N
Nocturnus
Guest
God blessed me with inteligence and he blessed me with much more:
But I couldn't see his blessings until I threw opened the door.
I stood tall like the mountains and walked in my silent, selfish pride:
Never bothering to ask if it was true that Jesus died.
I coldly scorned his people, then I loudly mocked his name:
And I did it all with laughter, and with no regret or shame.
yet here I am today, humbly writing to you all:
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
I trusted soly in my self, then suffered for my sin:
And waiting outside was God, knocking gently to come in.
He wanted to change me, to make me one of his own:
To show me a life that without him, I never could have known.
Today you can make a choice, a decision to not run from the truth:
You can save yourself from the trouble that has plagued both elderly and youth.
So many have died already, not really knowing why they lived:
yet Jesus tried to save them, a salvation only he can give.
He willingly came to die for every one of all our wrongs:
to rise again and bring you to his side where you belong.
He wants you to believe, to see his truth and gracious love:
He'll guide you to the father, and to joy that lyes above.
Just turn to him; confess your sin; give up your wretched ways:
Then stand with Jesus; stand with God, our god who always saves.
This simple bit of writing is the story of many lives, of many people who have believed in their own works, their own abilities and who care very little for the concept of salvation, who will willingly admit that they are not perfect but do not believe in a god because it is easier to remain woefully ignorant and naive than it is to seek the truth. A british preacher named Charles H. Spurgeon once stated, ”I am persuaded that men think there is no God because they wish there were none. They find it hard to believe in God, and to go on in sin, so they try to get an easy conscience by denying His existence.”
Such was my story. While on the outside I was in appearance a humble person who accepted praise and congratulations with thanks, inside I built my case against God, believing that I alone held the keys to my life and everything that became of it. Interestingly enough, when the subject of God would arise in conversations I asked all of the right questions for all of the wrong reasons. I knew my knowledge, my reasoning, my inteligence would be hard to argue with. I wanted to shut up those who believed, those who said that God was the only way. I wanted to hurt them because their statements seemed unfair, unreal, untrue and impossible.
Then my mother became a Christian. What was I to do when she shared the fruits of her faith with me? how could I possibly bring myself to hurt my mother? I told her simply that I was happy for her that she had found something she believed in and that I admired her for standing firm in what seemed to me like a ridiculous belief. She and one of my uncles kept after me, asking me to attend various church services with them. I saw this as an annoyance more than anything else, looking for any excuse and sometimes outright lying to them about why I wouldn't instead of simply stating I didn't want to go and risk hurting their feelings.
Everything came tumbling down in my life at long last however, first with my relationship ending after 7 years, 7 years I had considered some of the best and full of the happiest moments of my life. The collapse of that relationship somehow became a reason for every friend we developed in that time period to take sides. It still amazes me how people simply seem to want to hear the worst of others every time such things are available, perhaps to be glad that they themselves are not like the person they are hearing of. I decided early on that if things ended up like this I would not bother arguing, not bother to try and tell the truth from my perspective unless people asked me for it. No one did.
the solitude that followed literally threw me on the floor. The questions that came after were even more frightening. Why live like this? Why build only to have that which you built torn down in a matter of minutes? Why try again? If life is pointless then all of our actions are simply a pile of distractions that hide us from that fact; why keep on trying if this is true? If life has a purpose, happiness could not be that purpose because if it were and if it were simply an act of humanity that could be achieved then every human would be happy, for every human desires happiness, yet depression, frustration, anger and outrage and general unrest and unhappiness seem to be on the rise.
Why the suffering? Why the evils of this world? Why the senseless death of millions? Why the starvation of innocent men, women and young children who have done nothing to the world, while billions are spent on military opperations and space exploration and useless surveys and false, selfish advertising?
The month that lead up to my salvation went on like this. Never in my life had I asked for something it would hurt to lose, something I felt was greater than myself, and yet I had had such a thing and lost it, which left me with an emptiness I knew no conversation or counseling could fill, a truth that was still more frightening. I did the only thing I could do, the only thing that made any sense at that point; I turned to God. The people I had previously scorned were the people I was now turning to for forgiveness. the place I had never wanted to go to because I didn't believe in its teachins was the place I was at without hesitation. The book I had previously believed to be so full of contradictions I could not see how any person could live by, turned into the first book I ever bought and the only thing I felt I had to hold that meant anything in life.
It is all of these things that have allowed me to write this poem. I take no pride in it for when I look at it I see the error of my ways staring back at me, but holds the truth in which I rejoice, the truth of our never changing, everlasting and awesome god.
Journalist Malcom Muggeridge once wrote about the many things he had seen, of the great men who in his lifetime had boasted of power and who had been propelled to positions of authority, men who commanded massive armies to accomplish great, terrible things.
"I’ve heard a crazed, cracked Austrian proclaim to the world the establishment of a German Reich that would last for a thousand years; an Italian clown announce he would restart the calendar to begin with his own assumption of power; a murderous Georgian brigand in the Kremlin acclaimed by the intellectual elite of the western world as wiser than Solomon, more enlightened than Asoka, more humane than Marcus Aurelius. I’ve seen America wealthier and in terms of military weaponry more powerful than all the rest of the world put together, so that Americans, had they so wished, could have outdone an Alexander or a Julius Caesar in the range and scale of their conquests.
All in one little lifetime. All gone with the wind."
Where are we now? Only decades later, Hitler and Mussolini are viewed in infamy and disgust, Stalin is an unspeakable name in the regime he helped to found and dominate for a fair amount of years, and America is haunted by economic struggle and turmoil, it's people afraid of the very government they are supposed to control, terrified about the amount of information that has been collected. All of this in one lifetime, all in one lifetime, all gone. Gone with the wind.
Our God has not changed. he has not withdrawn his gift of salvation, a gift that was offered thousands of years ago and has not been crushed by opposition. No man or woman, no king or queen, no great person or the empire he or she has founded, no teaching or massive amount of knowledge brought forth by youth or elderly, no work to disprove the nonexistence of our creator and to try and establish itself as the greater institution, no matter of anger or furstration or other negative emotion has succeeded in destroying the greatness of our father in heaven. Neither have any of these managed to destroy the truth of our lord, the lord of lords and king of kings, the matchless name above all other names of Jesus Christ.
But I couldn't see his blessings until I threw opened the door.
I stood tall like the mountains and walked in my silent, selfish pride:
Never bothering to ask if it was true that Jesus died.
I coldly scorned his people, then I loudly mocked his name:
And I did it all with laughter, and with no regret or shame.
yet here I am today, humbly writing to you all:
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
I trusted soly in my self, then suffered for my sin:
And waiting outside was God, knocking gently to come in.
He wanted to change me, to make me one of his own:
To show me a life that without him, I never could have known.
Today you can make a choice, a decision to not run from the truth:
You can save yourself from the trouble that has plagued both elderly and youth.
So many have died already, not really knowing why they lived:
yet Jesus tried to save them, a salvation only he can give.
He willingly came to die for every one of all our wrongs:
to rise again and bring you to his side where you belong.
He wants you to believe, to see his truth and gracious love:
He'll guide you to the father, and to joy that lyes above.
Just turn to him; confess your sin; give up your wretched ways:
Then stand with Jesus; stand with God, our god who always saves.
This simple bit of writing is the story of many lives, of many people who have believed in their own works, their own abilities and who care very little for the concept of salvation, who will willingly admit that they are not perfect but do not believe in a god because it is easier to remain woefully ignorant and naive than it is to seek the truth. A british preacher named Charles H. Spurgeon once stated, ”I am persuaded that men think there is no God because they wish there were none. They find it hard to believe in God, and to go on in sin, so they try to get an easy conscience by denying His existence.”
Such was my story. While on the outside I was in appearance a humble person who accepted praise and congratulations with thanks, inside I built my case against God, believing that I alone held the keys to my life and everything that became of it. Interestingly enough, when the subject of God would arise in conversations I asked all of the right questions for all of the wrong reasons. I knew my knowledge, my reasoning, my inteligence would be hard to argue with. I wanted to shut up those who believed, those who said that God was the only way. I wanted to hurt them because their statements seemed unfair, unreal, untrue and impossible.
Then my mother became a Christian. What was I to do when she shared the fruits of her faith with me? how could I possibly bring myself to hurt my mother? I told her simply that I was happy for her that she had found something she believed in and that I admired her for standing firm in what seemed to me like a ridiculous belief. She and one of my uncles kept after me, asking me to attend various church services with them. I saw this as an annoyance more than anything else, looking for any excuse and sometimes outright lying to them about why I wouldn't instead of simply stating I didn't want to go and risk hurting their feelings.
Everything came tumbling down in my life at long last however, first with my relationship ending after 7 years, 7 years I had considered some of the best and full of the happiest moments of my life. The collapse of that relationship somehow became a reason for every friend we developed in that time period to take sides. It still amazes me how people simply seem to want to hear the worst of others every time such things are available, perhaps to be glad that they themselves are not like the person they are hearing of. I decided early on that if things ended up like this I would not bother arguing, not bother to try and tell the truth from my perspective unless people asked me for it. No one did.
the solitude that followed literally threw me on the floor. The questions that came after were even more frightening. Why live like this? Why build only to have that which you built torn down in a matter of minutes? Why try again? If life is pointless then all of our actions are simply a pile of distractions that hide us from that fact; why keep on trying if this is true? If life has a purpose, happiness could not be that purpose because if it were and if it were simply an act of humanity that could be achieved then every human would be happy, for every human desires happiness, yet depression, frustration, anger and outrage and general unrest and unhappiness seem to be on the rise.
Why the suffering? Why the evils of this world? Why the senseless death of millions? Why the starvation of innocent men, women and young children who have done nothing to the world, while billions are spent on military opperations and space exploration and useless surveys and false, selfish advertising?
The month that lead up to my salvation went on like this. Never in my life had I asked for something it would hurt to lose, something I felt was greater than myself, and yet I had had such a thing and lost it, which left me with an emptiness I knew no conversation or counseling could fill, a truth that was still more frightening. I did the only thing I could do, the only thing that made any sense at that point; I turned to God. The people I had previously scorned were the people I was now turning to for forgiveness. the place I had never wanted to go to because I didn't believe in its teachins was the place I was at without hesitation. The book I had previously believed to be so full of contradictions I could not see how any person could live by, turned into the first book I ever bought and the only thing I felt I had to hold that meant anything in life.
It is all of these things that have allowed me to write this poem. I take no pride in it for when I look at it I see the error of my ways staring back at me, but holds the truth in which I rejoice, the truth of our never changing, everlasting and awesome god.
Journalist Malcom Muggeridge once wrote about the many things he had seen, of the great men who in his lifetime had boasted of power and who had been propelled to positions of authority, men who commanded massive armies to accomplish great, terrible things.
"I’ve heard a crazed, cracked Austrian proclaim to the world the establishment of a German Reich that would last for a thousand years; an Italian clown announce he would restart the calendar to begin with his own assumption of power; a murderous Georgian brigand in the Kremlin acclaimed by the intellectual elite of the western world as wiser than Solomon, more enlightened than Asoka, more humane than Marcus Aurelius. I’ve seen America wealthier and in terms of military weaponry more powerful than all the rest of the world put together, so that Americans, had they so wished, could have outdone an Alexander or a Julius Caesar in the range and scale of their conquests.
All in one little lifetime. All gone with the wind."
Where are we now? Only decades later, Hitler and Mussolini are viewed in infamy and disgust, Stalin is an unspeakable name in the regime he helped to found and dominate for a fair amount of years, and America is haunted by economic struggle and turmoil, it's people afraid of the very government they are supposed to control, terrified about the amount of information that has been collected. All of this in one lifetime, all in one lifetime, all gone. Gone with the wind.
Our God has not changed. he has not withdrawn his gift of salvation, a gift that was offered thousands of years ago and has not been crushed by opposition. No man or woman, no king or queen, no great person or the empire he or she has founded, no teaching or massive amount of knowledge brought forth by youth or elderly, no work to disprove the nonexistence of our creator and to try and establish itself as the greater institution, no matter of anger or furstration or other negative emotion has succeeded in destroying the greatness of our father in heaven. Neither have any of these managed to destroy the truth of our lord, the lord of lords and king of kings, the matchless name above all other names of Jesus Christ.