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romans1212

Guest
#1
#1
Hey everyone! I was just wondering about something...do you guys think it is ok for a girl to "pursue" a guy? Like, is it ok for a girl to ask a guy if he likes her? Or how he feels about her? I don't really think girls should ask guys out or anything, but I didn't know if that included also just finding out if he is interested. Should girls just sit back and wait for the guy to pursue her or make the first move? I was just wondering what other people thought about this!!! :)
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#3
#3
I've never been comfortable with pursuing men. I've found that the best thing is to pay a little extra attention to that special guy in some way to let him know you're interested..subtle, but not TOO subtle. Then, he'll either take the hint and make the first move or not. If not, maybe another hint might help. :)

Seems like, when a woman pursues a guy, she oftentimes ends up in a situation she regrets, you know?

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned. :)
 
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Jennifleur

Guest
#4
#4
I would rather be pursued. For one thing, I'm not all that bold. But, beyond that, it just doesn't feel right or natural for me to pursue a guy. I wish I could offer more insight into why I think that way, but that's all I've got, lol.
 
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fallstallion

Guest
#5
#5
I think it is ok to persue. As long as one does not smother.
 
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sportygirl

Guest
#6
#6
I think it depends. For me I know Im not comfortable asking the guy I like if hes interested in me although I have friends (mostly non-christians) that think I should just be like hey I like you. I can't do it though, I care for him alot and I do flirt and I do talk to him alot and show my interest in him by casually inviting him to stuff, (always group stuff). I think its a choice though if you feel comfortable asking him then go for it, I just know I wouldnt be.
 
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jangel

Senior Member
#7
May 12, 2010
487
2
0
#7
Normally guys will say they don’t like the girl to pursue them, and I have never tried it also but we all know there are a lot of guys who can’t say what they feel to a girl, so for me if you really like this guy I don’t think it would make you any less just by saying I like you but that’s it for me no more no less and let the guy do the next move if he will. I like someone in our church and since college we’ve been telling each other what’s going on with us (but he’s engaged now ) , we’ve got a chance to be together at my cousin’s wedding 2 years ago out of our conversation he just said I should be that girl I just didn’t give him a chance, just imagine how I felt at that time and asking myself when did he ask coz I can’t remember that he did. If I was just brave enough to say to him what I feel it could have been my love story---lol.
 
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Stephanie

Guest
#8
#8
I believe that it's unbiblical for a woman to persue a man, and that includes finding out how he feels about her. Men and women are designed so that men are the leaders and women take their ques from their men. Therefore, any type of leading in the relationship should be from the man. If you ask a guy how he feels about you, you're still taking the leadership role.

A lot of people, guys especially, will say guy have it rough. But waiting is torture. I believe it's biblical though.
 
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jangel

Senior Member
#9
May 12, 2010
487
2
0
#9
Stephanie said:
I believe that it's unbiblical for a woman to persue a man, and that includes finding out how he feels about her. Men and women are designed so that men are the leaders and women take their ques from their men. Therefore, any type of leading in the relationship should be from the man. If you ask a guy how he feels about you, you're still taking the leadership role.

A lot of people, guys especially, will say guy have it rough. But waiting is torture. I believe it's biblical though.
Click to expand...

I agree that women should have full submission to men,but this doesn't apply in all cases especially for men who are abusing women. I have to disagree though that by just telling a guy how you feel is taking the leadership. I only knew one verse about this [FONT=&quot] Proverb 27:5 [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Better is open rebuke than hidden love. I guess this apply to everyone. [/FONT]
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#10
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#10
romans1212 said:
Hey everyone! I was just wondering about something...do you guys think it is ok for a girl to "pursue" a guy? Like, is it ok for a girl to ask a guy if he likes her? Or how he feels about her? I don't really think girls should ask guys out or anything, but I didn't know if that included also just finding out if he is interested. Should girls just sit back and wait for the guy to pursue her or make the first move? I was just wondering what other people thought about this!!! :)
Click to expand...
If you like a fellow, it would seem unwise to me that you ignore him.
 
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DABEARS85

Guest
#11
#11
Well... I get pursued by girls a lot... and I know that sounds a lot like ChristianGuru, and I sound awfully conceited by saying that... I'm not trying to be or anything close to that... I'm just trying to give a perspective here... but anyways... girls tend to pursue me a lot... ok...

Well, I find it okay.. I mean I'm sort of used to it... but... I also find it unattractive. A girl really shouldn't be pursuing the guy, at least not beyond a little bit of introduction and possibly "hey how are you doing lately?" type of deal. Don't chase the guy nonstop to where you are ALWAYS calling him first, texting him first, whatevering him first. You need to make him chase you back, or he obviously isn't very interested... and you only make him less interested by pursuing so much. It's a huge push/pull game honestly... but... everyone wants what they cant have... and the more you give yourself on a silver platter, the less someone will want you for it. There are obvious cases where this rule doesn't apply, but I think it's standard enough to mention here. Make sure they chase you back. Don't be the only one pursuing, or you won't get the guy, and you will probably end up getting hurt in the process. That's just my opinion though.
 
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DABEARS85

Guest
#12
#12
jangel said:
Normally guys will say they don’t like the girl to pursue them, and I have never tried it also but we all know there are a lot of guys who can’t say what they feel to a girl, so for me if you really like this guy I don’t think it would make you any less just by saying I like you but that’s it for me no more no less and let the guy do the next move if he will. I like someone in our church and since college we’ve been telling each other what’s going on with us (but he’s engaged now ) , we’ve got a chance to be together at my cousin’s wedding 2 years ago out of our conversation he just said I should be that girl I just didn’t give him a chance, just imagine how I felt at that time and asking myself when did he ask coz I can’t remember that he did. If I was just brave enough to say to him what I feel it could have been my love story---lol.
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Every guy can say what he feels to a girl. The same case is that every girl can say what she feels to a guy. It SHOULD be mutual. I honestly can't fathom someone being so incapable of doing such a simple thing. It really isn't hard to tell someone "hey I'm interested". It's not difficult, and the only reason people don't do it is their own fear of rejection. Well, ladies and gentleman, get over it! You can claim to be old-fashioned or whatever you wanna call it, but frankly you are just afraid. Hiding feelings is just being scared and immature. Be upfront and real, or don't even bother. I sure wouldn't ever date a girl that couldn't open up to me on levels like that. If she couldn't directly say she likes me (and I will make sure I get an answer, I'm not easily denied lol!), then I won't even bother wasting my time with her. A girl with too many walls that is too afraid to let them down isn't worth dating. She has far too many personal issues she has to deal with herself before she is ever ready to really be in a committed relationship.

Stephanie said:
I believe that it's unbiblical for a woman to persue a man, and that includes finding out how he feels about her. Men and women are designed so that men are the leaders and women take their ques from their men. Therefore, any type of leading in the relationship should be from the man. If you ask a guy how he feels about you, you're still taking the leadership role.

A lot of people, guys especially, will say guy have it rough. But waiting is torture. I believe it's biblical though.
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I hope you don't mind if I disrespectfully disagree with everything in this post! A girl should be able to ask a guy straight up if he likes her. It isn't difficult,and that isn't a leadership role thing. Being a leader is far different than asking questions about your partner. If you can't do that without worrying about honoring scripture, you need to rethink a few things about what leadership really is. I was in the military, and I got out as the head of my own division. I took questions from my men all the time. I was the leader, but they were free to ask questions that pertained the mission, their jobs, or whatever in between. Good leadership allows for those questions to be asked, and to be answered with respect for those under you.
 
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BAUWENS

Guest
#13
#13
I Think there is no problem with that, it also depends in the culture and the age. But in Europe in general the gender is not so important for "who says something first" what it matters are the feelings :)
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#14
#14
If i was the one pursuing a guy personally i wouldnt feel like he had much interest in me. Especially if i was the one having to do all the work. I figure if a guy likes you, he should be the one to act on it.
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#15
#15
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If i was the one pursuing a guy personally i wouldnt feel like he had much interest in me. Especially if i was the one having to do all the work. I figure if a guy likes you, he should be the one to act on it.
Click to expand...

What noddy means is she would never chase after a guuy unless it looked like he was getting away:)
 
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HamishNZ

Guest
#16
#16
I am interested in a girl at the moment, a new but very good friend of mine. I was ready to tell her how I felt after a couple of months as feelings developed, that I liked her. She has shown me a little interest but some days it feels like there is something there and other days it feels like she has no interest other than being friends. She has a lot of walls and expectations on what she wants in a relationship and guy and I know that I don’t live up to all of them but I have God on my side and have been challenging her way of thinking about a lot of them and she seems really open to talking about it.

Anyway, it was the day I was going to tell her when my best friend, who is an amazing Christian communicated to me though the spirit that God wanted me to wait for her. He said to wait until she realises that I am what she needs. Until she purses me. This will be a big step for her, she has not had a boy friend and she can be quite stubborn but she is going to have to let me know before I will act on it. It is hard because it feels like a cop out from my side, I want to tell her but know I shouldn’t. I do make it reasonably easy for her but from what I gather talking to her she is quite unaware when it comes to understanding guys and their feelings.

I feel that my situation is a challenge from God for both of our benefits. God is teaching me patients and kindness and teaching her trust and love.

So how do I feel about the question? Telling a guy you like them is only a more direct way to say I like you than flirting, and I do not really feel good when girls flirt with me. A girl who has the courage to tell me she likes me I find very attractive. I have some really close female friends that I would not know if they liked me with out telling me because our friendship is at a level were we feel comfortable around each other. I would not understand their flirting but would understand a “I like you”.
 
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vereladaine

Guest
#17
#17
Hey Romans1212 =) i just wanted to give you my opinion as well although you do already have quite a few good ones. I dont belive it is wrong for a girl to persue a guy at all. I think forcing guys to "always" be the ones who "must" approach first unfair. It puts a lot of pressure on them b/c being the first one to step up and say something is difficult. I believe this is a burden we should share. There are some girls that are less timid then guys, and some guys that are less timid then girls. I would assume its made that way for a reason ^_^.

I say go ahead and ask him how he feels about you. In my opinion this helps you A LOT. Becasue if you find out he is not interested in you, you can move on without waisting you time trying to figure it out. I've seen too many girls just wait to see if he would make a move. The problem is that its easy to become more attached emotionally to the guy and if he turns around and likes someone else and ask's them out, then all those emotions and feelings are waisted (not to mention the time).

I say be bold personally because i know thats what I would do. But you need to make the disicion for yourself. Remember these are only opinions according to our personalities and what we believe. Dont be afraid to disagree with some (or all ^_^) of us and make a desicion that is best for you!! I hope this post helps you. God bless and i'll pray that you get the answer you need.
 
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