Need help dealing with my loneliness

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CSCC2012

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I've come to realize I'm way more socially awkward I've imagined. I didn't have many friends in elementary school and I was bullied all through middle school. High school was ok but I never really developed any social skills there either.

I've always had a hard time interacting with people. I've become so accustomed to people walking away that I began to unknowingly push people away and therefore could never really connect with people. I don't really know how relationships work, I know the basics but I don't know how to bond and feel close to anyone. It's something I've been working on for a few years now.

It's taking a toll on me in college, at my retail job (which I actually did for myself to force me to be social), and at my internship. I could really use advice, support, and especially prayer. I pray to God every night and while I've made some progress, I still feel really alone outside my relationships with God first and foremost, my family, my best friend of 14 years, and my boyfriend.
 
You don't seem socially awkward in the slightest when it comes to how you present yourself online. And the fact that you have a boyfriend. . . well, maybe you're just attempting to connect with people that are incompatible with you?

In any case, my heart goes out to you, and I will save a prayer. :) You are never alone, for there are always two sets of foot prints in the sand.
 
The thing about loneliness is sometimes you could be surround by lots of ppl (friends & family) and still be lonely. I believe there are different types of loneliness, the need to feel accepted by family and friends, the need for a mate are different types of lonely feelings. This is something I have struggled with as a young person. Now all i can tell you is what I did that helped. It is about putting youself out there emotionally. Not just going through the actions. You have to be willing to let ppls in. They can know when its all just on the surface. Once I started being open to ppl, smiling even when I did not feel like it, I found that ppls being drawn to me.

I still have to deal with the loneliness that comes from being single. But like I said that is different from being lonely among family and friends. Its a feeling that only having that special someone can help with.
 
It's easier for me to communicate online, outside the internet I'm a social wreak.

Thank you both for your kind words. :)
 
Hi CS
I can relate. I've always been pretty socially awkward myself. I also do better being online, but even then i sometimes struggle. Firstly, as was pointed out, you have had a best friend for 14 years, and you have a boyfriend. So you're not giving yourself enough credit right off the bat. Stop making excuses for why those relationships 'don't count' towards your 'social abilities' factor.
Secondly, stay in retail as long as you can afford it. I spent most of my life working retail and it has helped me. When you go out to eat, or shopping, try being friendly to the cashiers, chat with them. Or really anywhere public that you deal with employees. Though this isn't the 'in depth of friendship' type stuff, just learning to be more open and friendly minded in general can also help open you up in closer friendships.
Try learning about people in general, reading is a great way to do this. Books on body language help. I always enjoyed being the quiet one, watching people, observing behavior. Now that i'm a bit older i can take that information and use it to help me deal with people.
Other good books to read are 'Boundaries' and 'Safe People' both by Townsend/Cloud.. Christian psychologists. Perhaps reading these books and applying what you get out of them may make you feel safer and less vulnerable to people in general, at least until you get to where you feel comfortable being vulnerable to someone.
And as you learn to pick better people to be around, also learn to let go of the past and the people that have hurt you. Sometimes we can approach new people as 'this is the next person to hurt me' and that can influence how we feel towards them, how we open to them, how we treat them, and in turn how they treat us. Yes, some people will hurt you in life, there's no way to stop it. But others will do more good than damage. Its a risk we have to accept.
Lastly, as odd is it may sound, accept yourself. I know i'm not a hugely social person. While i am trying to learn to be more social, open, and also a better friend to people, at the same time i know i will probably never be great at it. So i just have to accept that while i can improve, unless God sees fit do change me, i will likely always be this way to some degree. So don't make your goal to be something you're not, but rather a better version of what you are.
 
Ugly said:
Hi CS
I can relate. I've always been pretty socially awkward myself. I also do better being online, but even then i sometimes struggle. Firstly, as was pointed out, you have had a best friend for 14 years, and you have a boyfriend. So you're not giving yourself enough credit right off the bat. Stop making excuses for why those relationships 'don't count' towards your 'social abilities' factor.
Secondly, stay in retail as long as you can afford it. I spent most of my life working retail and it has helped me. When you go out to eat, or shopping, try being friendly to the cashiers, chat with them. Or really anywhere public that you deal with employees. Though this isn't the 'in depth of friendship' type stuff, just learning to be more open and friendly minded in general can also help open you up in closer friendships.
Try learning about people in general, reading is a great way to do this. Books on body language help. I always enjoyed being the quiet one, watching people, observing behavior. Now that i'm a bit older i can take that information and use it to help me deal with people.
Other good books to read are 'Boundaries' and 'Safe People' both by Townsend/Cloud.. Christian psychologists. Perhaps reading these books and applying what you get out of them may make you feel safer and less vulnerable to people in general, at least until you get to where you feel comfortable being vulnerable to someone.
And as you learn to pick better people to be around, also learn to let go of the past and the people that have hurt you. Sometimes we can approach new people as 'this is the next person to hurt me' and that can influence how we feel towards them, how we open to them, how we treat them, and in turn how they treat us. Yes, some people will hurt you in life, there's no way to stop it. But others will do more good than damage. Its a risk we have to accept.
Lastly, as odd is it may sound, accept yourself. I know i'm not a hugely social person. While i am trying to learn to be more social, open, and also a better friend to people, at the same time i know i will probably never be great at it. So i just have to accept that while i can improve, unless God sees fit do change me, i will likely always be this way to some degree. So don't make your goal to be something you're not, but rather a better version of what you are.
Click to expand...

This helps me so much. I'm going to hold onto this. Thank you. :)
 
I can't relate to you as much considering I'm 4 years younger, but I've noticed that the more I focus on God, the less shy I become. It's very general, but it works. Sometimes I even find myself starting a conversation, and I don't even know it!
 
Hear! Hear! I feel for you. I too lack social skills and now after being divorced 4 years and in my mid 40's, it's not too helpful in meeting new people. As you mentioned, you just get used to not talking or having friends but in the long run you really wish you did.
 
I WILL PRAY FOR U BECUS I USE TO BE A PERSON WHO DIDNT REALLY GET OUT AND MEET OTHER PEOPLE TILL IVE BECAME OLDER IT TO WENT AND GOT A JOB WERE IT FORCE ME TO BECOME A PEOPLE PERSON AND IT HELP, JUST PRAY ON YOUR PROBLEM AND GOD WILL HELP YOU TO WORK ON IT
 
The Bible says if you want friends you must show yourself friendly.:)

smile, God Loves You



 
Hi i saw your post and it really touched me. I have been dealing with lonliness as well, I can relate in a big way. You are not alone, Jesus loves you! For me I had problems throughout school with self-esteem and I ended up dropping out because of the pressure. It seems that I want everyone to like me no matter what. Then a friend told me that god not only likes you he loves you with all his heart and that's the only opinion that matters.

Godbless.
 
I will give you some advice, but mainly I'm preaching to myself here. I struggle with the same things and God has really shed some light on why I struggle with these things. The root of it for me is I have a fear of rejection. That if i put myself out there, there is a chance someone will not like me, tear me down or say something hurtful. So for me it's been about knowing my true identity in the Fathers eyes. I am a daughter of God, I am beautiful, and he loves me and my personality and character because he made me to be me. So once your established and believe the truth of what Jesus says about you, that you are precious, worthy, and valuable, you can choose to not care what others might think or say about you. So you can say, I will put myself out there, I will smile and try to be social, and if i mess up who cares, or they choose not to like me, that doesn't change my identity. That's helped me get past the fear of meeting new people or being social or about speaking. Don't listen to the lies of the enemy ("they won't like you", "your not worthy", "you are all alone"). God is with you, he cherishes you, and He will be by your side always! And when you step out of the fear of man and fear of rejection and into the fear of God and truth, It frees you to be who you were created to be, YOU!
 
Be honest with yourself and God, He can handle you asking questions, and saying if you dont like things. He can see our thoughts, so it's best to tell Him then the healing can begin...............

As Phoenix said, it's awesome to know who you are in Christ, there is NO condemnation when we sin (not a free pass to sin of course,as it still damages us.......), you are blessed with every spirtual blessing, and God loves you.

Going beyond this, I find it so beneficial to proclaim, or speak out the Truth. Then it sinks in more and when the enemy comes, we can more easily send him fleeing. If you get condemning thoughts, just rebuke the enemy and say God's Word says there's no condemnation........! Be blessed :)
 
CSCC2012 said:
I've come to realize I'm way more socially awkward I've imagined. I didn't have many friends in elementary school and I was bullied all through middle school. High school was ok but I never really developed any social skills there either.

I've always had a hard time interacting with people. I've become so accustomed to people walking away that I began to unknowingly push people away and therefore could never really connect with people. I don't really know how relationships work, I know the basics but I don't know how to bond and feel close to anyone. It's something I've been working on for a few years now.

It's taking a toll on me in college, at my retail job (which I actually did for myself to force me to be social), and at my internship. I could really use advice, support, and especially prayer. I pray to God every night and while I've made some progress, I still feel really alone outside my relationships with God first and foremost, my family, my best friend of 14 years, and my boyfriend.
Click to expand...

Dang, you've got a lot of friends. Good job. As I've had similar experiences, I'm not one to really help you. I don't feel that alone, but I know I'm not that social either. Recently I've just not cared to be around people. Been kind of blah. I don't think everyone has it all together in the relationship department either. Of course some of us are better than others. I think I could get friends if I really wanted them, but just haven't wanted to put forth the effort lately. If your boyfriend has friends then hang out with his friends. Get his friends to bring their friends to hang out with. Then you can start networking, and before long you'll have tons of friends and plenty of connections.

Nevermind. Ugly's post is pretty amazing. Listen to him. :D
 
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Hello Aristocat.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."- 1 John 4:18
In response to this You are mad perfect in Yeshua. Like Timofree said, "lay claim to this." You are a child of MOST HIGH GOD!! That means that you are HIS SON. He see's you as royalty, a KING a PRIEST.. You have all the spiritual blessings in the heavenly.
In psalsms 139:17 David say's, How precious are your thoughts to Oh God! How great is the sum of them!! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand. What David is saying is that He is valuable in the Father's eyes.. He is saying that His thoughts to Him are more than each grain of sand in the entire world..
We are valuable in His eyes. That perfect love was given to you at Calvary.. Don't listen to these fire and brimstone preachers who are questioning your salvation or preaching works and condemnation or telling you that you have to do this to earn this or come to church thus an thus long to obtain this.. As He is so are we in this World.. That is your identity..
 
CSCC2012 said:
It's easier for me to communicate online, outside the internet I'm a social wreak.

Thank you both for your kind words. :)
Click to expand...

I know how that goes...I don't have many real life friends. I don't know WHY, but I don't. The ones I do have I don't see that often. Yes, I do need to get out more. But I still have a lot of trouble communicating with people in real life.
 
Methinks it's self esteem. I come off as more verbally eloquent online than I am in person, but I've noticed if I'm around a person I'm really comfortable with, I don't struggle as much.

Bless it!

Best regards to both of ya, lil_christian and csccc!
 
Siberian_Khatru said:
Methinks it's self esteem. I come off as more verbally eloquent online than I am in person, but I've noticed if I'm around a person I'm really comfortable with, I don't struggle as much.

Bless it!

Best regards to both of ya, lil_christian and csccc!
Click to expand...

Thank you, Siberian :)
 
I love Phoenix's post..truly meaningful. Its just hard to remember all these things that God has on us... But keeping it in mind can truly lift your spirits.

My tongue will proclaim your righteousness,
your praises all day long. Psalms 35:28

He is a God that is bounteous in his love for us... He will help you and all of us through...CSCC2012
(I echo everything you said and others about feeling alone..)
 
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