There is nothing I can say that may make you feel better. We get closer to Jesus trough suffering. Reading the bible is good, but prayer is more powerful. You must calm your anxious heart. Give your suffering to Christ, He wants to carry it for you. When you pray, meditate in the passion of Christ. It is there that he took all our sufferings. Let God guide you trough this troubled times. Do not listen to what society says you should do. Listen to what God says. Have faith in Him, you know many times something does not make sense but after some time you can see how blessed you had been. This too will be a blessing someday if you just let Christ carry this burden. Pray, Pray and when you are done, pray some more. God bless!