K
kitkat771
Guest
My story is long so I'm going to shorten it and can fill in later if needed.
My parents were drug addicts and alcoholics. My dad got off the drugs in the mid to late 80s. My mom just switched to prescription drugs and they both continue to have an active alcohol problem. I experienced emotional, physical, and sexual abuse as a child.
My grandmother took me in as her own and was a positive person in my life. God also put another incredible woman in my life who passed away when I was 16. I was an angry and bitter child. I felt invisible and less than everyone else. I always felt God's presence even when I wasn't sure I believed. I grew up going to catholic schools and saw the most loving close families. My friends always had family and God day on Sundays and couldn't go out to play. I felt everyone looked down on me because I didn't have parents who loved me. I felt like I was the lowest of the low and was angry at God for making my life pure hell. I heard people talk about our loving God, but I never saw a loving God so I thought he didn't love me.
A lot more happened in my childhood, but that would make for a really long story. One significant event was my suicide attempt at age 14. I took a half a bottle of Theopholin sp? (it was what they used to prescribe for asthma in the 80s and early 90s). I almost died as this medication caused my heart rate to go really fast. I had to get my stomach pumped and was in the hospital for a couple weeks. This was not attention seeking. I really wanted to die as I saw no hope for me.
I had many spiritual experiences, but I doubted all of them. I believe I have the gift of discernment and this gift saved my life. Upon meeting someone I can instantly tell if they are evil or good. In my late teens and 20's I allowed evil in my life because I felt better around them and felt I could change them which would make me feel any better. I allowed myself to be used and abused!
I got pregnant when I was 20 and got married to a man who casually used marijuana and had many affairs. I was in enormous pain and didn't know how to cope. I finally got rid of my husband. I was scared to death..I had no job and no education and no money with 2 babies. I was at Walmart with my babies (6 months old and 1 1/2 years old at the time) and this man approached us out of no where. I felt this amazing peace and indesribable feeling when he arrived He touched the top of each of the girls heads and looked at me said everything is going to be ok and he vanished. I looked all over and couldn't find him. I believe this was an angel. I ended up speaking to a man many years later who can see angels and photographs them...I told him about my experience and he said it was an angel.
As a child i was always told I was smart enough to go to college due to having learning disabilities. I was tempted to go to college as I didn't know how else to support my girls. I went on a job interview at a law firm and they called me back for a 2nd interview. I was told by the employment agency I went through they couldn't decide on me or one other canidate.
I prayed to God that if he wants me to go to college then don't let me get that job. I knew if I got the job I'd never go to school. The phone rang immediately and I didn't get the job. I enrolled in college and throughout my college years I made no money, but checks would appear in the mail or someone would give me a gas gift card etc. I followed God's will and he took care of me and my children. I made $1000 a month and my rent was $750...but with God we survived.
I still didn't fully put my life in God's hands though. I still tried to control things and still had a lot of anger and resentment towards my parents. I graduated college with a bachelors degree in 2007 when I was 30 years old. The girls went to most of my college classes as I couldn't afford a babysitter and didn't have help.
I didn't have 1 single moment where I accepted Jesus. It was steady and slow over the years. Around 2008 or 2009 I fully forgave my parents. God showed me the pain that my parents felt all those years. He showed me that I wasn't worthless and what happened to me wasn't because I was unloved. God showed me my parents had their own demons that had nothing to do with me and that I should love them. Like I said as crazy as it sounds I always talked to God and he always talked to me even when I wasn't fully following him. I've always felt him with me....I just didn't always accept it.
I will explain all my spiritual experiences another time. Today my daughters are 15 and 17. I have totally given my life to God and will never go back. I have been healed from all my pain and forgiven for all my sins. I surround myself with like minded people and I serve God everyday. I make time for him everyday. He doesn't always give me all the information I want when I want it, but I'm still learning patience as it's all in his time not mine. I have peace now. When I start to feel anxious or sad or out of control I ask him to take it and he does. I keep regular contact with my parents, but keep some healthy distance since they are still addicts. My grandmother is 81 and doing well. She lives in a different state, but we talk often too. I've been blessed with two mothers! My daughters are very into their relationship with God and do not get overly involved in what the world does.
My parents were drug addicts and alcoholics. My dad got off the drugs in the mid to late 80s. My mom just switched to prescription drugs and they both continue to have an active alcohol problem. I experienced emotional, physical, and sexual abuse as a child.
My grandmother took me in as her own and was a positive person in my life. God also put another incredible woman in my life who passed away when I was 16. I was an angry and bitter child. I felt invisible and less than everyone else. I always felt God's presence even when I wasn't sure I believed. I grew up going to catholic schools and saw the most loving close families. My friends always had family and God day on Sundays and couldn't go out to play. I felt everyone looked down on me because I didn't have parents who loved me. I felt like I was the lowest of the low and was angry at God for making my life pure hell. I heard people talk about our loving God, but I never saw a loving God so I thought he didn't love me.
A lot more happened in my childhood, but that would make for a really long story. One significant event was my suicide attempt at age 14. I took a half a bottle of Theopholin sp? (it was what they used to prescribe for asthma in the 80s and early 90s). I almost died as this medication caused my heart rate to go really fast. I had to get my stomach pumped and was in the hospital for a couple weeks. This was not attention seeking. I really wanted to die as I saw no hope for me.
I had many spiritual experiences, but I doubted all of them. I believe I have the gift of discernment and this gift saved my life. Upon meeting someone I can instantly tell if they are evil or good. In my late teens and 20's I allowed evil in my life because I felt better around them and felt I could change them which would make me feel any better. I allowed myself to be used and abused!
I got pregnant when I was 20 and got married to a man who casually used marijuana and had many affairs. I was in enormous pain and didn't know how to cope. I finally got rid of my husband. I was scared to death..I had no job and no education and no money with 2 babies. I was at Walmart with my babies (6 months old and 1 1/2 years old at the time) and this man approached us out of no where. I felt this amazing peace and indesribable feeling when he arrived He touched the top of each of the girls heads and looked at me said everything is going to be ok and he vanished. I looked all over and couldn't find him. I believe this was an angel. I ended up speaking to a man many years later who can see angels and photographs them...I told him about my experience and he said it was an angel.
As a child i was always told I was smart enough to go to college due to having learning disabilities. I was tempted to go to college as I didn't know how else to support my girls. I went on a job interview at a law firm and they called me back for a 2nd interview. I was told by the employment agency I went through they couldn't decide on me or one other canidate.
I prayed to God that if he wants me to go to college then don't let me get that job. I knew if I got the job I'd never go to school. The phone rang immediately and I didn't get the job. I enrolled in college and throughout my college years I made no money, but checks would appear in the mail or someone would give me a gas gift card etc. I followed God's will and he took care of me and my children. I made $1000 a month and my rent was $750...but with God we survived.
I still didn't fully put my life in God's hands though. I still tried to control things and still had a lot of anger and resentment towards my parents. I graduated college with a bachelors degree in 2007 when I was 30 years old. The girls went to most of my college classes as I couldn't afford a babysitter and didn't have help.
I didn't have 1 single moment where I accepted Jesus. It was steady and slow over the years. Around 2008 or 2009 I fully forgave my parents. God showed me the pain that my parents felt all those years. He showed me that I wasn't worthless and what happened to me wasn't because I was unloved. God showed me my parents had their own demons that had nothing to do with me and that I should love them. Like I said as crazy as it sounds I always talked to God and he always talked to me even when I wasn't fully following him. I've always felt him with me....I just didn't always accept it.
I will explain all my spiritual experiences another time. Today my daughters are 15 and 17. I have totally given my life to God and will never go back. I have been healed from all my pain and forgiven for all my sins. I surround myself with like minded people and I serve God everyday. I make time for him everyday. He doesn't always give me all the information I want when I want it, but I'm still learning patience as it's all in his time not mine. I have peace now. When I start to feel anxious or sad or out of control I ask him to take it and he does. I keep regular contact with my parents, but keep some healthy distance since they are still addicts. My grandmother is 81 and doing well. She lives in a different state, but we talk often too. I've been blessed with two mothers! My daughters are very into their relationship with God and do not get overly involved in what the world does.