if ever for that matter nor do I want to be involved with his family. I know that I need to work on that because my children need to know that they have other family besides me and mine...but as it stands right now, I want nothing to do with them.
But I am proud of myself!
I worked Saturdays for extra money but they may cut down on those days so I may be forced to get a second job, while also going to school, while also working full time and taking care of my two young ones as well as my little cousin...I will try not to stress because God has to make a way for me to survive. *Sigh*
I cannot say that I am sad that he is gone because it is actually a relief...He left so I wont have to be worried about him treating me like crap or walking over me as though I am a doormat. I don't have to worry about the disrespect, i wont have to worry about constantly being hurt because the only thing I am facing now is the fact that it is over and not whether or not it is going to work while his actions are constantly hurting me. That is why it is a relief. I am however sad that I now have a financial burden...I am unsure how some of my bills will be paid...and more importantly, my son will be coming home asking for his dad because he is very attached to him. He loves to play the game with him, and just the little things...so that is also going to bother me but I am ok...
It is so weird because the day prior to all of this, I sat in the park and prayed...and I prayed HARD...I prayed for God to give me the strength to do what ever it was that he needed me to do but I also let him know how much I loved this man and how much I really wanted it to work. But he obviously was not for me... When I kicked him out, I cried because he hurt me...I cried when he finally left...I cried thinking about the way he spoke to me that morning...and I cried because I will be raising a new born, plus a 2 year old on my own. I have to admit that I am extremely scared...I don't have much family and should it get that bad, I really don't have any where else to go...But I am just going to pray that God helps me through this and that he makes it so that I can afford to keep my apartment while also being able to pay all of my bills and make sure that my children, including my cousin, are well taken care of. I know there are times that I will go without and that is fine...as long as I can provide for them I will be happy.
I now just need to pray for forgiveness....Forgivng myself for allowing things to take place the way they did...and I also need to forgive him...right now I have no plans on calling him because he wronged me. I have no plans on making arrangements for him to see his children because he walked out on them...I have no plans to deal with him, if ever for that matter nor do I want to be involved with his family. I know that I need to work on that because my children need to know that they have other family besides me and mine...but as it stands right now, I want nothing to do with them.
But I am proud of myself!
