other's disciplining your children

[joliechanson]

Hi. I had someone ask me the following question about child discipline, but i didn't quite know what the Biblical answer was. I wanted to make sure I didn't give her my opinion, but God's opinion. Here's the situation: "A babysitter is watching my son for me when my son starts throwing things around. How would my babysitter stop my son from throwing things?". Any biblical advice or scripture you can point me to would be greatly appreciated...or if nothing else, some practical, personal experience. thanks!

 

[christiancollegegirl]

My parents believed in 'spare the rod, spoil the child'. Anytime I deserved it, I got a swift, sharp smack to the butt. The rest of the family and babysitters had permission to spank us if we misbehaved. Thankfully, we were good kids and didn't need to get spanked too often.

 

[Abing]

Hi. I had someone ask me the following question about child discipline, but i didn't quite know what the Biblical answer was. I wanted to make sure I didn't give her my opinion, but God's opinion. Here's the situation: "A babysitter is watching my son for me when my son starts throwing things around. How would my babysitter stop my son from throwing things?". Any biblical advice or scripture you can point me to would be greatly appreciated...or if nothing else, some practical, personal experience. thanks!

hmm, i see your point, i dont have any biblical resources for that,

i know in the bible there are maid servants who take care of the children.. like moses?
he was put inside a basket and sailed all the way to the palace and when the hmm, daughter of the pharaoh?? (i guess it was the daughter of a pharaoh) saw him, and miriam (his sister) came in and volunteered to take care of the baby..well pharaoh's daughter dint know that miriam was the baby's sister..
..so yeah you know how it goes . technically, someone else dsciplined moses. as a child.

i dont think its biblical to let someone else discipline ur child, i dont think its biblical to not let ur child be disciplined by someone else either..

but like what my mom has always told me, if talking about .. say, your neighbor saw your child's fault, you wouldnt want them to discipline ur kid!

most people with proper etiquette, will tell u (the parent) about the child's fault they noticed (it's none of their business, yes, but what matters is the child).. they will tell YOU FIRST, and will let YOU discipline your child, cause you know your child better than them, ..

but most people who havent learned that, will go out shouting at your kid, .. THAT really humiliates a child and it affects the child terribly., (thats why most teens who grew up in that kind of life, are rebellious, cause they think NO ONE ever cared for them - they get that thought when they saw that you let them be humiliated by others), thats a disaster, we just don't ruin our relationship wth them, we ruin their lives!

and worse, if the others see your child being dsciplined by the others, they would have the feeling like - as f they have the right to change yor child, (when in the first place thats ur job!)..

 

[Just_Juice]

Hi Jolie Chanson,

Here are a few scriptures to help with the question of diciplining children... Pry on it and let the LORD lead you on council...
If you have any questions for understanding a verse, just ask!

Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Children are a blessing.
Mat 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.
Teach 'em to depend on Jesus.
Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
A babysitter is so appropriate and correction with a belt cause them to do whats right.
Pro 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Pro 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Pro 10:13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding.

Pro 26:3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.



God bless

 

[Kaitlin]

Quote: The rest of the family and babysitters had permission to spank us if we misbehaved.
Quote: A babysitter is so appropriate and correction with a belt cause them to do whats right

It is NOT biblical to spank other people's children. Spanking is a parental exercise, all passages in the Bible that talk about spanking is in a parent-child relationship. When other people spank children (babysitters, at schools), the act is removed from its context in the parent-child relationship.

I know at the Christian school where my boys go to that the children misbehaving get to sit with their arms crossed. Our boys' grandparents just tell our boys not to do that thing they are not allowed to do (and they obey them at that). I don't have any other experience with child discipline by other people than the parents.

I can recommend the book "Shepherding a child's heart" byTedd Tripp.

 

[imoss]

Hmmm I have a friend who does not believe in disciplining her children... they RUN the house and RUN wild. I allow them that when they are at their house but my children are to act respectful & follow my rules regardless of the lack of rules at the house we visit. When my gf children come to my home they know my rules apply... they have expectations and if they dont meet them I discipline them like i would my child. (BUT NEVER with a spank as their mom doesnt believe in that) why should my children be responsible to act in a certain way & for those rules not to apply to my friends children when in my home. I say no eating drinking in the living room (my friends home doesnt have a clean surface to sit on) I've had her daughter 3 throw her juice into my living room at which point we got a bucket... her kicking and screaming and a cloth and she had to help me clean it up. after that she wanted a drink and i told her she could have water as she lost her right to juice by throwing it in my living room. I told her i love her and next time if she stays at the table she can have juice and treats with the other kids but this time she has to have water. She now knows whats expected and ALWAYS toes the line. A spank isnt always necessary & i definitely dont think a BELT is EVER necessary... a hand to the butt occasionally but only when 3 warnings are deliberately ignored. also, the spank never exceeds 3 & is only EVER on the bottom. my mom had a belt... a firm hand works just fine. There are other ways for the babysitter to discipline the child... you carry them kicking and screaming to bed... take away their favorite things... time outs... and if all else fails and this continues incessantly... its time for mom to come home & deal with it in her way. Oh & btw i could tell my friend wasnt happy that i made her kid clean the carpet but guess what... her children LOVE coming to my home in spite of being responsible for their actions & having to clean up after themselves... go figure.

 

[littlelisa]

Please, it is hard enough to be spanked by parents...don't give others permission as well.

 

[Dragoon9]

I'm pretty tired, so this is going to be short

-Our two girls are 4 1/2 and 2 years old.
-Punishment, like God's curses, are meant to call our kids back to what is good.
-We do spank, but it is not our first response.
-We teach our kids that they are to obey authority (teachers, adults, etc), but if authority (inc us) tells them to do things counter to God's will, then they should not obey
-We would not allow others to spank them, but if they did something improper, we would ask the caregiver to tell us and we would spank if appropriate
-after any punishment or conflict, we rebuild relationship with hugs, words, actions (generally we try to conform to a structure of knowing the wrong, repentance/apology, affirmation/return to what is right, and then rebuilding/affirming relationship and love)

As to how I would advise a babysitter in dealing with a male child (depends on age of course, but yours sounds 5-6 years old);
1) stop the child with firm words, a gentle but firm grip on hands, a 'hug' that restrains motion... in that order as things escalate or don't work
2) make eye contact and wait for attention
3) gently but firmly deal with the action, wording things indirectly at first (addressing the action if done by others) and then refocussing it on them

Chip Woods does a decent book on what to expect and how to deal with children of various ages between 4-about 14.

If none of the above works, or then duct tape is very useful

 

[minnesotablu]

I am a nanny. I have been a nanny for 3 seperate families (over a course of 5 years), and cared for kids from ages 12 down to just 8 months old. This is what I have to say on the matter of discipline:

as a care-giver, i do not feel comfortable spanking other people's children--i dont know of any nanny that would! My first nanny job was with a family with three kids (ages 12, 8, and 7). They were old enough to know the rules, so dicipline consisted of time-outs in their rooms (for a time equivilent to their age)... Followed by an apology, and cleaning up/fixing their mistake.

My second job, was a nanny for 5 kids. Ages 6,5,4,2 and 8 months (when i started). It was a bit more of a challenge to correctly discipline these 5. haha. The parents gave me permission to spank their children when they mis-behaved. But this was very difficult for me. I gave them simple time-outs on the steps, if they continued the behavior, they got sent to their rooms (very rare). However, if they would play during nap time (already in their rooms) they recieved three warnings, and then I would lay them in bed one last time and give them a simple warning swat on the bum. (granted the two playing were 2 and 1 and still in diapers so they felt nothing! haha)

Finally, I am currently a nanny for 3 kids, ages 8, 6, and 2 1/2. Now I can relate more with the poster, because the youngest likes to bite, kick, and throw things. And he is not yet old enough to fully comprehend time-outs. Altho, he does understand the word "no". He likes to test me. He'll try biting, I'll hold his head back and say "no" so he'll pout, then come back 2 minutes later and try again. Haha.

When he gets really mad, he'll throw anything in his posession (generally a nookie, or sippy cup, or blanket... occasionally a toy). What usually happens is he throws it, I tell him "no" firmly. He'll yell back at me "no!" and throw something else. This is when I grab his hand and tell him "no throwing. naughty naughty" (he understands the command 'naughty naughty' best, as that's how he tells on his sisters ). He then throws himself on the ground, and pouts. After his tantrum is over, I guide him to the item he's thrown, and make him pick it up and put it away. If he throws it again, the item is taken away (this is highly effective especially when he's throwing nookies! haha). Finally, if he continues, he is taken to his room (usually in a fit of screams) and I'll put him on his bed, leave, and shut the door for 2 minutes. He cries the whole time. But comes out, and helps me pick up the mess he made. Since I have began working with him (back in October) these fits are becoming fewer and farther in between. He is learning, but it takes a lot of patience on my end.

You dont need physical discipline to teach a kid right from wrong. It does take a ton of patience though. Yelling makes things worse. If your sitter is unable to handle the throwing, I guess I'd just reccomend finding one that has the patience to take steps getting the child to behave. Also, it's the parent's responsibility to tell the sitter how to punish accordingly (and dont ask them to spank! That's hard on a sitter! Haha). Communication between parents and caregivers is key! The children will only learn if the parents and caregivers are consistant in giving the same type of punishment.

**granted, this is all opinionated and not based on anything biblical but c'mon! it's common sense. if the question asker wants her son to stop throwing things, she needs to tell the sitter what to do! the sitter isn't going to want to make a decision to discipline someone else's kid, especially since she probably wants to keep her job! Definitely dont expect someone else to spank your kids... that is a parent's decision whether or not they want to spank their own kids--sometimes kids learn best that way! (i hate to say it, but it's true). i recommend time-outs and taking things away. simple, yet effective! lol

 

[Baptistrw]

Hi Jolie Chanson,
Here are a few scriptures to help with the question of diciplining children... Pry on it and let the LORD lead you on council...
If you have any questions for understanding a verse, just ask!

Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Children are a blessing.
Mat 19:14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.
Teach 'em to depend on Jesus.
Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
A babysitter is so appropriate and correction with a belt cause them to do whats right.
Pro 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Pro 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Pro 10:13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding.

Pro 26:3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.



God bless

Spanking is a good and appropriate method of discipline as these scriptures indicate. If the babysitter is ok with spanking the kids, there should be no problems.