B
BlondeScience
Guest
Hello Friends! It's been a while. I'm just gonna be honest. I've been up to no good all summer and fall has been pretty... fally. It's interesting, the people you meet on your way down. I'm thankful for the ones above me who've helped hold me up. I can't expect them to hold on forever, but I hope they do, 'cause I won't deny it's challenging keeping my head above water as I try to hold onto people who've fallen long before I did but have qualities that make me wanna stick around and help them. It's not a selfless act though because I'm totally having fun. But it's just shallow fun, and I only hope it will become more meaningful.
In the midst of all of my trouble causing, I had another aortic dissection and didn't even go to the hospital right away. Three weeks later was told I needed emergency surgery. So I had bypass on my left carotid artery, then two days later replacement of the ascending aorta. I now have an entirely Dacron aortic arch. I know, I feel like Iron Man. I have some pretty cool scars too.
Anyway, shall I go on? I've been hanging out with this guy. And it's been really fun. He lives a really rough life though. I feel weird talking about it publicly, 'cause it's his business. But it's kinda my business because I care about him. Just that he's got a bit of an attitude towards God. Aaaand he's an IV drug user. It doesn't really phase me. Maybe I've seen too many episodes of Intervention. But I do worry that he's in trouble. I don't know what to do to help him. I know when we hang out, I expose him to a lot of goodness and positivity. And it's rewarding just to shine a little light. He grew up with God, so I'm super thankful that he has that foundation. It's not as hard to delve into spiritual conversations, and music and stuff. I've made a habit of telling people that I'm a Christian pretty much right when I meet them, or whenever it does come up, I'm just bold and happy, and I have nothing to prove and all my love to give. So I hope I leave a nice Christ like impression on people. I just need to spend more time in the Word. I need to get it good and soaked in so that when I need it, it's there. 'Cause I need it all the time. And I'm so thankful that I know God even as well as I do, because he leads me. And I know he won't leave me. So, while I'm dabbling in a social circle that some may frown upon, I honestly feel like I know what I'm doing. Even if I don't entirely know what I'm doing. I really do trust God to help me shine in this person's life. And in the lives of his friends. They've never gotten mad at me for talking about God. And they're all pretty cool. I've known most of these people for a long time. I just haven't hung out with them for a really long time. They don't all do drugs. One of the guys is gonna help me with my cardiac rehab, aaand I invited the guy to join us. I'll propose it more seriously yet. But I think working out would be a good substitute for drugs. I know that's really naive of me to think he's just gonna quit doing whatever the heck he's doing. I don't even know for sure what he does. Probably everything.
Sin is such a relative thing to perceive. When you're virtuous, you're more sensitive to it. And then there are those that are so immersed in it, they're just used to the temperature of the water. Those who are tuned in to the light, and achieve that momentum of staying virtuous, and liking who you are and finding rewards in it, you are bright shining stars in this world. Especially during a time when it's so so so easy to fall and get totally caught up in a different momentum. I've seen this now. In real life. I see it all the time. A lifestyle in a world that's so coated in sin, how on earth is a person supposed to come up from from under it? THAT is why we need Jesus. Not so we can continue to sin, but when we've messed up so badly that you'd swear it's impossible to be free of it, but it's not impossible. It's still super possible. and that turnaround is probably one of the most amazing things to see. And some people are like, Why do you hang out with him? Or, Don't cast your pearls before the swine, Crystal. People are still people. I'd like to make my own decisions on who I spend time with, and if something stupid happens and there are consequences, I will accept that with grace and dignity and call it a lesson learned. Some lessons you do just have to learn yourself. I'm not doing anything dangerous. I've simply been in the company of people who could use a little light. And I know I have loads of self improving to do. But... this is just where I am. Where I've been. It's kinda weird. I know.
I need to work harder to keep all this going in the right direction. Or I know it could backfire. But I feel strong, and positive. So I smile, and thank God for people. They all have something to offer no matter what their hangups are. And when people are drawn to show people kindness and love, I'm pretty sure that's okay. I'm still holding onto God. And He's got me.
In the midst of all of my trouble causing, I had another aortic dissection and didn't even go to the hospital right away. Three weeks later was told I needed emergency surgery. So I had bypass on my left carotid artery, then two days later replacement of the ascending aorta. I now have an entirely Dacron aortic arch. I know, I feel like Iron Man. I have some pretty cool scars too.
Anyway, shall I go on? I've been hanging out with this guy. And it's been really fun. He lives a really rough life though. I feel weird talking about it publicly, 'cause it's his business. But it's kinda my business because I care about him. Just that he's got a bit of an attitude towards God. Aaaand he's an IV drug user. It doesn't really phase me. Maybe I've seen too many episodes of Intervention. But I do worry that he's in trouble. I don't know what to do to help him. I know when we hang out, I expose him to a lot of goodness and positivity. And it's rewarding just to shine a little light. He grew up with God, so I'm super thankful that he has that foundation. It's not as hard to delve into spiritual conversations, and music and stuff. I've made a habit of telling people that I'm a Christian pretty much right when I meet them, or whenever it does come up, I'm just bold and happy, and I have nothing to prove and all my love to give. So I hope I leave a nice Christ like impression on people. I just need to spend more time in the Word. I need to get it good and soaked in so that when I need it, it's there. 'Cause I need it all the time. And I'm so thankful that I know God even as well as I do, because he leads me. And I know he won't leave me. So, while I'm dabbling in a social circle that some may frown upon, I honestly feel like I know what I'm doing. Even if I don't entirely know what I'm doing. I really do trust God to help me shine in this person's life. And in the lives of his friends. They've never gotten mad at me for talking about God. And they're all pretty cool. I've known most of these people for a long time. I just haven't hung out with them for a really long time. They don't all do drugs. One of the guys is gonna help me with my cardiac rehab, aaand I invited the guy to join us. I'll propose it more seriously yet. But I think working out would be a good substitute for drugs. I know that's really naive of me to think he's just gonna quit doing whatever the heck he's doing. I don't even know for sure what he does. Probably everything.
Sin is such a relative thing to perceive. When you're virtuous, you're more sensitive to it. And then there are those that are so immersed in it, they're just used to the temperature of the water. Those who are tuned in to the light, and achieve that momentum of staying virtuous, and liking who you are and finding rewards in it, you are bright shining stars in this world. Especially during a time when it's so so so easy to fall and get totally caught up in a different momentum. I've seen this now. In real life. I see it all the time. A lifestyle in a world that's so coated in sin, how on earth is a person supposed to come up from from under it? THAT is why we need Jesus. Not so we can continue to sin, but when we've messed up so badly that you'd swear it's impossible to be free of it, but it's not impossible. It's still super possible. and that turnaround is probably one of the most amazing things to see. And some people are like, Why do you hang out with him? Or, Don't cast your pearls before the swine, Crystal. People are still people. I'd like to make my own decisions on who I spend time with, and if something stupid happens and there are consequences, I will accept that with grace and dignity and call it a lesson learned. Some lessons you do just have to learn yourself. I'm not doing anything dangerous. I've simply been in the company of people who could use a little light. And I know I have loads of self improving to do. But... this is just where I am. Where I've been. It's kinda weird. I know.
I need to work harder to keep all this going in the right direction. Or I know it could backfire. But I feel strong, and positive. So I smile, and thank God for people. They all have something to offer no matter what their hangups are. And when people are drawn to show people kindness and love, I'm pretty sure that's okay. I'm still holding onto God. And He's got me.