My, What Green Eyes You Have! (Jealousy.)

[seoulsearch]

Greetings, Everybody:

From a single's perspective, do you find yourself dealing with jealousy often? Maybe you are jealous of other people who seem to have what you want... or others express jealousy towards you because they tell you that you have it made as a single? (I work with a guy in his 70's who is constantly telling me I must be rolling in dough because I'm single with no kids; some of the other single parents also tell me I supposedly have it made because I could go out and party every night--but that's not what I'm into.)

I've found myself feeling extremely jealous at times of a co-worker in particular who was in a very bad situation several years ago but never wanted to talk about it. When I tried to ask her, she exploded and it made work very tense for several weeks... until she called me some time later in the middle of the night, asking me to come pick her up.

She started coming to my church, and I went to all the new member classes with her so she wouldn't feel alone... went to her baptism, etc., and would try to encourage her to keep going when she called in a panic over whether or not she should attend her counseling group. I love her dearly and am happy to see what God has helped her through.

But... about 3 years ago... God sent her a wonderful guy. He treats her like gold, and for most every holiday, anniversary, or even no special occasion... our office is bombarded with flowers for her, etc. They plan to marry in the spring. I tried very, very hard to always be happy and glad for her.

But one day, she told me, "Kim, last night I prayed that God would heal your jealous heart."

I was like, "WHOA, I must be really out of control for her to say something like that."

I know we are to be content with where we are and with what God gives us... but we're still human!! I pray regularly for help with this and feel the best thing God has done is allowed people to tell me about their lives--I get to see their struggles and know their situations aren't perfect... but sometimes I still feel very hurt and looked over (I've been alone this whole time.)

How about all of you? Does jealousy ever get the best of you... and how has God helped you deal with it?

 

[sweetheart728]

i was just thinking about this...

my best friend was dating a guy who brought her into church about a month before she broght me in...

long story short.... i became jealous because she had a compainon and i didnt....

so one day we were talking and i told her how jealous i was....
and then she told me that she was also jealous of me....
she said that she was jealous because i always seemed to have things going my way and i always seem to have favor with people....

then right there God showed me.... basically you win some you lose some....
i was with out a companion but she was with out favor( so she felt)

God later showed me that companions are not for everybody in every season... meaning that if He would have gave me a boyfriend when i wanted one.... i would have been taken off the path of God...

soooo now ive come to terms with being single because i know there is a time for everything under the sun...

 

[Liam]

Yeah I get jealous it's my bIggest vice, bigger than my pride which is mostly feigned-mostly. I know exactly what you mean though. I don't get jealous a lot because I am very fussy but when i meet a girl I like and she's with another dude (my cuurent sitch) I get quietly jealous. Also when peOple (especially men) neglect or mistreat their family. I have on more than one Occasion thought "okay then god give it to me instead"

in the end you just have to police yourself and trust him to provide for you. Like right now I'm trusting the he'll outta him, desperatly hoping that this perfect angel of a woman sees something in me she will love and give me a chance. Her current Bo has two years with her and lives nearer and was raised a Christian.... He's closer to her age... Hrm.

really all I got in my favour is an honest heart, a true admiration of her strength of character and sparkling innocence, FAITH and this strange idea that God will change the plans we've made. But mostly faith. She is perfect, My heart skips a beat everytime she speaks and sometimes she speaks and she is so deep in the lord I just want to grab her and kiss her.

But she's involved with another man and coveting is bad enough without trying to steal her. I have to trust god and trust her to choose the man who will care the most I guess. Pray for me?

 

[seoulsearch]

Sweetheart: it really hit me when you said that your friend told you that SHE was jealous of you!! It's so funny but probably also very obvious that other people think we're the ones with the greener side of the fence for different reasons... When I thought about it, I know my friend has expressed to me that she's a little jealous of my family (my parents are very cool and I love going to see them across the country when I can.)

I like to say, the grass is always greener on the other side... but no matter what side you're on, that grass still has to be watered, fertilized, cut, and weeded...

Liam, I can understand your situation very much. There was a guy who came to my school in second grade (yeah, I know that sounds juvenile) and I just thought he was perfect. We went to school together all through high school, so I pretty much always kept a candle burning all those years... but, we were in different crowds and he always had girlfriends who were part of the most popular cliques (although he himself did not turn into a snob because of it--making me like him all the more), but unfortunately, it was a lost cause.

We'll definitely pray for you because I totally understand what you must feel--and I think it's great that you're honest enough to admit the problems with possible coveting... I've coveted enough for ten people in the past few years so I know what a struggle it is. Keep fighting and we'll be cheering you on (and may God bring you the right person especially for you--no one else attached.)

 

[Liam]

Thank you.

 

[freenow]

jealousy is something i have struggled with especially as my ex was into having affairs. Recently God presented me with a situation where i have had to confront these jealous feelings. Have certainly grown though this but yeah still struggle with the being alone thing, where it seems many others have special friends to be with.

It is all growth, this website helps to see that there are many of us alone and not wanting to be, so together we unite and support each other . Pretty cool.

 

[FixYourWeave]

I get horribly jealous sometimes. I wonder what it is about me thats not quite right. Maybe my therapist could better answer that question. I often ask god why this person has this or that person has that, but i dont..

 

[seoulsearch]

Heh heh, FYW--your online nickname makes me wish I had a weave to fix! (And if I ever did get one, I'd make sure it was perfect, just for you.)

I think jealousy is something we all feel at some point, for different reasons. For instance, I know two girls in my church right now who are pastor's wives and currently extremely jealous of the other girls in our church (a few of them unmarried) who are pregnant and having babies because for whatever reasons, they are unable to have more children at this time.

God says He is jealous for us... He wants our first love to be Him and no other... which makes me wonder what the difference is between our own sinful human jealous and God's righteous sense of jealousy.

Does anyone have any idea of what "right" jealousy as compared to "wrong?"

 

[seoulsearch]

Oh, and did I mention that the friend I originally posted about has a $500 "pre-engagement" ring and then a $2400 "regular" engagement ring she wears everyday... so I get to be practically blinded by the dazzling, blazing, sparkling light of her own personal wearable diamond mine nearly every day at work?

Ha ha, I can hear it now: "Well, don't be so materialistic, Seoulsearch..." or, "We can see what's most important to you!"

NO!! It's not the gems or the money... (when I got engaged, my ring was a $100 cubic zirconia because I didn't want him to have to go to the expense of getting an expensive ring... we were poor college students, and we went half-and-half in paying for it)... what gets to me at times is seeing someone being so loved, treasured, and valued right in front of my eyes. Not only that, but she wanted had always wanted to visit a certain country... and her fiance is from this country... she bought a house and he's a contractor so he's helping her build and remodel the entire house before they marry and make make the house their own... They sit behind me at church with their kids, and I think to myself, "She has a family and I have..." an empty echo throughout the house when I come home and throw my keys on the table.

Yes, we are to value God's love for us most... but God loves EVERYONE... and sometimes I just fall to that feeling of wanting the love of that ONE "special" someone who finds me to be more special than anyone else. (I can see it now, I think my next thread will be about greed... "Seoulsearch's Threads on the Seven Deadly Sins...") Ha!

 

[grace]

I think it is *normal* to envy....hence why there is a comandment about it.

Soooo....I think to learn a new level of contentment through whatever jealously we may feel at times is what is key. Seems to work for me anyway.