My idea for a Christian Fiction -Open to critisizum- Part2

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M

Missachu

Guest
#1
This is the actual story. If you read the blog previous to this you will better understand the method to my madness and how this story came about. This is largely unedited and has a few notes and ideas floating around.Much of this is unreal. The parts about the guardian angels is true.
Samuael or any other archangel being 'assigned' to these warriors is not meant to imply that it will happen. All of this is supposed to be happening during the Tribulation, meaning after Jesus' second coming. If Jesus/God decides to send down believers back to Earth, I do not know and as far as I know, there is no scripture to back it up or show proof.This is meant to be a story, not a documentary or any other non-fiction. I cannot predict the future. Only Jesus can. Remember to use your imagination. Constructive criticism is both appreciated and encouraged.


The Fight.

A medium sized man walked into my room. It was Jesus.
“Jesus!”I said in surprise, ”What are you doing here?”

Jesus responded , ”I’m taking care of my lambs. You’ve run into some difficulty and I’ve come to watch you.”
All of my men were beaten and bushed. We had been fighting the demons since earlier this year, even the angels among us sat against the wall were slouching in exhaustion.
“That’s not necessary Jesus. We can handle ourselves.” I replied. My voice was always sweet, but when I spoke to Jesus, my voice sounded darling. I felt like a child when I was with him.
Not only me, but the rest of my guys noticed that the demons had stopped coming for us. There was no sense of danger. Our Discernment wasn’t working or perhaps… it wasn’t detecting anything. We had a breakfor the first time that year.
“Thank you Lord.” Those simple words were the only way I could express my gratitude.
“Of course, my child.” Jesus then proceeded to touch my face , he looked into my eyes with such love. “I am always here with you. With all of you.” Such powerful words filled my ears and filled my heart. It was like being drenched in demon blood and rising out of the Jordan. My spirit became anew and I was ready to fight for God again. I can tell that my men were feeling rested and a hint of smiles on their faces. They knew that Jesus was here and there was nothing to fear. Demons dare not touch our Lord the way they attacked us. They were too smart for that.
“You have not been studying.”Jesus spoke softly, yet with command. Like a mother reminding her child to do chores. For a moment I wanted to reply ”I know Lord.” ,but held my tongue before speaking. “Yes, Father.” came out instead.
Jesus was satisfied with my answer.
“We need to study our scripture because it is our true sword. Just like our armor is powered by Faith. I need to remind my men that too, so we will all be prepared for when the archdemons attack.”, I resisted stuttering with much difficulty but pulled it off smoothly. Flawlessly I would say. I knew Jesus would know and see right through me, but I appeared strong for my men. I mentally buried my shame and shattered it. I knew that I would conquer my doubts and we would win. We were still alive, weren’t we?
As Earthlings all of us had doubted if what was said in the Bible was real. Even I doubted, many times, before I became the Commander of Angels. I was appointed first to judge my comrades. I was guaranteed a seat in heaven you could say. That’s how my comrades saw it, although that seemed far from the truth.
Samael, arms crossed, raised his head up from the ground to look at me. James looked up at me from where he sat on the ground as Jesus held me. I tried to judge if they were jealous or not. I judged that they weren’t. James always had a longing envy, but the amber in his heart died inside his heart before it could burn him.
Samael wasn’t one to be jealous of me. He just stood against a wall, leaning like he was cool. What could you expect? Our appointed guardian was the Angel of Death. He was entitled to his proud label; no one challenged him because his revenge was always humiliating. The divine angel was an open spirit, very nice and always brought a face full of smiles. On his darker days Samael was moody and just downright emotional. Once in a while he would wail like a ghost and break down and cry when he was upset. However, when he got over it, he refused to speak to us.
In my past life I had an affinity with that; an unnatural infatuation with a spirit. But as a Saved One I knew that it was a perversion. Man may lay only with a woman and a woman only may lay with a man. Angels had no gender, although that didn’t stop our early ancestors from mating. And I used to think that generations get progressively worse. Bah! Foolish thinking.
Jesus smiled. He knew everything I was thinking. I’m glad that he understood my humor. “Child, your men await your command.” The Holy Ghost filled my heart and swelled it from the inside like a bird shaking its feathers before sleeping. My Lord was nestled in and never leaving.
“Read your scriptures. They will keep you alive. If you fail-“, he didn’t have to finish, I already knew what he was going to say,”-you will die and have your flesh feasted upon.”
Just to explain what Jesus meant, He didn’t mean real flesh as Earthlings have. You see, when you go up into Heaven, we get new bodies. Not skin and organs and all that messy stuff, but flesh as in what you are ‘composed’ of. Even Angels have flesh, although they are made up of spirit. My body was uniquely me. I was a strong girl back on Earth, but nothing could compare to my new body. I can’t even be touched on Earth because no human would be able to fathom it. Human brains are just too weak.
“Jesus we understand this. I promise you we will read our Sacred Text.” I almost asked him to leave, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know why I was being irritated with him. My head shook side to side violently. It was my Discernment kicking in. James had no outward Discernment besides his eyes, that widened into a blank trance that rendered him usless. Morgan gasped dramatically. George grunted after a jolt bolted through him. Sidroy’s feet shuffled the steel crates he sat on. And Tia’s skin shook as she got the chills. The only ones who didn’t react were the ones without discernment, the Angels. (The rest will be posted in other Blogs)
 
Sep 8, 2012
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#2
Good!
You show good use of descriptive terms, and the story moves well.
Keep it up!
 
M

Missachu

Guest
#3
RickShafer;bt4500 said:
Good!
You show good use of descriptive terms, and the story moves well.
Keep it up!
Really, you mean it? :D Huzzah! Thank you Rick for your time and consideration<3