Problem with brother in law

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Mike_ca

Guest
#1
#1
Hey guys, I am looking for some advice. I am currently struggling with my brother in laws attitude. He leads worship on Sunday mornings in our little church on the prairies. He almost always talks about how much God means in his life but when push comes to shove he doesn't turn to God for strength. He runs to the nearest bar. He told me the other day now that his support people are back things should get better. Shouldn't he be running to God for support and not relying on people to keep him sober? Every time a bad thing happens in his life he runs to a bottle. We just recently found out that his father has cancer, my brother in law started drinking. He found out that his son is being raised by his grandmother because the mother of the child is a drunk, my brother in law bought a large bottle of booze to drown his sorrows. I feel that he is be very hypocritical and I couldn't even sit in the sanctuary this morning while he was singing. I know I have to forgive him and try to help him through the rough patches but sometimes he says one thing and completely turns around and does the exact opposite of what he should be doing. Help, what am I supposed to do? I know it is my problem but it has gotten to the point that I took my guitars to church this morning so we could have some music to worship to. I was sure that he would not show up, I have had to just about cut ties with him because my kids are scared of him when he is drunk. Now, with mom visiting dad in the hospital most of the time he seems to drink until he passes out and then when he regains consciousness he begins again. I can't take it anymore.
 
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piper27

Guest
#2
#2
You have a complex issue here. When it comes to ministering in a church (leading worship) its a whole area I dont have an opinion.

When it comes to the issue of your b-in-law and his alcohol abuse, I have some opinions.
Alcohol abuse is always a family issue - he most likely wont be able to complete recovery without the support of his family, and extended family.

Forgiveness, is not enabling. So knowing the difference is important. Alcoholism is extremely confusing and painful for everyone, including the imbiber. Its also important to note, that despite some bravado that he is probably displaying, he KNOWS whats happening and is terrified. He needs real help, not judgement. This is a tough job. Is there any way you can lovingly confront him, and bring him to the help he desperately needs?
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#3
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#3
Definitely support him as much as you can and witness to him about finding strength in Jesus. You know, some people can talk a good talk but it's their walk that speaks volumes. Jesus said we would know whether or not a person was following Him by the fruit that person bears.

Your bil obviously needs help. He should not be leading a church. I would not attend a church if it was being led by such a person. I would feel like I was enabling, or helping, the person in their sin. What about the other leaders or elders in your church? Actually, they should be taking action. It's not right to allow this to happen in the church....especially from the pastor.

The people in the pews will think that if it's ok for the pastor to get drunk and disorderly, then it must be ok for his congregation too. Something must be done. Can you talk to the elders/leaders ? Probably other people also know about his drinking problem. I don't think the Holy Spirit will be acting in a church that allows blatant sin to occur...especially from someone pretending to be speaking for Him.

Praying for you...wisdom,guidance, gentleness...may the Spirit lead you and others to know how to confront this problem. And praying that your bil will realize his sin and repent. Alcohol is an addiction; hopefully he will get help with it.

It might be tempting to just leave and attend another church. But I think God calls us to try to help each other and not ignore unpleasant things. It takes a lot of courage to confront, but through prayer and repenting of our own sins first, we can be strengthened enough to show this type of love....it says a lot about Christian character.
 
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