M
mbvu
Guest
I was born out of wedlock to my parents. As soon as my Dad found out my mother was pregnant he left. He couldn't even make it to my birth because he was in jail. My mother struggles with severe depression and it got to the point where she lost custody of me because her mental issues took over. My uncle voluntarily took me in and I am forever grateful for that. He wasn't married or anything so my grandmother moved in to help out. My mother lived with us for three years but she couldn't get along with the other adults. Somehow the justice system got involved and the judged ordered her to move out so then it was just my uncle, my grandmother, and I. We then moved to Maryland before my grandmother moved out when I was seven years old. I must add that I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was five and again at the age of six. After my gradmother moved out it was just me and my uncle and still remains that way. While there is good in my Uncle, he is very narcissistic-like and can be very difficult to handle. On top of that he is very lonely from not having a wife and kids of his own. He can be controlling, tempermental, manipulative, and emotionally abusive and our relationship is not healthy. Starting at 15, I started to become depressed. I was less motivated to do stuff and went downhill as the years passed. When I was 18 things were really bad. My grades were poor, my Uncle whom I call Dad were constantly at it with each other, and I was about to lose my summer job. It this point I was having suicidal thoughts. I remember laying in my bed wondering how things were ever going to get better. There was a Bible on my bookshelf that God had been begging me to pick up for awhile. That day, I finally gave in to my thirst and began reading it. As soon as I opened it I knew Jesus was the answer to everything and let Him into my life. I have never been the same since then. One girl came into my bedroom that day and another walked out. I thought Jesus was going to solve all of my problems, but learned that He doesn't do that, but instead shows us the way to the light. After being saved, I was hospitalized for my depression and it was at the hospital where I was officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was given medication, but made the mistake of ceasing them. In addition, I flunked out of my first college. I immediately enrolled into a community college and completed my Associates degree and got accepted into another 4-year college. During the summer of 2014, I decided to report my cousin to the police and this triggered my anxiety to the point where I had to be hospitalized again. Once again, I was given medication and will continue to take them until my doctor says otherwise. I went to my knew school where I had an abusive relationship. He said he was a Christian, but never proved it so I ended our relationship after three weeks. He kept on talking about sex so I told him I didn't want to do it. Instead of taking no for an answer, he kept trying to manipulate me and even touched my private areas after I told him not to. On the upside, it was at school that I rediscovered my passion for horses and began riding again. I rode as a child, but stopped as a teen. I'm not sure why, but my Uncle just stopped taking me to the barn. God has used these amazing animals to help me in many ways. My life will always be a roller coaster ride with ups and downs, but there will always be hope with Jesus by my side.
