New here...Help please

[guitarguy592]

Ok here's the thing, there's this girl i like...around april i had told her that i liked her and well she said she liked me and since i would have been her first boyfriend if we did start dating, she wanted to wait and see what God says. I told her that i would wait as long as she needs, and the next day after that i had prayed asking God if she was the one that i would marry, and in my quiet time(time where i get away from anyone and anything and just read God's word and praise Him) the first thing i got was Ephesians 5:22 which talks about marriage(this was also the last place i left off in my QT's and sadly i had not done in a while, mind that i did not know that it would be talking about marriage and this would have been the first time i've read it all). The next thing i got was, I went to church and the study that day was in 1 Corinthians 7 which also talks about marriage. So then i looked for Godly counsel from my youth leader and then to my youth pastor, i told them that i was gonna wait till she was ready and to get more confirmation and they told me that I was doing things right. Also telling me that it was God speaking to me but not to just jump the gun on this. I also believed it was God speaking to me and i believed the passages and study. My faith was way up, i trusted it with my whole heart. Then on may 27th she told me she wanted to talk, i knew what was coming, she told me it didnt feel right. I asked her why and she told me because she saw me as to much of a brother/friend and she didnt want to lose that. My faith quivered and now a doubt remains in my heart if she is the one, shes always on my mind and all i want is the best for her.



What do you think? How can I get rid of this doubt?

 

[Pheonix]

Focus on God, the rest will work itself out. She is probably as confused as you are so don't try and push something. If you do it'll end badly. Years ago I thought I had found the one I was supposed to marry, I even had bible verses to support it. We broke up after a series of unfortunate events, and it was only after that I realized it was not God, but my own desires finding support in the bible. It would never have worked out between us and we are now both better off than if we had gotten married.

Just give it time, maybe things will go the way you want, maybe they wont. Its up to God. He knows you both and what is best for you since he can see your whole life and the consequences of all the possible decisions in your life.

 

[guitarguy592]

Pheonix~ I understand what you mean about it being just my desires to find support from the bible, i had done that with the previous girl i like though i realized that it was just purely based on looks. With this girl i never thought i was ever going to like her because she was one of my best friends sisters and was like a sister to me, i kind of made it a point to never like her because of those reasons. Though I continue to pray everyday to see God's will. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Dianetheblogger]

Hi guitarguy592,

First, let me commend you for praying for this girl, for seeking spiritual advise and seeking God's plan for you and the girl God has in store for you.
Continue praying and seeking for God's will in your life (and matters of the heart).

Second, understand that I am coming from a girl's point of view, we sort of see things in the long term. What do I mean by that, well, In the future, how will it be between the two of you---
1. You will be together as a couple, happily
2. You started off as a couple, but eventually, learned you weren't for each other, so you part ways never talking to each other because being back to friends is way to awkward
3. You never dated, continue to be friends, as brother-sister in Christ relationship

A girl, wouldnt risk losing you as a friend not even if there is a possibility that you might be the ONE as its better to have you as a friend for now than risk dating and losing you as a friend in turn, not unless she is 100% sure. Uncertainty doesnt mean that she thinks less of you, it only means that you have to give her time, yourself sometime to think things through. Continue to be friends, Pray, never lose hope. Focus your eyes on Jesus, and you will never lose hope.


(Have you read, I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris?, its a great book to read about dating)

 

[niceguyJ]

Focus on God, the rest will work itself out. She is probably as confused as you are so don't try and push something. If you do it'll end badly. Years ago I thought I had found the one I was supposed to marry, I even had bible verses to support it. We broke up after a series of unfortunate events, and it was only after that I realized it was not God, but my own desires finding support in the bible. It would never have worked out between us and we are now both better off than if we had gotten married.

I'm glad you brought that up. I know, in my own life, I've been confused like that too before.
Sometimes we can want something so badly we think God is telling us "YES!!" even when he isn't.

guitarguy,
It's between you and God. It's a huge thing though, obviously. I think it becomes an even bigger deal when you think that you could miss someone you'd be great with because you're stuck thinking about someone else who isn't going to work out.
If she is saying "No.", then that's her choice. Could she change her mind? Perhaps. What if she doesn't change her mind?
You asked how to get rid of the doubt. Perhaps the doubt is supposed to be there.
Once again though, it boils down to: It's between you and God. No one here can answer these things for you.
Just keep seeking God with all you have, as others have mentioned. That's the main thing. I hope you get the answers you seek and find peace in this situation.

 

[chuck7777]

Ok here's the thing, there's this girl i like...around april i had told her that i liked her and well she said she liked me and since i would have been her first boyfriend if we did start dating, she wanted to wait and see what God says. I told her that i would wait as long as she needs, and the next day after that i had prayed asking God if she was the one that i would marry, and in my quiet time(time where i get away from anyone and anything and just read God's word and praise Him) the first thing i got was Ephesians 5:22 which talks about marriage(this was also the last place i left off in my QT's and sadly i had not done in a while, mind that i did not know that it would be talking about marriage and this would have been the first time i've read it all). The next thing i got was, I went to church and the study that day was in 1 Corinthians 7 which also talks about marriage. So then i looked for Godly counsel from my youth leader and then to my youth pastor, i told them that i was gonna wait till she was ready and to get more confirmation and they told me that I was doing things right. Also telling me that it was God speaking to me but not to just jump the gun on this. I also believed it was God speaking to me and i believed the passages and study. My faith was way up, i trusted it with my whole heart. Then on may 27th she told me she wanted to talk, i knew what was coming, she told me it didnt feel right. I asked her why and she told me because she saw me as to much of a brother/friend and she didnt want to lose that. My faith quivered and now a doubt remains in my heart if she is the one, shes always on my mind and all i want is the best for her.

Let's see if we can clear this up for you. Im here to give you godly council. Things are gonna be OK!

Ok here's the thing, there's this girl i like...around april i had told her that i liked her

Well, that's your problem dude. Why did you tell her around APRIL!?!? Geeez, you should have told her in private and left april home.

I asked her why and she told me because she saw me as to much of a brother/friend and she didnt want to lose that. My faith quivered and now a doubt remains in my heart if she is the one, shes always on my mind and all i want is the best for her.

Well, duh! You asker her in front of April. What did you expect?!?!

 

[Stratocaster]

Ok here's the thing, there's this girl i like...around april i had told her that i liked her and well she said she liked me and since i would have been her first boyfriend if we did start dating, she wanted to wait and see what God says. I told her that i would wait as long as she needs, and the next day after that i had prayed asking God if she was the one that i would marry, and in my quiet time(time where i get away from anyone and anything and just read God's word and praise Him) the first thing i got was Ephesians 5:22 which talks about marriage(this was also the last place i left off in my QT's and sadly i had not done in a while, mind that i did not know that it would be talking about marriage and this would have been the first time i've read it all). The next thing i got was, I went to church and the study that day was in 1 Corinthians 7 which also talks about marriage. So then i looked for Godly counsel from my youth leader and then to my youth pastor, i told them that i was gonna wait till she was ready and to get more confirmation and they told me that I was doing things right. Also telling me that it was God speaking to me but not to just jump the gun on this. I also believed it was God speaking to me and i believed the passages and study. My faith was way up, i trusted it with my whole heart. Then on may 27th she told me she wanted to talk, i knew what was coming, she told me it didnt feel right. I asked her why and she told me because she saw me as to much of a brother/friend and she didnt want to lose that. My faith quivered and now a doubt remains in my heart if she is the one, shes always on my mind and all i want is the best for her.



What do you think? How can I get rid of this doubt?

I had a very similar experience last year where I was adamantly seeking God's guidance and I was getting all kinds of crazy confirmations, and it just didn't work out in the end. My faith was shaken a ton. But what I came out with is that most of the time, if there's a possibility that it's not God speaking, then it's probably not God. I looked through the old and new testaments where God was speaking to people, and I counted the times that God spoke to people through "a strong feeling", "an inaudible whisper", and "randomly happening upon a relevant verse". It came out to exactly zero. Every time God spoke to someone, it was through a prophet, or a vivid dream, or an angel appearing to the person. God gives us the Word, and that's what we need to know for life. Apart from what it says in the Bible, there is no right or wrong direction our lives can take. Unless God speaks to you directly, and I believe He does to some people, then there is no guarantee except for the guarantee of being persecuted for our faith, and of salvation.

 

[latvianchick]

It is always good to pray. I know you have read a couple of Bible verses about marriage but I think you might be jumping the gun a bit and taking it a bit too fast. If you mentioned marriage to this girl before you have even been out together and given it time to get to know each other, I am not surprised that she is a bit wary.

I wonder too if it is just your wishful thinking that makes you think that God wants you to marry her.

And another thing. If God is saying this is the girl for you it does not necessarily mean immediately! So many things may happen in between times! It could be that you need to wait for a few years before God will bring you both into the same position where you can both agree to marry. Her turning you down may just be a blip and how you handle this will make a big difference. Be patient. If it is God's will and not just yours, it will happen.

 

[nomerhunks]

Focus in Him. She may feel unsure about herself and still waiting for a divine sign. Don't lose hope and doubt. If it's not meant for you then pray to God to show you the right person and if the time comes that you meet him, I'm pretty sure that you'll be overjoyed.