Need answered prayer on family matter

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cricket27

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I have a Christian niece who God has allowed me to help in many ways over the years. Recently, She came to stay in my home while she started on a new job. She is in her 40's and has a disabled husband who is temporarily living with his parents until she can save money for an apartment. Yet she owns a home which has a broken air conditioner. i live in a mobile home and can only afford to run a window unit in my bedroom. So I let her sleep in my room to keep cool. Only problem is, she wanted me to accomodate her by going to bed when she does because she works early in the morning. I had already told her that I do not go to bed until late at night. This createde so much resentment on both our parts that I asked her to go and stay at her home. Her son has been living in her home and has not made the payments or repairs needed. I was told by my neice that I was selfish and not sacrificing like I was suppose to as a christian. She told me that I hurt her very bad. I am so confused as to what I have done wrong. I feel terrible and need an answer from the Lord about this guilt i am experiencing. She told me that giving her money was no real sacrifice, but to sacrifice my comfort for others is. I feel I have done it all and more. Also, she seems to be good at pulling spiritual rank on me and makes me feel like I can't live up to her level as a christian. please, can anyone help me sort this out? prat that God will reveal what I should be doing about this.

Mary
 
I guess I would start by saying you need to be the head of your house hold instead of your niece....Yes we are called as christians to be hospitable, in helping those in need, but that does'nt mean to allow someone else to become dominate over us & demanding their rights. If it were my home I would simply say this is my timeline for you to be out on your own. We all have to be responsible and thats just the way it is. I had a situation similiar several years back. I had to set a timeline for when this person was to be out. I didnt let this individual become the head of my household, although they sure wanted to be in control & take over. I finally said no more. I truly believe in helping out those that may need a temporary place to stay, but enter into a situation like that prayerfully, because it is very easy to be taken advantage of, and find yourself in a difficult situation. Put it all in the Lords hand prayerfully, and remember to Thank the Lord. Theres a saying that I really love..." If the Lord brings you to it, than the Lord will bring you through it" let go, and let God lead the way........Blessing Skylyn
 
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Cricket27, Christians are not doormats. If anyone was selfish in this situation it's your niece. There is a difference between sacrifice and being taken advantage of.
 
Dear Cricket27,

First and foremost, true Christians do not expect something for nothing. In 2 Thessalonians, Paul wrote, "For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this... in order to offer ourselves as a model for you to imitate." ( 2 Thessalonians 3:7-9)

Your situation with your niece seems to me to be something that cries out for compromise. Yet it appears as though neither one of you has thought of that solution. If you offer forgiveness, and compromise, to your niece she might try to help you find a mutually acceptable answer to your dilemma. If she does not, then you are certainly within your "rights" to live your life as you always have done. However, God calls us to examine our rights in the light of his commandments; especially "The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:31)

God be with you in your quest.
 
Thank you Skylyn, Beckyz and dmdave17. You all have given me GREAT encouragement. I have taken your words in love and compassion. I don't normally ask for advice when I know I can go to the Lord and His word for help, yet this time I felt I needed another Christian who may have experienced this type of dilemma. Also sometimes family members can tend to help or hinder. I appreciate so much you all for taking your time to care about this stranger.
Now, I'm not able to tell you the whole relationship with my niece and I. But I have felt she was very special to me since she was a little girl. I have always volunteered to help her and give her anything I could, and many times my own bedroom while I slept on my couch. She unfortunately wasn't taught to be aware of others needs as most parents teach their children. She does love God but is very self centered. She told me recently that her car needed repairs but she had no money. I asked her if she could borrow money from someone to get it fixed. she said that she would rather they give her the money as a blessing instead of loan it to her. And this is mainly how she believes. She doesn't want a blessing unless it is free and clear. So after she told me that, I was getting a little suspicious of her motives. About a month later, she was needing gas money. i had very little myself but I offered her $20. She took it as said she would give it back to me 3 days later. Well when 3 days came she told me that she had to pay her son back first and would pay me back next week. Now, please understand it is not to money I was upset about. It was the idea that I knew she wanted me to say just keep it. I didn't and she wasn't happy. This has been an on going thing with her in the family and even other Christian friends of hers. I love this girl, but I can't be her doormat anymore.

So when I read these wonderful replies...I knew I was the problem. I have been a doormat for many. Because I didn't understand boundaries like I should have. now I see the difference between sacrificing to help someone and being took advantage of. You have no idea what lifted off my heart when I read it. I am so thankful for the sound advice from you all and I'm asking the Lord to RICHLY bless you all!!!

Mary
 
Soon as i hear someone start saying things about how i'm not being 'Christian enough' i immediately discredit pretty much everything else that comes out of their mouth. What she's essentially trying to do is use guilt & manipulation to get her way. She's being selfish & demanding, as opposed to being grateful in a time of need. She's trying to use your faith as a source to manipulate. I'd stop worrying about her complaints.
 
Thank you Ugly, although I feel rude calling you that! I appreciate your input on this situation.
I have noticed over the years that my niece does pull spiritual rank pretty often on people. I really love her and pray her eyes will be opened. She seems to have an elite spirit and that is really hard to deal with. Thank you again and may the Lord bless you for your compassion!
 
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