As most of you know, I am really shy. I don’t talk in chat or post on the forums. Although some of you will have noticed my screen name around. I just feel really blessed by everyone here and one thing I love doing is reading people’s testimonies. So I thought I’d share mine and hope that someone gets blessed by it too.
When I was growing up, my dad started his own business. The escape from the poor life he had always lived. My parents both worked really hard getting the business started, they were a great team. In the end they were really successful as well. Both my parents always did their best for me. Giving me everything I could possibly need and more, we ate meals as a family, took many family holidays and my parents came to all my school functions. I know that they did love me and did many little things for me. But they were always busy and they never really listened to me.
I always remember talking to my mum while she was on the computer doing dad’s company books, or her being really tired and my dad working a full day then coming home to cook. They didn’t have time to deal with tears. If I cried I’d be sent to my room till I cheered up, or made to smile. No one ever asked me what was wrong or how I felt about things.
When I was about 5, I was molested by one of my brother’s friends. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, nor did I tell anyone. After all who would listen to me anyway?
My whole primary school life, I can’t really remember. It was a really hard time for me as I was bullied really badly at school. I had no friends. The part that really hurts though is that my brother use to get beaten up for defending me at school. The kids in my class were just nasty, they spread rumors that I was masturbating in class, they would call me white-eye because of my skin defect, and they would never form groups with me. It was a very traumatic time for me. My parents were concerned but they never really listened. The school would do nothing because the main kids involved had parents were big sponsors for the school. Their solution was that I should drop a grade.
Halfway through grade 7, I went to a catholic all girl school. It was better there. The girls were friendly, but I still had many scars from my past. There was the first time I really heard about God. My parents both believe but they never talk about God, I’ve never seen them open a bible or even pray. If God is brought up the subject is quickly changed. We had never been to church and I never actually knew what church was all about.
There was a group of girls I use to sit with, in grade 10. One of them, Chandre became sexually active and she was telling us what she had done. All of a sudden the memories of my sexual abuse came back to me. I just wanted out of life. That’s when I started running. I really wanted to run away from home, from school. I wanted to kill myself. I just didn’t want to exist anymore.
That’s when I really started to hide things from my parents. I knew that they wouldn’t cope with my sadness. I had to put on a happy face for them. After all I was carrying so much of their anxiety from their own past. I really felt so alone. I was standing in the kitchen with a knife in my hand ready to end it all, when God first called me to Him. I just collapsed and for the first time in my life. I prayed and I cried. I didn’t even know if there was a God. I just had to talk to someone.
It wasn’t until college that I really found God though but by then I had heard so much about Him. During orientation, a girl came up to me and was telling me all about God and invited me to the church for worship and pizza. I remember standing there thinking, yes I know all about this but I didn’t want to be rude so I kept listening.
Lots of things happened after that, most of which are all a blur. I was trying to fill that emptiness inside me. I got involved in sexual activity that I am not proud of at all, I lied to many people and went out partying almost every night. Just typical college stuff I thought. I was running away from life, from God again.
During that time I met a lady online, and she encouraged me to go to church I don’t know why I listened to her, but I broke out my shell and asked one of my friends to take me to church. The ironic thing is that there were many churches in that town, but the church she took me to, was the same one that the lady had invited me to during orientation. I just knew that this was the right place for me. I went regularly and soon things just seemed to make sense. I eventually gave my life to the Lord at the end of ‘08 , and have never felt so relieved, so happy and so free.
I am still learning, still struggling and still getting closer with the Lord. But I now love Him with all my heart. It brings me to tears that I finally have a friend that will never leave me, I have someone who will always listen to me undistracted. Now I have someone to hold me when things are a little rough, and not expect me just to smile and get over it. I am surrounded by an overwhelming love. I realized for the first time in my life, that is is ok if I am weak, because He is so strong J Thank you Jesus for saving me.
When I was growing up, my dad started his own business. The escape from the poor life he had always lived. My parents both worked really hard getting the business started, they were a great team. In the end they were really successful as well. Both my parents always did their best for me. Giving me everything I could possibly need and more, we ate meals as a family, took many family holidays and my parents came to all my school functions. I know that they did love me and did many little things for me. But they were always busy and they never really listened to me.
I always remember talking to my mum while she was on the computer doing dad’s company books, or her being really tired and my dad working a full day then coming home to cook. They didn’t have time to deal with tears. If I cried I’d be sent to my room till I cheered up, or made to smile. No one ever asked me what was wrong or how I felt about things.
When I was about 5, I was molested by one of my brother’s friends. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, nor did I tell anyone. After all who would listen to me anyway?
My whole primary school life, I can’t really remember. It was a really hard time for me as I was bullied really badly at school. I had no friends. The part that really hurts though is that my brother use to get beaten up for defending me at school. The kids in my class were just nasty, they spread rumors that I was masturbating in class, they would call me white-eye because of my skin defect, and they would never form groups with me. It was a very traumatic time for me. My parents were concerned but they never really listened. The school would do nothing because the main kids involved had parents were big sponsors for the school. Their solution was that I should drop a grade.
Halfway through grade 7, I went to a catholic all girl school. It was better there. The girls were friendly, but I still had many scars from my past. There was the first time I really heard about God. My parents both believe but they never talk about God, I’ve never seen them open a bible or even pray. If God is brought up the subject is quickly changed. We had never been to church and I never actually knew what church was all about.
There was a group of girls I use to sit with, in grade 10. One of them, Chandre became sexually active and she was telling us what she had done. All of a sudden the memories of my sexual abuse came back to me. I just wanted out of life. That’s when I started running. I really wanted to run away from home, from school. I wanted to kill myself. I just didn’t want to exist anymore.
That’s when I really started to hide things from my parents. I knew that they wouldn’t cope with my sadness. I had to put on a happy face for them. After all I was carrying so much of their anxiety from their own past. I really felt so alone. I was standing in the kitchen with a knife in my hand ready to end it all, when God first called me to Him. I just collapsed and for the first time in my life. I prayed and I cried. I didn’t even know if there was a God. I just had to talk to someone.
It wasn’t until college that I really found God though but by then I had heard so much about Him. During orientation, a girl came up to me and was telling me all about God and invited me to the church for worship and pizza. I remember standing there thinking, yes I know all about this but I didn’t want to be rude so I kept listening.
Lots of things happened after that, most of which are all a blur. I was trying to fill that emptiness inside me. I got involved in sexual activity that I am not proud of at all, I lied to many people and went out partying almost every night. Just typical college stuff I thought. I was running away from life, from God again.
During that time I met a lady online, and she encouraged me to go to church I don’t know why I listened to her, but I broke out my shell and asked one of my friends to take me to church. The ironic thing is that there were many churches in that town, but the church she took me to, was the same one that the lady had invited me to during orientation. I just knew that this was the right place for me. I went regularly and soon things just seemed to make sense. I eventually gave my life to the Lord at the end of ‘08 , and have never felt so relieved, so happy and so free.
I am still learning, still struggling and still getting closer with the Lord. But I now love Him with all my heart. It brings me to tears that I finally have a friend that will never leave me, I have someone who will always listen to me undistracted. Now I have someone to hold me when things are a little rough, and not expect me just to smile and get over it. I am surrounded by an overwhelming love. I realized for the first time in my life, that is is ok if I am weak, because He is so strong J Thank you Jesus for saving me.
