S
SearchingforSerenity
Guest
I’ll do my best to give my testimony. Now sometimes I do ponder the perfect way to give a testimony. The only way I know is from my heart.
I grew up in rural Canada on a farm. Was raised in a strict Christian household. Sundays gave me anxiety and I didn’t take fellowship or worship real seriously. As I got older into my late teens I no longer wanted to go. My parents letting me make that choice didn’t force me to continue going. They were extremely strict however and obviously wanted me too. My mother always said it’s between me and god. She taught me as my father did the best they knew and did I still very high moral code I
Me. As time went on I enjoyed having more time on my sundays , I could have lazy sundays finally. Or so I thought. Time would accumulate into
My 20’s and by 25 I had turned into the exact opposite of what my mother and father wanted me to be. I by this time started drinking, had lost my virginity prior, I had developed less morals. I strayed and the work environment I was in made me
Give up completely. I didn’t find a good partner to date, I became drinking almost everyday out of no where. Zero to a hundred in a couple months . I was burned out from work, quit with a good lump sum of money. And for a few years drank myself silly, slept with anyone willing to give me any affection in any manner. I truly lost my soul and wanted to die. I would talk to people about god constantly on my drunken benders and complain how the world was a mess and I didn’t want to live in it anymore. I never did anything to self harm but I didn’t feel like living then. After a few years I eventually made a bigger mess of my life. I got a dui, I kept drinking after that. Used more and more money. For the first time didn’t have a good income and didn’t care. I lost the will to be motivated and work. Which I was the opposite of before. I worked 400 hours a month with my own semi truck hauling oil. I was burned out and crying for god. I had no idea how badly I would try ruining my life. As time passed I gave up hope in every single thing. Fast forward to losing a child and having another shortly after. My life changed. It no longer was about my selfish ways. About my feelings. I now had a daughter who I wanted to protect and make sure she had everything for. I sobered up. Instantly cold turkey gave it up. I no longer drink and continue my sobriety like I once had. This is probably what I’m most proud of out side of my daughter. I pray daily, my faith has been renewed. I’m learning to trust in god more and more. Many around me during my drunken benders would tell me god is watching out for me. I should have died many times. Being robbed at gun didn’t stop me even at a certain point.
I grew up in many ways entitled without knowing it. I was given every chance and opportunity I could have ever asked for. Yet I was ungrateful. I see now how fortunate I am. Just to be able to eat and drink clean water.
Within my struggles I have daily, I still overall have found more peace than ever.
My life is currently on a much more faith based trajectory. God has become my number one place I look for answers. Instead of always trying to answer them myself. I was very ashamed of who I became. I resented those types of people. Said I would never become them. Yet I did. God humbled me greatly. He had too. I thought on my own I could have the self control to fight temptation and be so strong. Boy was I wrong. He has humbled me. I am grateful. I look at the world differently. I still have times where I am in disgust with society. Now though I’m able to empathize for once. To empathize with alcoholics, with other sinners doing wrong. I can see them as lost souls and pray for them patiently.
I’m thankful for coming out of the darkness and finally entering out into the light. My new journey hasn’t even scratched the surface. My goal now isn’t just to provide for my daughter and give her a better life. My goal is to praise God, to live righteous and set an example of a godly man for my daughter. Remain celibate, remain sober, love her, teach her about God, give her the tools and compassion I maybe never had growing up to confront me with issues she’s having. To let her feel comfortable coming to me with mistakes she makes. I never had this from my parents. Most importantly I want to share God with more people, share my learning experience. I want to meet people who want to know the truth. And hopefully change the world for the better if I can.
If anyone hasn’t seen the movie Father Stu, it’s a must watch. Even if you’re against catholic beliefs or aren’t catholic in general it’s a very touchy movie. Based on true events. I cried and have cried during it many times watching it. God truly can transform anyone if they open there heart.
Who ever reads this Thankyou you for being here and giving me the space to say out loud what I needed.
I grew up in rural Canada on a farm. Was raised in a strict Christian household. Sundays gave me anxiety and I didn’t take fellowship or worship real seriously. As I got older into my late teens I no longer wanted to go. My parents letting me make that choice didn’t force me to continue going. They were extremely strict however and obviously wanted me too. My mother always said it’s between me and god. She taught me as my father did the best they knew and did I still very high moral code I
Me. As time went on I enjoyed having more time on my sundays , I could have lazy sundays finally. Or so I thought. Time would accumulate into
My 20’s and by 25 I had turned into the exact opposite of what my mother and father wanted me to be. I by this time started drinking, had lost my virginity prior, I had developed less morals. I strayed and the work environment I was in made me
Give up completely. I didn’t find a good partner to date, I became drinking almost everyday out of no where. Zero to a hundred in a couple months . I was burned out from work, quit with a good lump sum of money. And for a few years drank myself silly, slept with anyone willing to give me any affection in any manner. I truly lost my soul and wanted to die. I would talk to people about god constantly on my drunken benders and complain how the world was a mess and I didn’t want to live in it anymore. I never did anything to self harm but I didn’t feel like living then. After a few years I eventually made a bigger mess of my life. I got a dui, I kept drinking after that. Used more and more money. For the first time didn’t have a good income and didn’t care. I lost the will to be motivated and work. Which I was the opposite of before. I worked 400 hours a month with my own semi truck hauling oil. I was burned out and crying for god. I had no idea how badly I would try ruining my life. As time passed I gave up hope in every single thing. Fast forward to losing a child and having another shortly after. My life changed. It no longer was about my selfish ways. About my feelings. I now had a daughter who I wanted to protect and make sure she had everything for. I sobered up. Instantly cold turkey gave it up. I no longer drink and continue my sobriety like I once had. This is probably what I’m most proud of out side of my daughter. I pray daily, my faith has been renewed. I’m learning to trust in god more and more. Many around me during my drunken benders would tell me god is watching out for me. I should have died many times. Being robbed at gun didn’t stop me even at a certain point.
I grew up in many ways entitled without knowing it. I was given every chance and opportunity I could have ever asked for. Yet I was ungrateful. I see now how fortunate I am. Just to be able to eat and drink clean water.
Within my struggles I have daily, I still overall have found more peace than ever.
My life is currently on a much more faith based trajectory. God has become my number one place I look for answers. Instead of always trying to answer them myself. I was very ashamed of who I became. I resented those types of people. Said I would never become them. Yet I did. God humbled me greatly. He had too. I thought on my own I could have the self control to fight temptation and be so strong. Boy was I wrong. He has humbled me. I am grateful. I look at the world differently. I still have times where I am in disgust with society. Now though I’m able to empathize for once. To empathize with alcoholics, with other sinners doing wrong. I can see them as lost souls and pray for them patiently.
I’m thankful for coming out of the darkness and finally entering out into the light. My new journey hasn’t even scratched the surface. My goal now isn’t just to provide for my daughter and give her a better life. My goal is to praise God, to live righteous and set an example of a godly man for my daughter. Remain celibate, remain sober, love her, teach her about God, give her the tools and compassion I maybe never had growing up to confront me with issues she’s having. To let her feel comfortable coming to me with mistakes she makes. I never had this from my parents. Most importantly I want to share God with more people, share my learning experience. I want to meet people who want to know the truth. And hopefully change the world for the better if I can.
If anyone hasn’t seen the movie Father Stu, it’s a must watch. Even if you’re against catholic beliefs or aren’t catholic in general it’s a very touchy movie. Based on true events. I cried and have cried during it many times watching it. God truly can transform anyone if they open there heart.
Who ever reads this Thankyou you for being here and giving me the space to say out loud what I needed.
