-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Hello:
First of all I want to say welcome to CC. Sorry to hear about your story. Just want you to know that all wounds heal in time. And you have to give it time. Now concerning your current situation, if you dont mind, I would like to ask you some questions. Are you and your current husband born-again christians?? Do you attend a church where both of you are getting spiritually fed? If the answer is yes to both questions, then maybe you guys can get christian marriage counseling as an option. Remember..God is greater than your circumstance. God can turn a mess into a masterpiece.
First of all I want to say welcome to CC. Sorry to hear about your story. Just want you to know that all wounds heal in time. And you have to give it time. Now concerning your current situation, if you dont mind, I would like to ask you some questions. Are you and your current husband born-again christians?? Do you attend a church where both of you are getting spiritually fed? If the answer is yes to both questions, then maybe you guys can get christian marriage counseling as an option. Remember..God is greater than your circumstance. God can turn a mess into a masterpiece.
B
sister Pcc1996 First of all welcome to this site! I am from Michigan as well,so I know how hard life can indeed be for many of us,not just where we live either. Since I have never married I have no right at least to myself to tell you how you should conduct yourself in that marriage! But I do know of many married couples who like yourself are having some serious problems in there union.
I notice you said you were saved as a child,but since that,where have you gone in your relationship to the Lord in your life? For many,not saying you sis at all! But for many they are not so happy by themselves,and think if I were married,then my life would be much fuller and bright.Then they get married and for a while it is! I have learned from married couples that the first 5 years of that marriage is the toughest,and if you both can get through them together,the chances of a divorce go down,because both are willing to place a great deal of work into there union.
But during this time,about the 3rd year,couples are drawing apart, they think lets have some kids!!That will fix our problems! And again for a while it does! But later,now the couple has two problems,there children and there marriage! The kids take on the judge and jury of the couple,and pretty soon,one, if not both parents are even more bitter at each other,then they ever were without there children.
Now the escape! I know there are two sides to everything,your side as you have stated short and sweet, and his side,which i have not heard. So let me stick with your side. You have done everything you could to promote a good marriage lets say. Lets us say that none of this is your fault whatsoever! What can you do now personally to keep a rational mind? Before sister we eat at the table we must prepare the table first! In my humble opinion you need to draw near to both God's Word and to Jesus you say you believe in. He believes in you sis!!( john 15:16)
The problem is, you have never took the time to learn how does one bear fruit. Nor how that good fruit should, and can ever remain. If i pushed you aside saying you are my best friend,how long do you think in your mind would I remain your best friend sis? How long would it take you to believe because of what I have done to you,i could ever remain a best friend to you,if I never speak to you or see you?
Or if I only speak to you when I am having a problem? How much would you look forward to even seeing me then? You see sis whether we think so or not Jesus, like us, wants to be needed by us! Jesus loved us so very much and wanted our time so badly that he gave his life for us and rose just to keep all of us in his victory,so we could, and would always be thankful to him! ( 1 thess 5:18 his very will for our lives!!)
Jesus has not pushed you away sis!! Nor has he ever forsaken you either! But you will never know this in truth until you go to him with your time,and set the table for him to join you and eat with him. How long will you hear the knock upon the door of your heart and not open the door?( rev 3:20-22) You first have to hear it!! So we first have to be in a position to open the door!
There is so much to say to you sister,but I sure do not wish to write a book here!! LOL All i can do is get you into the race,you must run it sis,i cannot run that for you,nor could anyone for me. Find a church with a lot of love in it,partake of that church,stay in the Bible daily,for such life giving words come from the very God who made us,words such as this sis!( Psalms 27:13) I would have despaired had I not believed I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living! You sister, as myself are in that land of the living! And speak God's Words from it!That is the secret to having fruit to both bear and yes keep!
Renew your mind in this!( rom 12:1-2)Depend upon this food for your life sis! If you will be faithful in little things of the Lord,then he will give you greater things as well!( luke 16:10) I show you scripture so you will understand how important his Word has become to me sis! Best friends do that! And our best friend is our Jesus sis!
If you will learn the Word, you will find you life really comes from what is not seen by others first,Jesus will help you,from your inside out! To comfort you, when you are in need of comfort!!( 2 cor 1:3-7) To show you that Jesus by himself for us is the only way,the only truth, and brings the only real life for us sis!!( john 14:6)
These things I have spoken to you sister so that the Joy of our Jesus would be made full in you!!( john 15:11) So that you can go encourage another sister or brother to do the same,but we cannot give something we do not yet have,that is why we must go and get it!! We can never help another until we ourselves become fixed. My prayers are sure with you sis!! I hope this has given you something to consider,and will help you to indeed escape the pain I know you are in!!( 1 cor 10:13)
The escape is before you sis,will you open the door to Jesus,who will then,move from the door for you to join him,and walk together into freedom!!! i was very glad I did sis! Prayer daily,is not always speaking!! Prayer in putting us in a position to listen as well! For what does God himself nor already know about us sis??( psalm 100:1-5!!) this i do daily! Then i listen! ( proverbs 3:6) In all our ways acknowledge HIM,and he WILL make you paths straight!!That is a promise sis! And he indeed has done that with my life,and will for your as well!!( acts 10:34)God loves us all the very same!!Blessing sis!
I notice you said you were saved as a child,but since that,where have you gone in your relationship to the Lord in your life? For many,not saying you sis at all! But for many they are not so happy by themselves,and think if I were married,then my life would be much fuller and bright.Then they get married and for a while it is! I have learned from married couples that the first 5 years of that marriage is the toughest,and if you both can get through them together,the chances of a divorce go down,because both are willing to place a great deal of work into there union.
But during this time,about the 3rd year,couples are drawing apart, they think lets have some kids!!That will fix our problems! And again for a while it does! But later,now the couple has two problems,there children and there marriage! The kids take on the judge and jury of the couple,and pretty soon,one, if not both parents are even more bitter at each other,then they ever were without there children.
Now the escape! I know there are two sides to everything,your side as you have stated short and sweet, and his side,which i have not heard. So let me stick with your side. You have done everything you could to promote a good marriage lets say. Lets us say that none of this is your fault whatsoever! What can you do now personally to keep a rational mind? Before sister we eat at the table we must prepare the table first! In my humble opinion you need to draw near to both God's Word and to Jesus you say you believe in. He believes in you sis!!( john 15:16)
The problem is, you have never took the time to learn how does one bear fruit. Nor how that good fruit should, and can ever remain. If i pushed you aside saying you are my best friend,how long do you think in your mind would I remain your best friend sis? How long would it take you to believe because of what I have done to you,i could ever remain a best friend to you,if I never speak to you or see you?
Or if I only speak to you when I am having a problem? How much would you look forward to even seeing me then? You see sis whether we think so or not Jesus, like us, wants to be needed by us! Jesus loved us so very much and wanted our time so badly that he gave his life for us and rose just to keep all of us in his victory,so we could, and would always be thankful to him! ( 1 thess 5:18 his very will for our lives!!)
Jesus has not pushed you away sis!! Nor has he ever forsaken you either! But you will never know this in truth until you go to him with your time,and set the table for him to join you and eat with him. How long will you hear the knock upon the door of your heart and not open the door?( rev 3:20-22) You first have to hear it!! So we first have to be in a position to open the door!
There is so much to say to you sister,but I sure do not wish to write a book here!! LOL All i can do is get you into the race,you must run it sis,i cannot run that for you,nor could anyone for me. Find a church with a lot of love in it,partake of that church,stay in the Bible daily,for such life giving words come from the very God who made us,words such as this sis!( Psalms 27:13) I would have despaired had I not believed I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living! You sister, as myself are in that land of the living! And speak God's Words from it!That is the secret to having fruit to both bear and yes keep!
Renew your mind in this!( rom 12:1-2)Depend upon this food for your life sis! If you will be faithful in little things of the Lord,then he will give you greater things as well!( luke 16:10) I show you scripture so you will understand how important his Word has become to me sis! Best friends do that! And our best friend is our Jesus sis!
If you will learn the Word, you will find you life really comes from what is not seen by others first,Jesus will help you,from your inside out! To comfort you, when you are in need of comfort!!( 2 cor 1:3-7) To show you that Jesus by himself for us is the only way,the only truth, and brings the only real life for us sis!!( john 14:6)
These things I have spoken to you sister so that the Joy of our Jesus would be made full in you!!( john 15:11) So that you can go encourage another sister or brother to do the same,but we cannot give something we do not yet have,that is why we must go and get it!! We can never help another until we ourselves become fixed. My prayers are sure with you sis!! I hope this has given you something to consider,and will help you to indeed escape the pain I know you are in!!( 1 cor 10:13)
The escape is before you sis,will you open the door to Jesus,who will then,move from the door for you to join him,and walk together into freedom!!! i was very glad I did sis! Prayer daily,is not always speaking!! Prayer in putting us in a position to listen as well! For what does God himself nor already know about us sis??( psalm 100:1-5!!) this i do daily! Then i listen! ( proverbs 3:6) In all our ways acknowledge HIM,and he WILL make you paths straight!!That is a promise sis! And he indeed has done that with my life,and will for your as well!!( acts 10:34)God loves us all the very same!!Blessing sis!
P
I am very overwhelmed. My husband has six kids total...three are grown and do not have anything to do with him. His first wife was addicted to pain killers, sleeping pills, and alcohol. She ended up committing suicide. He worked a full time job and went to law school...he did nothing with his children. Now fast forward to me being full time mom to six kids, three not my own. Everything is on me. His kids have even told him they do not feel close to him. He ignores everything...he doesn't like the way I have raised my kids. It is a constant battle of your kids, my kids. I have taken on too much and I'm losing my mind. I suffer from bi polar and depression, though it is managed well with diet, exercise, and minimal medication....I still can only handle so much stress. I need his help and he doesn't help with the kids at all. Yes he helps around the house some and he runs his own law practice out of our home. But when it comes to kids....it's all me.
I am sorry you are going through that
I know it mustbe hard because my sister also have issues with her hubby because their differences. I think that you need to take time for your self and your children and talk to your hudsband after you are relaxed and ready to say what is in your mind with out screaming. God has everything undercontrol and you have come to the right place here at this chat room there alot of people who will tell their points of view but remember the best view to take into account is thw one that comes from God's word.
I know it mustbe hard because my sister also have issues with her hubby because their differences. I think that you need to take time for your self and your children and talk to your hudsband after you are relaxed and ready to say what is in your mind with out screaming. God has everything undercontrol and you have come to the right place here at this chat room there alot of people who will tell their points of view but remember the best view to take into account is thw one that comes from God's word. 
Sometimes it is a wonder, the loads we are given! On top of it, God asks that we don't stress over them, just calmly have faith everything will work out fine and trust Him! I have an appointment with my pastor tomorrow, I hope he can lead me to ways to handle the pickle I am in with how God says to manage it.
At least, with young minds to hope to influence just a bit, you have positive measures you can take to handle the children, anyway. Sounds as if you are pretty well locked into what your husband has to offer, and it is simply a matter of making the best of it and accepting what you can't change.
I found that if you follow God, He can make some fine things come out of impossible situations if you just quietly do your best. It is when we panic and lose faith that we make things worse.
Don't forget to look for the blessings you have and praise God for them, even if it is as simple as weather you like or a bird singing. God created and manages those, too.
At least, with young minds to hope to influence just a bit, you have positive measures you can take to handle the children, anyway. Sounds as if you are pretty well locked into what your husband has to offer, and it is simply a matter of making the best of it and accepting what you can't change.
I found that if you follow God, He can make some fine things come out of impossible situations if you just quietly do your best. It is when we panic and lose faith that we make things worse.
Don't forget to look for the blessings you have and praise God for them, even if it is as simple as weather you like or a bird singing. God created and manages those, too.
P.S. A suggestion. Could you find a trustworthy couple to sit in while you two talk things over? Several times I and my husband were asked to do that for a couple who were fighting. We were asked, each time, not to advise them and never ever talk about what they said, not even with them after we helped them talk to each other. We only helped them communicate with each other, and to keep to the issue they were working on rather than blame games, etc. They couldn't talk it out without fighting, they said. Each time we were told we helped.
R
Hi
Im new here too. Been through the horrible devastating divorce thing and remarried. I had the kids and he was the step parent. We didn't see eye to eye on anything either. I spent 20 years with that "lost" feeling! Now in the process of another horrible and devastating divorce that will end a marriage that never should have happened. One by one my children left because they couldn't tolerate the way he treated them or me. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. One daughter hasn't spoken to me in 4 years because I wouldn't leave him. My other daughter and I have finally mended our relationship after 11 years of not speaking to each other. My oldest son rarely comes around or calls. Ask any of them and they will tell you it is because of him. I do not think divorce is always the first and best answer to our problems which is why I stayed so long. If you don't see eye to eye now, what makes you think that is going to change with out effort. Effort on both sides. Is your husband a Christian...a believer of God's word. You don't give much information in your post. In my case, if my husband did believe God I couldn't really tell. He wouldn't get outside help for our marriage. It was a very one sided effort on my part to make the marriage work and that didn't work. You have 3 kids of your own and now 3 step children....I can't imagine the stress that is adding to an already strained situation. I don't know your husbands side of this and Im not saying this is his fault or your fault....it's both of you. What you do about it now will determine what happens years from now. My advice is to first of all pray about it. If you need outside help, get it. I think God hates divorce because His word says he does and it causes so much pain. I also think God understands that we make incredibly stupid mistakes. If you and your husband are willing to make an effort to make your marriage better, you will be happy ever after. If you both aren't willing to work at it....you will probably end up in a position similar to mine. The years slip by very quickly and before you know it you have wasted a huge chunk of your life trying to make something work that just wasn't going to. The time to take action is now to fix your marriage. Be realistic. See the situation for what it really is and what needs to be done to fix it. If your husband won't do the same, you aren't going to get anywhere. It takes a lot of extremely hard work to make things work especially in a blended family. If your situation is anything like mine, not seeing eye to eye means constant arguing and debating. It is exhausting. My heart goes out to you and your family. If it can be fixed....fix it. If not, have the courage to accept it and go on with your life in a new direction. In my case I should have left years ago. The damage to my children definitely wasn't worth it in the end. I believe God will forgive me for leaving my husband but I wonder what he thinks of what I put my children through. I have a lot of guilt, anger and bitterness to work through after all these years. I hope you are able to find a way to make things work for your family. If you are like most of us it is very important to you to make things work for all of you. Do all that you can to save your marriage. All I am saying is that if it can't be done, don't be afraid that God wont forgive you if you have to end it. What you do now will determine what your children do in the future. I found out the hard way that marriage can be just as much a curse as a blessing. I blame no one but myself for any of it. Im sure there are plenty of people that will totally disagree with everything I have said and that is ok. I just know that some things can't be fixed no matter how much of our lives we sacrifice trying. But....as I said before....Im angry and bitter. Don't end up like me.
Im new here too. Been through the horrible devastating divorce thing and remarried. I had the kids and he was the step parent. We didn't see eye to eye on anything either. I spent 20 years with that "lost" feeling! Now in the process of another horrible and devastating divorce that will end a marriage that never should have happened. One by one my children left because they couldn't tolerate the way he treated them or me. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. One daughter hasn't spoken to me in 4 years because I wouldn't leave him. My other daughter and I have finally mended our relationship after 11 years of not speaking to each other. My oldest son rarely comes around or calls. Ask any of them and they will tell you it is because of him. I do not think divorce is always the first and best answer to our problems which is why I stayed so long. If you don't see eye to eye now, what makes you think that is going to change with out effort. Effort on both sides. Is your husband a Christian...a believer of God's word. You don't give much information in your post. In my case, if my husband did believe God I couldn't really tell. He wouldn't get outside help for our marriage. It was a very one sided effort on my part to make the marriage work and that didn't work. You have 3 kids of your own and now 3 step children....I can't imagine the stress that is adding to an already strained situation. I don't know your husbands side of this and Im not saying this is his fault or your fault....it's both of you. What you do about it now will determine what happens years from now. My advice is to first of all pray about it. If you need outside help, get it. I think God hates divorce because His word says he does and it causes so much pain. I also think God understands that we make incredibly stupid mistakes. If you and your husband are willing to make an effort to make your marriage better, you will be happy ever after. If you both aren't willing to work at it....you will probably end up in a position similar to mine. The years slip by very quickly and before you know it you have wasted a huge chunk of your life trying to make something work that just wasn't going to. The time to take action is now to fix your marriage. Be realistic. See the situation for what it really is and what needs to be done to fix it. If your husband won't do the same, you aren't going to get anywhere. It takes a lot of extremely hard work to make things work especially in a blended family. If your situation is anything like mine, not seeing eye to eye means constant arguing and debating. It is exhausting. My heart goes out to you and your family. If it can be fixed....fix it. If not, have the courage to accept it and go on with your life in a new direction. In my case I should have left years ago. The damage to my children definitely wasn't worth it in the end. I believe God will forgive me for leaving my husband but I wonder what he thinks of what I put my children through. I have a lot of guilt, anger and bitterness to work through after all these years. I hope you are able to find a way to make things work for your family. If you are like most of us it is very important to you to make things work for all of you. Do all that you can to save your marriage. All I am saying is that if it can't be done, don't be afraid that God wont forgive you if you have to end it. What you do now will determine what your children do in the future. I found out the hard way that marriage can be just as much a curse as a blessing. I blame no one but myself for any of it. Im sure there are plenty of people that will totally disagree with everything I have said and that is ok. I just know that some things can't be fixed no matter how much of our lives we sacrifice trying. But....as I said before....Im angry and bitter. Don't end up like me.
So sorry you're overwhelmed! Would he agree to go to family counseling .....everybody go? It must be hard to blend two families with children but I've heard that going to counseling as a new family can help.
Also, do you attend church? Christian fellowship can really help bring families close together; learning about Jesus is a must for everyone.
Also, do you attend church? Christian fellowship can really help bring families close together; learning about Jesus is a must for everyone
.