Possible Family Strife

[proverbs31woman29]

I noticed that my uncle posted something about me on my facebook page that was clearly intended to humiliate me. While there is nothing sinful about the information, it is definitely something I am embarrassed about and only share with those I deeply trust. My uncle (who is 5 years older than me) has a history of bullying me since we were children. It's bad when it happens as children; it's intolerable when it happens as adults. Because I feel like he went too far, I wrote him a note explaining that my business is my business, that while he may think that bullying is cute, I will no longer tolerate it and that he needs to grow up. I felt better because I spoke up for myself.

However, my family is one of those that likes to preserve the status quo. Meaning, if you were bullied and you started becoming assertive and stand up for yourself, the guilt trips start flying in to make you back down. I am a lot more assertive now than I was years ago, so I sort of anticipate this happening. This is especially since I feel like over the past 5 years or so, there has been some distance between myself and my family already. Am I overreacting over this? If there is even further distance between my family and I because of what I said to my uncle, how do I cope?

 

[Lucy68]

I noticed that my uncle posted something about me on my facebook page that was clearly intended to humiliate me. While there is nothing sinful about the information, it is definitely something I am embarrassed about and only share with those I deeply trust. My uncle (who is 5 years older than me) has a history of bullying me since we were children. It's bad when it happens as children; it's intolerable when it happens as adults. Because I feel like he went too far, I wrote him a note explaining that my business is my business, that while he may think that bullying is cute, I will no longer tolerate it and that he needs to grow up. I felt better because I spoke up for myself.

However, my family is one of those that likes to preserve the status quo. Meaning, if you were bullied and you started becoming assertive and stand up for yourself, the guilt trips start flying in to make you back down. I am a lot more assertive now than I was years ago, so I sort of anticipate this happening. This is especially since I feel like over the past 5 years or so, there has been some distance between myself and my family already. Am I overreacting over this? If there is even further distance between my family and I because of what I said to my uncle, how do I cope?

Wow, I can relate to this, unfortunately. My dad is a bully and has infected this disease on my siblings. When my husband and I became Christians, the ridicule skyrocketed. We are now the 'jokes of the family'.

My dad's health is terrible and I recently had to stay with him while my mom went on a much needed vacation. He started talking to me like I was trash and finally I stood up for myself and told him to stop talking to me like that. He has always thought that he can talk to his children any way he wanted to simply because we were his children. And then he tries to make ME feel guilty for taking up for myself and refusing to be 'bullied'. The childhood memories of verbal and emotional abuse were reinforced at this time. It's been a month and I still wrestle with the misery that spending a week with him has caused me.

I've taken it to the Lord and asked for help in how to heal from this hurt and how to protect myself from my family's ridicule. I sure wish fathers didn't have such an influence on their daughters (at least in cases like mine). Self-image can become a major problem.

Anyway, this may not be your situation but in the case of family bullying, I wonder if polite, emotional DISTANCE is maybe the only solution. We can't change people and we can't choose our family, but we can protect ourselves from irrational, rude people...whether they be family, acquaintances, or co-workers. Yes, we need to forgive but that doesn't mean we have to subject ourselves to their abuse.

Facebook has some good points but a disadvantage is that EVERYTHING is shared. Probably more than should be shared. Bullying becomes so easy because it's easier to be rude and get away with it. If it's really bothering you, maybe ending your facebook account would bring you peace. Or just not using it for awhile....that will give him time to lose interest in getting you riled up. Some people are just bored and get their entertainment from stirring up trouble.

Sometimes, the more you try to defend yourself, the worse the attacks become .

Praying for strength and guidance for you....remember to look to the Lord for your 'validation' and no one else .

 

[kenisyes]

I have found that Matt. 18:15ff, works fine for family members, too.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Family chaos can be difficult to deal with. I feel your pain. My only suggestion is that sometimes less is more in the sense that the less you feed the monster, the less power it has. Find a Christian codependence support group. They'll support you through it. Peace.

I noticed that my uncle posted something about me on my facebook page that was clearly intended to humiliate me. While there is nothing sinful about the information, it is definitely something I am embarrassed about and only share with those I deeply trust. My uncle (who is 5 years older than me) has a history of bullying me since we were children. It's bad when it happens as children; it's intolerable when it happens as adults. Because I feel like he went too far, I wrote him a note explaining that my business is my business, that while he may think that bullying is cute, I will no longer tolerate it and that he needs to grow up. I felt better because I spoke up for myself.

However, my family is one of those that likes to preserve the status quo. Meaning, if you were bullied and you started becoming assertive and stand up for yourself, the guilt trips start flying in to make you back down. I am a lot more assertive now than I was years ago, so I sort of anticipate this happening. This is especially since I feel like over the past 5 years or so, there has been some distance between myself and my family already. Am I overreacting over this? If there is even further distance between my family and I because of what I said to my uncle, how do I cope?

 

[happyinhisway]

Hard to say it but Jesus said it best when the disciples came to him telling him his brothers and mother were outside the house looking for him.
Matthew 12:46-50 (YLT)
46 And while he was yet speaking to the multitudes, lo, his mother and brethren had stood without, seeking to speak to him,
47 and one said to him, `Lo, thy mother and thy brethren do stand without, seeking to speak to thee.'
48 And he answering said to him who spake to him, `Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?'
49 And having stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, he said, `Lo, my mother and my brethren!
50 for whoever may do the will of my Father who is in the heavens, he is my brother, and sister, and mother.'

Not to say that you need to complete;y seperateyour self from your family, but LOVE them from a distance. For the family is supost to support you and help you better your self. Be there for you in times of need and help you get up when you fall. Not to knock you down when you finnaly get on your own two feet.

The suggestion to go to the church is a good one, but do you have a church member that you can fully trust on them not to start gssoping about what you tell them? If so them by all means seek that help. Maybe you have best frined that you can trully confide on, and that may be your best sollution.

Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV)
24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Now remember that we will never have a better friend then Jesus Christ him self, so before all take it to him in prayer. Please
Hope all gets resolved for you specially as we come to this Holyday season

 

[abair]

I wrote him a note explaining that my business is my business, that while he may think that bullying is cute, I will no longer tolerate it and that he needs to grow up.

this words not sanding up for yourself then what the hell with word"bullying" don not even try think of use it again

"note" you must be Kidding you said he been pain in the axx since you a child you need war in facebook against him

"what happen in public solve in public" then for God sake use real words like you are 29

it easier when he is from your family

if you were bullied and you started becoming assertive and stand up for yourself, the guilt trips start flying in to make you back down

the reality say this theory is for chicken who can stay in their nest when the asshole start moving in their area

like over the past 5 years or so, there has been some distance between myself and my family already. Am I overreacting over this?

yes you overreacting this distance called "space" between adults it is the Tax of having opinion of their own

If there is even further distance between my family and I because of what I said to my uncle, how do I cope?

you will cope when they respect you

do not make your uncle walk all over you he just 5 years old you should even call him uncle

who want everyone like him usually he been walked over him

 

[BrittanyJones]

Bullies don't like when their victims stick up for themselves, so yeah they are gonna do their best to squash that. I like what kenisyes said, I even looked up the passage, it's clear you don't have to associate with people who continue to wrong you.

Also *hugs* totally understand how you feel. Distance from the abusers and time alone with God creates strength and healing <3

 

[Christine11]

I noticed that my uncle posted something about me on my facebook page that was clearly intended to humiliate me. While there is nothing sinful about the information, it is definitely something I am embarrassed about and only share with those I deeply trust. My uncle (who is 5 years older than me) has a history of bullying me since we were children. It's bad when it happens as children; it's intolerable when it happens as adults. Because I feel like he went too far, I wrote him a note explaining that my business is my business, that while he may think that bullying is cute, I will no longer tolerate it and that he needs to grow up. I felt better because I spoke up for myself.

However, my family is one of those that likes to preserve the status quo. Meaning, if you were bullied and you started becoming assertive and stand up for yourself, the guilt trips start flying in to make you back down. I am a lot more assertive now than I was years ago, so I sort of anticipate this happening. This is especially since I feel like over the past 5 years or so, there has been some distance between myself and my family already. Am I overreacting over this? If there is even further distance between my family and I because of what I said to my uncle, how do I cope?

I can relate. I stood up for myself FINALLY to a family member today. He did not like it at all. I don't care. I finally feel better, as he was always criticizing me and putting me down.

I was in a similar situation on fb. I felt like certain family members on there "chased" me away, taking underhanded jabs at me. I left fb. It felt bad at first, and I felt like a loser that allowed them to force me out, BUT, I am better off. Some people have no problems on fb, but it is my personal opinion, that it seems that more harm than good comes out of it. It felt like a bad place. I will pray for you and that God leads you in the right direction. I hope the guilt leaves you for standing up for yourself also.

 

[RedTent]

It really isn’t important what anyone says about you, it is important what you tell yourself. God says us think on the things that are true and of good report. No one has a right to try to change who you are as God created you to be, even parents.

Just think of the gossip Jesus had to put up with when he lived with us as a man.

 

[chuinchoy]

in my opinion, you have done nothing wrong. You did what is right. However, i think you need to be in good relationship with your family. in spite of all this, try to be loving to them. When you are in need, it is only your family would be there for you. Keep up the good work, God bless.

 

[violakat]

To the OP:

One of the simplest solutions is to simply delete him from your friends list and then block him, so he can no longer see what you say or vice verse. If a family member brings up things he's saying about you, simply state that you don't want to hear it. If they continue, either walk away, or, if it's posted on FB, delete the post. Eventually, the uncle will realize he no longer has control over you and can no longer effect you. It also sends a clear message to the family that you do not hold any value into what the uncle says. If, after sometime, they continue to press you on this issue, continue to try and make you feel guilty, you may have to distance yourself for a time, just to maintain your sanity. It's hard, I know, but sometimes, the only way to get through to others is to just walk away from them completely, and let them wallow in their own mud.