no one counts my tears
they are invisible to all
hidden in the solitude
hidden in the shadow
because no one can count
what they cannot see
so I'll hide my tears away
to be counted by only me
I think about the choices
and all that lies behind
and I don't let it define me
and I don't let it remain
but when I face tomorrow
and see what lies before
I really have no choice
but to wish for so much more
it seems to me that my mistakes
are just too big to ignore
and others can make many
and go on as they have done
but when I fail and fall
there are many to see it happen
and they are quick to let me know
and my spirit crush and dampen
no, no one counts my tears
as they fall from my eyes
and none can know my fears
as they eat me up inside
because I am so strong alone
and I stand without expression
to keep myself safe from harm
I've long ago learned my lesson
I wonder why I try to show
someone they never see
regardless of all I do and say
the real me is a failure to them
and the me that I am inside
remains locked away tight
so rejection is only surface
and there is a glimmer of light
no one counts my tears
except for God Himself
as He watches me break inside
and crumble beneath the guilt
the fear of condemnation
the fear of all the blame
knowing that it is justified
makes it hurt all the same
I am unworthy of the joy
that others seem to have
and unworthy to be a mom
or a wife or a friend
unworthy to be loved
to be accepted by anyone
because I am so selfish
my actions can't be undone
it is good that no one sees
the hurt that hides within
for then they'd know my weakness
and they'd find ways to hurt me more
or I would find ways to hurt them
with more selfish actions as is my way
no, it's better no one sees my tears
better they stay locked away
no one counts my tears
no one knows my heartache
no one knows the doubt
that plagues my very soul
no one hears me wonder
if I'm wrong in all this strife
because I know I don't deserve
all He has offered me in life
I want to run far away
but my failures would follow
and I wonder if I will ever
find freedom and joy in this life
maybe I can find some hope
or purpose even here
and then I can truly be free
of crying and worry and fear
no one counts my tears
it wouldn't matter anyway
they would still fall regardless
if anyone saw them falling
so I will try not to show
that I'm so very broken within
and maybe someday it'll be true
and I'll never be bound again
(c) 2013 Julie Ann Hephzibah Doolittle
December 12/23/13
they are invisible to all
hidden in the solitude
hidden in the shadow
because no one can count
what they cannot see
so I'll hide my tears away
to be counted by only me
I think about the choices
and all that lies behind
and I don't let it define me
and I don't let it remain
but when I face tomorrow
and see what lies before
I really have no choice
but to wish for so much more
it seems to me that my mistakes
are just too big to ignore
and others can make many
and go on as they have done
but when I fail and fall
there are many to see it happen
and they are quick to let me know
and my spirit crush and dampen
no, no one counts my tears
as they fall from my eyes
and none can know my fears
as they eat me up inside
because I am so strong alone
and I stand without expression
to keep myself safe from harm
I've long ago learned my lesson
I wonder why I try to show
someone they never see
regardless of all I do and say
the real me is a failure to them
and the me that I am inside
remains locked away tight
so rejection is only surface
and there is a glimmer of light
no one counts my tears
except for God Himself
as He watches me break inside
and crumble beneath the guilt
the fear of condemnation
the fear of all the blame
knowing that it is justified
makes it hurt all the same
I am unworthy of the joy
that others seem to have
and unworthy to be a mom
or a wife or a friend
unworthy to be loved
to be accepted by anyone
because I am so selfish
my actions can't be undone
it is good that no one sees
the hurt that hides within
for then they'd know my weakness
and they'd find ways to hurt me more
or I would find ways to hurt them
with more selfish actions as is my way
no, it's better no one sees my tears
better they stay locked away
no one counts my tears
no one knows my heartache
no one knows the doubt
that plagues my very soul
no one hears me wonder
if I'm wrong in all this strife
because I know I don't deserve
all He has offered me in life
I want to run far away
but my failures would follow
and I wonder if I will ever
find freedom and joy in this life
maybe I can find some hope
or purpose even here
and then I can truly be free
of crying and worry and fear
no one counts my tears
it wouldn't matter anyway
they would still fall regardless
if anyone saw them falling
so I will try not to show
that I'm so very broken within
and maybe someday it'll be true
and I'll never be bound again
(c) 2013 Julie Ann Hephzibah Doolittle
December 12/23/13
