Questions on Parenting - HELP!

[xTrishy]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to start of by saying that I'm a very young Mother (21 years old), and my daughter just turned 7 years old in June. We're both Christian (Since Sept. 2011), and we both read our Bibles daily, or every other day. My daughter is extremely well behaved. She loves God, and understands the Bible very well. We both attend Bible study (One for adults, and one for children.) We attend both together.

About 2-3 weeks ago I caught her with my boyfriend's daughter "kissing with Barbies, under the blankets.") I was extremely distraught because this wasn't the first time. Now, I know that it's "normal" for kids to "experiment" but as a Christian family I think that she shouldn't be "experimenting" at such a young age, even if it is just kissing with Barbies. I told her that because she didn't obey the rules that her barbies would be taken away (And, to be honest, she won't die without her barbies anyways!) So, I took them away. Tonight, I was checking my history on my computer looking for a website I previously visited and I saw a website titled "Kissing Games for Girls." I'm seperated from her Father and she was staying there with him, so I called her at his house and asked her what she was doing on the computer. She admitted everything, and I told her that she wasn't aloude on the computer for a while, and she was grounded.

I feel that she's really adimit on the whole "kissing" thing. It's as if she's very interested in the whole thing. She's also supervised while watching TV, and she's not aloude to watch more than an hour a day (Just so I can make sure she's not watching anything she's not supposed to. For example there's this show calling "Tod, and the book of pure Evil. That doesn't sound like a good show at all, yet it's on the KIDS channel!)

I really, really need some Christian advice. I've even searched the Bible and I can't find much. I know, that a lot of you may think I'm too "strict" with her. I really feel that I'm not, and we do a lot of things together to make up for the loss of brain cells, lol.

So everyone, and anyone! Please give me some ideas!

 

[hopesprings]

Hi xTrishy,
I have two boys of my own, and one is the same age as your daughter, so I know what you are going through. It can be so difficult sometimes, knowing what is the right thing to do in these situations...and it's almost like you have to choose the lesser of two evils sometimes. A friend gave me a book, a while back, called Six ways to keep the good in your boy - by Dannah Gresh and her husband. The book is amazing and really offered a lot of insight into this "stage" of their lives. It has quite a strong focus on sexual purity without ignoring the child's healthy development - it's all based off the bible and is just some really sound advice for parents. Dannah Gresh also wrote a book "Six ways to keep the little in your girl" and she also does the Secret Keeper girl devotions. She's really good, and I think you would enjoy what she has to say. Just a lot of focus on purity, modesty, and keeping everything in perspective (for parents) - at least the boys book was like this. And, it is VERY practical, not ignoring the role that parents play in instilling a godly mindset into their children.

Hope that helps
If you need more advice, feel free to PM me.
Hopesprings

 

[xTrishy]

Hi xTrishy,
I have two boys of my own, and one is the same age as your daughter, so I know what you are going through. It can be so difficult sometimes, knowing what is the right thing to do in these situations...and it's almost like you have to choose the lesser of two evils sometimes. A friend gave me a book, a while back, called Six ways to keep the good in your boy - by Dannah Gresh and her husband. The book is amazing and really offered a lot of insight into this "stage" of their lives. It has quite a strong focus on sexual purity without ignoring the child's healthy development - it's all based off the bible and is just some really sound advice for parents. Dannah Gresh also wrote a book "Six ways to keep the little in your girl" and she also does the Secret Keeper girl devotions. She's really good, and I think you would enjoy what she has to say. Just a lot of focus on purity, modesty, and keeping everything in perspective (for parents) - at least the boys book was like this. And, it is VERY practical, not ignoring the role that parents play in instilling a godly mindset into their children.

Hope that helps
If you need more advice, feel free to PM me.
Hopesprings

I'm going to look into these books at my local Christian bookstore tomorrow! That's exactly what I'm looking to keep. I want her to continue to stay pure, modest, yet grow healthy and understand as much as she should for her age.

Thanks so much!

 

[Ugly]

Shes young and kids go through phases. I wouldn't stress too much over it. Chances are she'll move out of this interest on her own. Not that i'm saying to ignore it. The suggestion hopesprings made on that book sounds like a good idea. So yeah, work with her on it, but don't stress it too much.

 

[xTrishy]

Shes young and kids go through phases. I wouldn't stress too much over it. Chances are she'll move out of this interest on her own. Not that i'm saying to ignore it. The suggestion hopesprings made on that book sounds like a good idea. So yeah, work with her on it, but don't stress it too much.

Thanks! I'm going to try my best not to stress about it. I feel sometimes, like I over-exagerate when it comes to her wrong doings. She probably is just going through a "phase". I'm probably doing more harm by freaking out, then if I just slightly let it go.

 

[Jilly81]

I agree not to panic too much about it and that it's normal, but it would be helpful to talk to her and ask her the reasons she did it; did she just want to know what it felt like to kiss something, etc. Following biblical guidelines yourself and telling her why you're doing so helps a lot. For example, telling her "Mommy's boyfriend doesn't sleep here overnight because we aren't married", "We aren't going to let anyone except our husbands touch us under our clothes because we are so special to Jesus that it would insult Him", etc. Although kissing before marriage isn't wrong or unbiblical, kisses are still special. If you pray together that Jesus would convict her when she was doing wrong (even a little bit wrong), that would be good. Also pray together that He would put peace in her heart and fill you both with the power of the Holy Spirit. Personally I would recommend praying that He would be like a husband to you until he provides a husband for you. I prayed a similar prayer, and it's been great . BTW, I'm not just guessing at all of this. My parents did similar things and I know from experience that this works with the right heart attitudes .

 

[intercessorginger]

Well no I don't think you are wrong for being concerned about her computer use it's something we have to be very careful of in our home too. We purchased a program called "Net Nanny" that filters out anything we feel is not appropriate for our kids.
My parents banned Barbie and Ken dolls in my house, they were of the opinion that the dolls usually ended up being used the way you mentioned (or worse). They liked "baby dolls" and I could have those which I loved and I never missed the Barbies.
In my opinion it's best to keep a cool head and not get too excited about these things because it makes them bigger then they really are. She probably saw some kissing and was curious about it. Just explain the proper context for kissing and let it go at that.

 

[xTrishy]

Well no I don't think you are wrong for being concerned about her computer use it's something we have to be very careful of in our home too. We purchased a program called "Net Nanny" that filters out anything we feel is not appropriate for our kids.
My parents banned Barbie and Ken dolls in my house, they were of the opinion that the dolls usually ended up being used the way you mentioned (or worse). They liked "baby dolls" and I could have those which I loved and I never missed the Barbies.
In my opinion it's best to keep a cool head and not get too excited about these things because it makes them bigger then they really are. She probably saw some kissing and was curious about it. Just explain the proper context for kissing and let it go at that.

That's such a relief, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I do also let her keep the "baby dolls." I'm also going to allow her to have a "Jesus Barbie", he says Bible verses, so I think that's pretty awesome.

I ended up keeping cool and talking to her about it. She said that she was a bit curious, and I explained to her that I'm happy she likes boys, but to keep it at an appropriate level. She agreed that was fair. I told her the importance of being young, and acting her age. So hopefully she really does understand. She ended up writing me a note saying, "I am so sorry for playing kissing games on the computer. Do you forgive me?" And put a "yes, and no" box. Lol. So cute!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it really makes me feel a lot better!

 

[Aqua_Girl09]

I've neen working @ a day care almost 4 years now and 6-8 year olds are my specialty. so i hope you can take my advice. ^-^

I think its good to be honest with her and not get mad at her for telling the truth be really careful about that cause just ONE time and she won't trust that she can tell "mom" everything and start going to her friend for advice.

I'd also like to say that i knew about sex and a VERY early age. kindergarten i believe. now that was really all my older sister's fault cause she couldn't keep a secret to save her life. but i remember talking with friend in second grade about all that. so her being seven. i wouldn't be surpised if she didn't know about it. (unless shes homeschooled). so if she can be honest with you then you can catch her early and help her through the whole "hormonal balance" stage.

it helps if she has someone who is a girl that she can look up to. you're her parent so you should enforce rules yes, but if you have a sister or something let her aunt be the one she can run to when she does something bad and she won't feel like she'll get into trouble and then she can tell you. but you only step in when its REALLY important. cause if she finds out that aunt is leaking info she won't trust her either.

a parent at my day care was having problems cause another child was making fun of hers. as a parent you shouldn't tell your child to get into fights. thats wrong. but someone should tell that them some fights need to happen and not get walked all over.

 

[chuinchoy]

Don't be too harsh on your daughter. By punishing her, you won't get any truth from her in future. Who wants to tell the truth and in doing so, got punishment? In this case, you will have difficulty guiding her to be a women who loves the lord. i think in future when your daughter does something wrong, you should rather explain to her what she has done wrong. In doing so, she would change based on the values that you have embedded in her throughout her life.

For your info, i started to masturbate when i was 10 years old. What happend to me was there is no one to tell me that masturbate is not wrong but overdoing it will be harmful to my health. Likewise, your daughter need to be explained what does her action would lead to rather than forcing to stop which i think could be detrimental to the phychological well being of your daughter.

 

[violakat]

Trishy, if this had happened back when I was a 7 year old, then yes, you would have some cause for a whole lot of concern. As for today, it's a lot more prevalent. However, I would still find out why she was playing kissing games under the blanket with another girl. Find out if the other girl suggested it, or if it was the computer site she was on. I think Jilly and Intercessorginger gave you the best advice. Good luck.

And here's something my mom did when I was younger. When my friends were over, she would be in a discreet area of the room, or another place, and doing something, such as knitting, or crochet, and still be able to hear our conversations. We never knew she heard us.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to start of by saying that I'm a very young Mother (21 years old), and my daughter just turned 7 years old in June. We're both Christian (Since Sept. 2011), and we both read our Bibles daily, or every other day. My daughter is extremely well behaved. She loves God, and understands the Bible very well. We both attend Bible study (One for adults, and one for children.) We attend both together.

About 2-3 weeks ago I caught her with my boyfriend's daughter "kissing with Barbies, under the blankets.") I was extremely distraught because this wasn't the first time. Now, I know that it's "normal" for kids to "experiment" but as a Christian family I think that she shouldn't be "experimenting" at such a young age, even if it is just kissing with Barbies. I told her that because she didn't obey the rules that her barbies would be taken away (And, to be honest, she won't die without her barbies anyways!) So, I took them away. Tonight, I was checking my history on my computer looking for a website I previously visited and I saw a website titled "Kissing Games for Girls." I'm seperated from her Father and she was staying there with him, so I called her at his house and asked her what she was doing on the computer. She admitted everything, and I told her that she wasn't aloude on the computer for a while, and she was grounded.

I feel that she's really adimit on the whole "kissing" thing. It's as if she's very interested in the whole thing. She's also supervised while watching TV, and she's not aloude to watch more than an hour a day (Just so I can make sure she's not watching anything she's not supposed to. For example there's this show calling "Tod, and the book of pure Evil. That doesn't sound like a good show at all, yet it's on the KIDS channel!)

I really, really need some Christian advice. I've even searched the Bible and I can't find much. I know, that a lot of you may think I'm too "strict" with her. I really feel that I'm not, and we do a lot of things together to make up for the loss of brain cells, lol.

So everyone, and anyone! Please give me some ideas!

THank you so much for being a paying attention parent!!!!
YOu have done a good job with this incident.
I do want you to really think ahead because of this incident, it is imperative that you stay calm and level headed when dealing with these issues because they will get bigger in the future.
7 is very young to show such curiousity but the world is going that way so you must be vigillent.
I think now is the time to start talking to her about sex, marriage and purity in an age appropriate way. She is already getting this informtion from other sources... it is your job to properly instruct her.

 

[Ariel82]

I did the math and if you are 21 now and your daughter is 7, then you must have been 14 when you had her, which is a very young age.

Perhaps I'm paranoid but I tend to look farther than the child to make sure that none of the adults around her are introducing her to concepts that should not be there. You don't have to answer but how old was her father when he got you pregnant? 14 is awful young to be a mother, though from the sound of it, you are a very loving and responsible person to care so deeply about your daughter.

My son is 7 years old and he knows the only people he should kiss is family on the cheek. I believe we can teach by example and that kids learn from that.

I would explain how her body is a temple to God and we should take care to keep it holy and pure for the person God intends for us to be with.

I tell my kids that a smart person learns from their mistakes, but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

I would be honest with her and tell her that you love her but you dream of a better life and more opportunities for her. You want her to marry a man who will love and cherish her for the rest of her life and not get involved with boys who are just looking to use and abuse her heart and body.

I would tell her that kissing is a way to express love but it also spreads germs and diseases and that there are other ways to express that you love someone.

I believe its important to arm our children with spiritual weapons and acknowledge that all thoughts they have may not be good or holy. Even at a very early age they must learn discernment and prayer to reflect upon their thoughts and actions.

I often ask my children. WHY do you think I'm upset with you?

Instead of telling them what they did wrong, I ask them to analyze the situation and express to me my expectations and explain the reasoning behind them.

Kids understand germs. you can give the example of someone being sick and coughing on them and them getting sick.

As they get older you can go into more detail if you like but for the most part I believe keeping it simple and using examples they can understand works best.

I normally give my kids a choice of two different punishments and make them tell me which one they agree to. if they refuse to choose I tell them they will have both.

 

[BarlyGurl]

I did the math and if you are 21 now and your daughter is 7, then you must have been 14 when you had her, which is a very young age.

Perhaps I'm paranoid but I tend to look farther than the child to make sure that none of the adults around her are introducing her to concepts that should not be there. You don't have to answer but how old was her father when he got you pregnant? 14 is awful young to be a mother, though from the sound of it, you are a very loving and responsible person to care so deeply about your daughter.

My son is 7 years old and he knows the only people he should kiss is family on the cheek. I believe we can teach by example and that kids learn from that.

I would explain how her body is a temple to God and we should take care to keep it holy and pure for the person God intends for us to be with.

I tell my kids that a smart person learns from their mistakes, but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others.

I would be honest with her and tell her that you love her but you dream of a better life and more opportunities for her. You want her to marry a man who will love and cherish her for the rest of her life and not get involved with boys who are just looking to use and abuse her heart and body.

I would tell her that kissing is a way to express love but it also spreads germs and diseases and that there are other ways to express that you love someone.

I believe its important to arm our children with spiritual weapons and acknowledge that all thoughts they have may not be good or holy. Even at a very early age they must learn discernment and prayer to reflect upon their thoughts and actions.

I often ask my children. WHY do you think I'm upset with you?

Instead of telling them what they did wrong, I ask them to analyze the situation and express to me my expectations and explain the reasoning behind them.

Kids understand germs. you can give the example of someone being sick and coughing on them and them getting sick.

As they get older you can go into more detail if you like but for the most part I believe keeping it simple and using examples they can understand works best.

I normally give my kids a choice of two different punishments and make them tell me which one they agree to. if they refuse to choose I tell them they will have both.

CLAPPING!!!!!