Patience and sadness

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Jordache

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I grew up unable to express most emotions. In order to protect myself from many things I learned not to feel. I've been in counseling for a little over a year now and it's done wonders, but that story is for the testimony forum. I'm working on intregrating since due to a severely abusive childhood Im pretty split, though short of multiple personalities. I have a good support system and I notice I get rather desperate sometimes. It took me a while to figure out what those times are, and I realized tha they occur when I am sad. Now, I don't always clobber people when I'm sad, but my first instinct is desperation because I don't realize I'm just sad. So the prayer request is this. I've had to learn that emotions won't kill me. Disappointment and anger and fear and shame will not be the death of me. But I haven't gotten to that point with sadness. I really just don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to say or how to handle it. I have a lot of joy, but since my dad died and my mom stopped speaking to me, and a whole lot of other things, sadness is my overwhelming negative emotion.
The other thing I've been learning is patience. I'm a doer and a go-getter. While I know I'm not stagnant, I feel like I am. I like to plan for the future, and right now I have no future to plan. I've been amidst a divorce with my husband for a while now. My husband recently decided he wanted to work things out though he hasn't spoken to me since december of last year. He SAYS a lot of stuff, but I have to see if action follows. It all feels like emotional whiplash. I want to hope, but I don't know what to hope in. I don't want a divorce, but it feels like the best option much of the time. I wish I could dream again, but I don't know what to dream anymore.
Please dont make this some theological debate on marriage. This decision has not gone without lots of prayer and counsel.
 
I prayed for you. You say you want to hope but you don't know what to hope in. Have hope that you're relationship with your husband would come to a peaceful conclusion, whether that be with you or not--that it be for God's praise. And hope for your boundless future with God. You say you want to dream again but you don't know what to dream for. Dream for peace and comfort with God forever amen. May God bless you and give you His gentle mercies.
 
Hugs Jordache, you are always and continue to be in my prayers in Jesus.
I know you are in Jesus, the delight God created you to be! :)

God bless
pickles
 
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5

Jordache, I thought of this while praying for you. Often I've wondered if I want to jump straight to hope (well, in all honesty, that's exactly what I wanted :( ), when God says other things come first.
I pray you will hold fast during this tribulation, and I thank the Lord for your doing so already!! :)
And as you've seen hope arrive in other situations pertaining to your life, I trust the Lord to take you all the way there in this situation, too.
"the love of God has been poured out within [your] heart..."...
just wanted you to know it shows. ♥

~ellie
 
Jordache please know u r in my prayers I suffered from depression for many yrs 1992-2007 before I realized I needed to take control of my depression. I was hospitalized twice, on several anti depressants went through counseling was unable to work, pretty much feared everything and everybody. My depression only worsened after in was in an automobile accident in 2002, but through the grace of God I learned to control my depression. I am happy to say today I no longer seek counseling, I am no longer on anti depressants. When I have a problem I turn to God I seek christian friends to talk to , that's why I joined cc. I will be praying that God gives you the strength and courage you need to face your demons and over come your mental health issues. I'm always here if you want to message me in my inbox and we can help each other, God Bless
 
Isa 12:2 Behold, God [is] my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH [is] my strength and [my] song; he also is become my salvation.

Praying for you, bless you.
 
I'm honestly not depressed. I haven't been on any antidepressants for months. I've been in therapy for over a year; but I'm not depressed.
 
well that's great then i will continue to pray for you that God will provide you with what you need and remember i am here should you feel the need to inbox me God Bless
 
God knows you heart and mind...
He knows every step that has led you to today.
May God be with you mind, body and spirit...
In Jesus Name, Amen
 
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