J
When I awoke, I was in a bright large room, with a large window in front of me. The sun was shining. The door opened and I seen my mother and older sister walk in. My mother warned me not to tell anyone what went on in her house, they left. A short while later a man came into the room. He must have asked me questions, however, I do not remember what was said. [He must have been a pychiatrist] . The only other thing I remember is being in a [must have been a playroom] room with younger children. The nurse there told me I could be housemother, as I was the oldest.[ I did not want to be housemother, for I had been babysitting a womens 7 children and cleaning her house as well as cooking for them.they referred to me as there maid. I think the oldest was a little older then me. They did not talk to me much. I was paid ten dollars a week. I would give that to my mother].
At seventeen, I found myself standing on a balcony, on the 14th floor of an apartment building in Toronto. It was an apartment that a guy from home had jus rented. I was alone, for they had gone to get marawana .[when they cut my jactet off, it was found in my pocket. I had tried it when about 13 or 14 yrs old, did not like it much. I found out later a guy from home had come with me in the ambulance, and planted it in my pocket] . I did not want to live in this world anymore. I was always afraid of heights, however, that night I had no fear. All I knew was I wanted out of a world where there was nothing good in it for me, nor would there ever be. I looked down, the pole light seemed so small , everything was quiet, it was about 2:30 in the early morning. In this world their was no-one who would ever care about me, like me or ever love me.
I had been born into a family that didn't want anything to do with me. My mother telling my siblings she could'nt stand to look at my face, I made her sick. How she just wanted to grab me and do away with me. I guess I may have been able to handle that. When I was about 11 or twelve, the kids from my neibourhood where going on a hike . For the first time they included me. It was in the summer and it was a long walk up the south side. There was a pond , we were away from everything. There was about ten of us . When we got up there they grabbed me and stripped my clothes off, then threw me in a pond . They started laughing and splashing water at me. It seemed to go on for hours ;it was dark when they finnally lelf. Except for the oldest boy, who helped me out off the water. He then sexually assauted me, finnally relieving himself over me. I thought I was going to die that day[i should have] He let me get dressed. It was really dark and really late. He held my hand and started walking down over the mountian. There were large rocks, he held my hand I thought he now would kill me. And I did not care! I never told anyone what happened. There was no-one to tell
Around that time, or shortly after in grade seven, i met a girl in my class. She was pretty, popular and she let me hang around her. She had a boyfriend. I met her mother and her older sister Wavey.[ Wavey was a few yrs older then me, but we would later become good friends.]
At seventeen, I found myself standing on a balcony, on the 14th floor of an apartment building in Toronto. It was an apartment that a guy from home had jus rented. I was alone, for they had gone to get marawana .[when they cut my jactet off, it was found in my pocket. I had tried it when about 13 or 14 yrs old, did not like it much. I found out later a guy from home had come with me in the ambulance, and planted it in my pocket] . I did not want to live in this world anymore. I was always afraid of heights, however, that night I had no fear. All I knew was I wanted out of a world where there was nothing good in it for me, nor would there ever be. I looked down, the pole light seemed so small , everything was quiet, it was about 2:30 in the early morning. In this world their was no-one who would ever care about me, like me or ever love me.
I had been born into a family that didn't want anything to do with me. My mother telling my siblings she could'nt stand to look at my face, I made her sick. How she just wanted to grab me and do away with me. I guess I may have been able to handle that. When I was about 11 or twelve, the kids from my neibourhood where going on a hike . For the first time they included me. It was in the summer and it was a long walk up the south side. There was a pond , we were away from everything. There was about ten of us . When we got up there they grabbed me and stripped my clothes off, then threw me in a pond . They started laughing and splashing water at me. It seemed to go on for hours ;it was dark when they finnally lelf. Except for the oldest boy, who helped me out off the water. He then sexually assauted me, finnally relieving himself over me. I thought I was going to die that day[i should have] He let me get dressed. It was really dark and really late. He held my hand and started walking down over the mountian. There were large rocks, he held my hand I thought he now would kill me. And I did not care! I never told anyone what happened. There was no-one to tell
Around that time, or shortly after in grade seven, i met a girl in my class. She was pretty, popular and she let me hang around her. She had a boyfriend. I met her mother and her older sister Wavey.[ Wavey was a few yrs older then me, but we would later become good friends.]